Smart A*se Answers

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qbman1
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Location: Oxfordshire

Smart A*se Answers

#1

Post by qbman1 »

As just promised in LOTP:


SMART a*se ANSWER 5
It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane:
"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row.
"What are my choices?" the man asked.
"Yes or no," she replied.


SMART a*se ANSWER 4

A lady was picking through the frozen Chickens at a Woolworth's store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a passing assistant, "Do these Chickens get any bigger?"
The assistant replied, "I'm afraid not, they're dead."


SMART a*se ANSWER 3

The policeman got out of his car and the teenager he stopped for speeding rolled down his window.
"I've been waiting for you all day," the Cop said.
The kid replied, "Well I got here as fast as I could."
When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.


SMART a*se ANSWER 2

A truck driver was driving along on a country road. A sign came up that read " Low Bridge Ahead."
Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under it.
Cars were backed up for miles. Finally, a police car arrived.
The policeman got out of his car and walked to the truck's cab and said to the driver, "Got stuck, hey?"
The truck driver said, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of diesel!"


SMART a*se ANSWER OF THE YEAR

A teacher at West Australian High School reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final exam.
"Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack, a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-arsed teenager at the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering..
When silence was restored, the teacher smiled at the student, shook her head and sweetly said,
"Well, I would expect you to write the exam with your other hand."

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Not so ancient mariner
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Posts: 1806
Joined: February 2013
Location: Cumbria

Re: Smart A*se Answers

#2

Post by Not so ancient mariner »

Smart a*se answers for all Employees Who Work With Rude Customers

An award should go to the Virgin Airlines gate attendant in Sydney some months ago for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.

A crowded Virgin flight was cancelled after Virgin's 767s had been withdrawn from service. A single attendant was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travellers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it
HAS to be FIRST CLASS".


The attendant replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."

The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"

Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone: "May I have your attention please, may I have your attention please," she began - her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. "we have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14."

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the Virgin attendant, gritted his teeth and said, "F... You!"

Without flinching, she smiled and said, (I love this bit)...............


"I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to join the queue for that too!!

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JenniC
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Posts: 968
Joined: January 2013
Location: Surrey

Re: Smart A*se Answers

#3

Post by JenniC »

Can't add anything, but have just read through these and have only just stopped laughing........ :)
Jenni

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