Jokes

34 topics • Page 1 of 1

Announcements

Replies

Views

Last post

Global Announcement admin.list@cruise-community. me. uk

by Ray B » 06 Jun 2020, 10:30 » in Forum Problems/Discussion

First post

Suddenly this morning 23 notifications in my inbox, not had one for months. Did David's computer have a bad night or was Moby fiddling with it....

Last post

if anyone gets any more can you let me know please.
On the basis that nobody has complained about this any more can I presume that it is solved?

36 Replies

272 Views

Last post by david63
30 Jun 2020, 08:52

Topics

Replies

Views

Last post

Do you know anyone with a son old enough to start driving?

by Not so ancient mariner » 10 Dec 2014, 19:39

A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said he'd...

0 Replies

212 Views

Last post by Not so ancient mariner
10 Dec 2014, 19:39
Pieces of Cake

by Ray Scully » 08 Jun 2014, 20:50

First post

A Banke,r a Tabloid reader, and an Immigrant are sitting around a table.
There are 10 slices of cake on the table
The Banker takes 9 slices.... and...

Last post

A young prince living in a grass house on an exotic island was concerned about a rise in crime in the area. So he hid the jewel encrusted royal...

3 Replies

316 Views

Last post by Mervyn and Trish
06 Dec 2014, 12:39
Why is it that.......

by Romig1 » 26 Jan 2013, 10:18
1

2
First post

...women tennis players always look better from the back? :D

Over to you....

Last post

Why is it that I love everybody ?

Because you are a dear gentleman of the old school, sir

Bleedy Heck . . . I am now having a seriously hot...
99 Replies

2735 Views

Last post by gfwgfw
03 Nov 2014, 23:32
Steering Wheel

by Qudos 1603 » 01 May 2014, 14:01

Man went into the loo at the pub and took his place next to the chap already there. As he is standing there, he looks across at the fella next to...

0 Replies

195 Views

Last post by Qudos 1603
01 May 2014, 14:01
Hazardous Materials Data Sheet

by Silver_Shiney » 21 Apr 2013, 10:29

First post

At the risk of getting another slap.....

ANALYSIS

Element: Woman
Symbol: WO
Discoverer: Adam
Atomic Mass: Accepted as 55kg but known to vary from...

Last post

I feel so sorry for your wife :D

After neary 37 years together, the lovely Lady C has got used to me. :thumbup:

7 Replies

287 Views

Last post by Silver_Shiney
14 Jan 2014, 21:39
NEED A LAUGH

by Scott1 » 11 Sep 2013, 21:54

First post

NEED A LAUGH

The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a saloon and sat down to drink a Beer.

After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said...

Last post

The village idiots dog had died and he insisted on a proper funeral for his beloved dog.on the day of the funeral,all the village turned out to see...

1 Replies

228 Views

Last post by Kaziebelle
18 Nov 2013, 05:48
The night before Christmas

by Silver_Shiney » 28 Oct 2013, 22:13

First post

... as written by a technical writer for a firm that does Government contracting

'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the...

Last post

I'm rather disturbed that our revered leader and Head Smurf has donned his Christmas apparel already. For God's sake, it's the first of bl**dy...

2 Replies

239 Views

Last post by Not so ancient mariner
04 Nov 2013, 12:49
The Bible and Darwin's The Origin of Species

by The Monocled Mutineer » 03 Sep 2013, 13:39

First post

One day the zoo-keeper noticed that the orang-utan was reading two books - the Bible and Darwin's The Origin of Species. In surprise he asked the...

Last post

Creationist: So could the days of creation be different lengths of time?

Professor of Theology: Yes, definitely

Creationist: So could they be six...

21 Replies

467 Views

Last post by Silver_Shiney
24 Sep 2013, 22:15
In a Glasgow Butcher's shop

by Not so ancient mariner » 22 Aug 2013, 12:26

First post

The butcher has just come back through from his cold store, and is standing with his back against the heater, thawing himself out.

A customer comes...

Last post

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. And he said, No, you're right the...

2 Replies

200 Views

Last post by Not so ancient mariner
22 Aug 2013, 16:50
Recent ruling by the Australian Federal Court

by Not so ancient mariner » 19 Aug 2013, 16:26

First post

A seven year old boy was at the centre of a courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.

