Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

Friday morning "Morning All"
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Stephen
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Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

Post by Stephen » 14 Sep 2018, 08:56

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It's Friday Fun Time


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Stephen
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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

Post by Stephen » 14 Sep 2018, 08:57

St. Peter appeared to Paddy and said, “To get into heaven, you have to give up the drink the fags and the sex”.

He reappeared a few months later and asked Paddy how he got on.

Paddy said, “Well, I gave up the drink and the fags, but when it came to the sex it just got the better of me. When my wife bent over the freezer, I had to take her there and then”.

“Oooh, they won’t be happy in heaven!” said St. Peter.

“Well, they weren’t too happy in Tesco’s either” said Paddy.

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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

Post by Stephen » 14 Sep 2018, 12:33

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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

Post by Stephen » 14 Sep 2018, 12:34

Wetherspoons has confirmed it is banning dogs from all of its pubs in the UK from Monday.
I'm gonna have to start doing my pulling in Yates's then.

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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

Post by oldbluefox » 14 Sep 2018, 12:42

A man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant and while sitting at his regular table, he notices a gorgeous woman sitting all alone at a nearby table.
He calls the waiter over and asks for their most expensive bottle of Merlot to be sent over to her, knowing that, if she accepts it, she is his.
The waiter gets the bottle and quickly brings it over to the woman, saying this is from the gentleman over there. She looks at the wine and sends a note over to the man.
Her note reads: For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a BMW in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and seven inches in your pants."
The man, after reading her note, chuckles, and sends a note of his own back to her.
His note reads: "Just so you know, I happen to have a Ferrari Testarossa, a BMW 850, and a Volvo in my garage. I have over twenty five million dollars in the bank.
But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut three inches off.
JUST SEND THE BOTTLE BACK

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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

Post by oldbluefox » 14 Sep 2018, 12:44

This morning, around 7:00 AM, I went for my stroll around the marina. I noticed a man with a long blade knife running down the dock towards me.
He was dressed in Islamic clothing and he shouted:
"Allah be praised!” and "Death to all Infidels!,” when suddenly he tripped and fell into the water.
He was struggling to stay afloat because of the weight of all the explosives he was carrying, and I knew that If he didn't get help he would surely drown!
Being a responsible citizen and abiding by the moral code that requires a person to get help to those in distress, I contacted the Police, the Coast Guard, Homeland Security. and even the Fire Department.
It is now 11:00 AM, the terrorist has drowned, and none of the authorities has responded.
I'm starting to think I just wasted four stamps

The Budget - 2000 Years ago
“The budget should be balanced, the Treasury should be refilled, public debt should be reduced, the arrogance of officialdom should be tempered and controlled and assistance to foreign lands should be curtailed, lest Rome become bankrupt. People must again learn to work instead of living on public assistance.” CICERO 55 BC
Rome fell: And, it appears we’ve learned nothing in the past 2000 PLUS years.

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