The Bible and Darwin's The Origin of Species

[The Monocled Mutineer]

One day the zoo-keeper noticed that the orang-utan was reading two books - the Bible and Darwin's The Origin of Species. In surprise he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those books"?

"Well," said the orang-utang, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."

[Silver_Shiney]

Who introduced pork to the Navy?

Noah, when he took Ham onto the Ark

[towny44]

Derek, I recently read this in the Daily Mail, a publication which I thought you abhorred!

[Silver_Shiney]

Derek, I recently read this in the Daily Mail, a publication which I thought you abhorred!

It's a very old joke, so it's possible TMM acquired it from a source more in tune with his delicate requirements

[Dark Knight]

what woman's weekly

[The Monocled Mutineer]

I read it on a science forum - joke section.

Towny44:

You may have enjoyed the association but I can assure you I do NOT even give that rag the time of day - a newspaper (like the Express) for little englanders.

[HK phooey]

You've just admitted you do give it the time of day. I knew it

[The Monocled Mutineer]

HKP:

Thank you for the proof read.

Yours truly, &c., &c.,

Derek Kane, or The Monocled Mutineer, or TMM, or MM (or DK, although this may cause confusion with Bruce Wayne's altar ego, so is best avoided, as should be 'Degsy').

[Silver_Shiney]

Ovulation versus cretinism

Two different theories exist concerning the origin of children: the theory of sexual reproduction, and the theory of the stork. Many people believe in the theory of sexual reproduction because they have been taught this theory at school.

In reality, however, many of the world's leading scientists are in favour of the theory of the stork. If the theory of sexual reproduction is taught in schools, it must only be taught as a theory and not as the truth. Alternative theories, such as the theory of the stork, must also be taught.

Evidence supporting the theory of the stork includes the following:

1. It is a scientifically established fact that the stork does exist. This can be confirmed by every ornithologist.

2. The alleged human foetal development contains several features that the theory of sexual reproduction is unable to explain.

3. The theory of sexual reproduction implies that a child is approximately nine months old at birth. This is an absurd claim. Everyone knows that a newborn child is newborn.

4. According to the theory of sexual reproduction, children are a result of sexual intercourse. There are, however, several well documented cases where sexual intercourse has not led to the birth of a child.

5. Statistical studies in the Netherlands have indicated a positive correlation between the birth rate and the number of storks. Both are decreasing.

6. The theory of the stork can be investigated by rigorous scientific methods. The only assumption involved is that children are delivered by the stork.

http://www.antievolution.org/features/e ... rkism.html

[Silver_Shiney]

Scientists and God

One day a group of Darwinian scientists got together and decided that man had come a long way and no longer needed God. So they picked one Darwinian to go and tell Him that they were done with Him.

The Darwinian walked up to God and said, "God, we've decided that we no longer need you. We're to the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous things, so why don't you just go on and get lost."

God listened very patiently and kindly to the man. After the Darwinian was done talking, God said, "Very well, how about this? Let's say we have a man-making contest." To which the Darwinian happily agreed.

God added, "Now, we're going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam."

The Darwinian said, "Sure, no problem" and bent down and grabbed himself a handful of dirt.

God looked at him and said, "No, no, no. You go get your own dirt!!!!"

[Silver_Shiney]

A little girl asked her father: “Where did the human race come from?”

The father answered, ‘God made Adam and Eve; they had children; and so was all mankind made.’

A couple of days later the little girl asked her mother the same question.

The mother answered, ‘Many years ago there were some monkeys from which the human race evolved.’

The confused girl returned to her father and said, ‘Dad, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Mom said we evolved from monkeys?’

The father answered, ‘Well, Dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family, and your mother told you about hers.’

[Manoverboard]

I checked with my Mother and she said that she had never even seen a stork ... apart from the type sold at Sainsbugs of course. Mobietta and I didn't see a stork either until the eldest boy was nine years old.

Gooseberry bushes ... now, we did have a couple of those so that'll be it then

[HK phooey]

HKP:

Thank you for the proof read.

Yours truly, &c., &c.,

Derek Kane, or The Monocled Mutineer, or TMM, or MM (or DK, although this may cause confusion with Bruce Wayne's altar ego, so is best avoided, as should be 'Degsy').

You're welcome. As you may know my favourite pet chicken's given name was Derek and she was often called Degsy. Day after day I would stand at the back door and call her and she would come running to me for her cuddle. Sadly she was murdered, in her own garden, by a horrible fox a few months ago. Anyway, my point is that never once in her short but beautiful life did she show the slightest irritaion at being called Degsy, and if the name was good enough for my much loved pet chicken then it is certainly good enough for you. I hope We'll have no more of your grandstanding on the subject.

[Dark Knight]

Bruce Wayne's alter ego is Batman

P.E Dant
Hull Branch

[Silver_Shiney]

and MM is Mariner Mike

[Not so ancient mariner]

Bruce Wayne's alter ego is Batman

P.E Dant
Hull Branch

Actually, MoMu wrote altar ego. Does that mean he has created a craven image of you?

Your colleague from the Cumbria Branch.

[Dark Knight]

NOTSO
As MoMu does not believe in the divine, he has decided to worship the sublime instead, it is hard being humble, but I do try

[Silver_Shiney]

NOTSO
As MoMu does not believe in the divine, he has decided to worship the sublime instead, it is hard being humble, but I do try

And there was me thinking he worshipped at the feet of Dawkins.....

[Silver_Shiney]

As the jokes on here are long past, perhaps the mods should look at either locking the thread, or move it to General Chat?

[Dark Knight]

SS
imitation is the sincerest form of flattery...not worship.

[Silver_Shiney]

SS
imitation is the sincerest form of flattery...not worship.

ah well, if the Dawk squawks...!

[Silver_Shiney]

Creationist: "So could the days of creation be different lengths of time?"

Professor of Theology: "Yes, definitely"

Creationist: "So could they be six millions years long?"

Professor: "Absolutely"

Creationist: "So the days could actually be any length of time?"

Professor: "Well.. er...um yes.. they could"

Creationist: "So how about six days?"

Professor: "NO!"