The boy...

Last post

and me :lol: :lol:

4 Replies

229 Views

Last post by Jean W
19 Aug 2013, 18:02
Now ain't that true

by Silver_Shiney » 05 Aug 2013, 19:17

First post

WE WAS BRUNG UP PROPER !!

And we never had a whole Mars bar until 1993 !!!

CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL MY FRIENDS WHO WERE BORN IN THE 1940's, 50's,...

Last post

You theiving git, that were our bed, that were, and me mam had to walk t'pit after them wheels went missing.

6 Replies

267 Views

Last post by Silver_Shiney
06 Aug 2013, 07:30
workforce

by Silver_Shiney » 23 Apr 2013, 18:53

First post

The UK is in DEEP trouble...

The population of this country is approximately 60 million.

32 million are retired.

That leaves 28 million to do...

Last post

Well I thought it was funny Alan - but there again I am a female & a Northerner to boot so I suppose I don't have the mental capacity to read...

16 Replies

421 Views

Last post by Silver_Shiney
17 Jul 2013, 16:49
Thoughtful biker.

by Not so ancient mariner » 27 Apr 2013, 05:45

On June 29th, a group of Orlando, Florida, bikers were riding south on I-275 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Skyway Bridge.

So they...

0 Replies

227 Views

Last post by Not so ancient mariner
27 Apr 2013, 05:45
Police complaint

by Silver_Shiney » 16 Apr 2013, 18:59

First post

This is a genuine complaint to Devon & Cornwall Police Force from an angry member of the public
A true email sent to the force, lengthy but...

Last post

Brilliant, SS. So, do we know, did they ever turn up or do we have to wait for the next installment? The concept of Community bobbies is excellent...

6 Replies

392 Views

Last post by Silver_Shiney
25 Apr 2013, 20:18
A bit of Fun !!

by Dancing Queen » 22 Apr 2013, 12:55

First post

: Your shoes can tell you your age - - fun !
I don't know how this works but it does!
Who thinks this stuff up?
As if you didn't have anything else...

Last post

:clap: :lol:

8 Replies

277 Views

Last post by jay-ell71
24 Apr 2013, 09:07
A true story from Associated Press, Reported by Kurt Westerv

by Silver_Shiney » 21 Apr 2013, 10:22

First post

At the 1994 annual awards dinner given for Forensic Science, AAFS President Dr Don Harper Mills astounded his audience with the legal complications...

Last post

but amusing nevertheless!

2 Replies

227 Views

Last post by Silver_Shiney
21 Apr 2013, 10:32
Axis of Evil Wannabees by John Cleese

by Silver_Shiney » 21 Apr 2013, 10:19

Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the Axis of Evil, Libya, China and Syria today announced that they had formed the Axis of Just as Evil,...

0 Replies

172 Views

Last post by Silver_Shiney
21 Apr 2013, 10:19
Extended Warranty registration

by Silver_Shiney » 16 Apr 2013, 19:13

Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the...

0 Replies

197 Views

Last post by Silver_Shiney
16 Apr 2013, 19:13
Tell me about it

by Not so ancient mariner » 12 Apr 2013, 19:28

One day a devout Jewish man in a small town goes to visit his local Rabbi. The Rabbi asks, How can I help you today? The man replies Rabbi, it's...

0 Replies

182 Views

Last post by Not so ancient mariner
12 Apr 2013, 19:28
Monastery

by Peter D » 14 Mar 2013, 19:28

First post

A man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery.

He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, My car broke down....

Last post

... an' close the door behind you ;)

7 Replies

443 Views

Last post by Silver_Shiney
01 Apr 2013, 21:42
Will I live to be 90?

by Not so ancient mariner » 30 Mar 2013, 07:22

First post

I recently gained a new GP as the one I had seen for years had retired. Since I had just turned 60, and not knowing me, the new chap decided to give...

Last post

And that's exactly how I intend to arrive but with Merlot in hand rather than Chardonnay :o :lol: :lol:

2 Replies

212 Views

Last post by Dancing Queen
30 Mar 2013, 13:42
TESCO

by Ray Scully » 20 Jan 2013, 13:31

First post

Tesco are giving treble points on your Clubcard for all burgers and petrol, starting Monday.

The deal is called Only Fuel and Horses. :D :D :D :D

Last post

Shergar's bum (11 letters with 2 x s) is actually an anagram of Shamburgers - which may be even more appropriate!!

4 Replies

852 Views

Last post by Not so ancient mariner
30 Mar 2013, 08:53
EATING IN THE UK DURING THE FIFTIES

by jacksparrow » 27 Feb 2013, 15:12

First post

* Pasta we did not think had been invented
* Curry was an unknown entity.
* Olive oil was kept in the medicine cabinet
* Spices came from the Middle...

Last post

My old Gran told me all about that stuff !!

6 Replies

592 Views

Last post by qbman1
14 Mar 2013, 16:04
Aging

by Silver_Shiney » 26 Feb 2013, 06:48

First post

A group of chaps, all aged 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch.

Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Newcastle...

Last post

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied..
'Two...

6 Replies

698 Views

Last post by Silver_Shiney
28 Feb 2013, 21:13
Accident Claim

by Peter D » 26 Feb 2013, 15:27

First post

Dear Sir,

I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put 'poor planning' as the...

Last post

It's very clever and makes you wonder how they dream them up.

2 Replies

524 Views

Last post by oldbluefox
26 Feb 2013, 17:31
Smart A*se Answers

by qbman1 » 22 Jan 2013, 16:03

First post

As just promised in LOTP:

SMART a*se ANSWER 5
It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane:
Would you like dinner? the flight...

Last post

Can't add anything, but have just read through these and have only just stopped laughing........ :)

2 Replies

917 Views

Last post by JenniC
20 Feb 2013, 20:13
Flying

by Silver_Shiney » 23 Jan 2013, 14:24

First post

Having now done a handful of cruises and several overseas flights, I’ve come to realise that, although the security procedures for boarding are just...

Last post

Good to see you back, nsam!

9 Replies

876 Views

Last post by Silver_Shiney
19 Feb 2013, 06:40
I can't BEAR it...!

by qbman1 » 07 Feb 2013, 15:04

First post

Here's a bit of fun on YouTube:

Bear Video

Last post

:lol: :lol:

2 Replies

794 Views

Last post by Wina G
07 Feb 2013, 19:00
If...

by Silver_Shiney » 04 Feb 2013, 13:56

IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make...

0 Replies

1033 Views

Last post by Silver_Shiney
04 Feb 2013, 13:56
Flying (2)

by Silver_Shiney » 30 Jan 2013, 19:59

Kulula airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight safety lecture and announcements a bit more entertaining.

Here are some real examples...

0 Replies

737 Views

Last post by Silver_Shiney
30 Jan 2013, 19:59
Einstein the Parrot

by qbman1 » 29 Jan 2013, 12:37

First post

This has been doing the e-mail rounds but, in case you haven't seen it, it is well worth a look

Last post

very good!

1 Replies

750 Views

Last post by Silver_Shiney
29 Jan 2013, 13:41
How not to board a yacht

by qbman1 » 23 Jan 2013, 12:48

First post

This might give you bikers and sailors a smile

Last post

A read through the credits on the full version is worth a look, too!

2 Replies

837 Views

Last post by Silver_Shiney
23 Jan 2013, 13:33
Better than a flu jab?

by jacksparrow » 22 Jan 2013, 14:10

Better than a Flu Shot!
Miss Beatrice, The church organist, Was in her eighties And had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and...

0 Replies

722 Views

Last post by jacksparrow
22 Jan 2013, 14:10
Snowman

by jacksparrow » 21 Jan 2013, 12:33

First post

Silly joke but in view of the weather.....

A sign outside a house stated 'For Sale - one snowman, needs building!'

Well I told you it was...

Last post

If anyone wants to see it, pm me your e-mail address and I will forward it on

5 Replies

813 Views

Last post by qbman1
22 Jan 2013, 13:25

34 topics • Page 1 of 1

Return to Board Index

Cruise Community Forum : Disclaimer

Jokes

Board Disclaimer