It's Friday Fun Time
Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15983
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15983
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Little Sally was digging a hole in her backyard when her neighbor asked what she was doing.
"I'm burying my pet bird", Sally said.
Her neighbor asked: "Isn't that an awfully big hole, for such a little bird?"
Sally replied: "Yeah, except he's inside your f*****g cat."
"I'm burying my pet bird", Sally said.
Her neighbor asked: "Isn't that an awfully big hole, for such a little bird?"
Sally replied: "Yeah, except he's inside your f*****g cat."
Last edited by Stephen on 18 Nov 2016, 07:03, edited 1 time in total.
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oldbluefox
- Ex Team Member
- Posts: 11354
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Cumbria
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Dear Airlines,
Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place.
Replace all the female flight attendants with YOUNG, good-looking strippers!
What the hell!! They don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss?
The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a "party atmosphere" going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women.
Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a salary, thus saving even more money.
Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues.
This is definitely a win - win situation if we handle it right -- a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.
Why didn't Reagan, the Bushes or Obama think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself?
Sincerely,
Donald Trump.
Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place.
Replace all the female flight attendants with YOUNG, good-looking strippers!
What the hell!! They don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss?
The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a "party atmosphere" going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women.
Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a salary, thus saving even more money.
Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues.
This is definitely a win - win situation if we handle it right -- a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.
Why didn't Reagan, the Bushes or Obama think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself?
Sincerely,
Donald Trump.
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oldbluefox
- Ex Team Member
- Posts: 11354
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Cumbria
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Grandma's letter; She is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car.
She writes: Dear Grand-daughter, The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a Honk if you love Jesus bumper sticker. I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.
Boy, am I glad I did, what an uplifting experience that followed. I was stopped at a red light at a busy junction, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed. I found that lots of people love Jesus!
While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, For the lov e of God! Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO! What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.
I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love! I saw a guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant. He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back.
My grandson burst out laughing. Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!! A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I waved at all my brothers and sisters grinning, and drove on through the junction.
I noticed that I was the only car that got through before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared. So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.
Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!
Will write again soon, Love, Grandma
She writes: Dear Grand-daughter, The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a Honk if you love Jesus bumper sticker. I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.
Boy, am I glad I did, what an uplifting experience that followed. I was stopped at a red light at a busy junction, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed. I found that lots of people love Jesus!
While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, For the lov e of God! Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO! What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.
I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love! I saw a guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant. He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back.
My grandson burst out laughing. Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!! A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I waved at all my brothers and sisters grinning, and drove on through the junction.
I noticed that I was the only car that got through before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared. So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.
Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!
Will write again soon, Love, Grandma
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qbman1
- Captain
- Posts: 12153
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Oxfordshire
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Pay heed, Spuddy !
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qbman1
- Captain
- Posts: 12153
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Oxfordshire
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qbman1
- Captain
- Posts: 12153
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Oxfordshire
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
A tough old cowboy once told his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning.
The grandson did this religiously and he lived to the age of 93.
When he died, he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 35 great grandchildren and a fifteen foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.
The grandson did this religiously and he lived to the age of 93.
When he died, he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 35 great grandchildren and a fifteen foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.
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qbman1
- Captain
- Posts: 12153
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Oxfordshire
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
CAT DIARY
DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
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DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favourite chair...must try this on their bed.
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DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.
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DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.
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DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid.
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DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odour of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
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DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue. (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured.
But I can wait; it is only a matter of time.
DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
---------
DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favourite chair...must try this on their bed.
---------
DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.
---------
DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.
---------
DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid.
---------
DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odour of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
---------
DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue. (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured.
But I can wait; it is only a matter of time.
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qbman1
- Captain
- Posts: 12153
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Oxfordshire
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
If you could scroll right, you would see OL in hot pursuit !
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oldbluefox
- Ex Team Member
- Posts: 11354
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Cumbria
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15983
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
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Silver_Shiney
- Deputy Captain
- Posts: 6400
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Bradley Stoke
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Mervyn and Trish
- Commodore
- Posts: 15353
- Joined: February 2013
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Surely you'd know?
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Onelife
- Captain
- Posts: 11359
- Joined: January 2013
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
qbman1 wrote:If you could scroll right, you would see OL in hot pursuit !
CxjE0NQWEAASsIA.jpg
Baaaastard
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Mervyn and Trish
- Commodore
- Posts: 15353
- Joined: February 2013
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Cubie or the sheep?
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Onelife
- Captain
- Posts: 11359
- Joined: January 2013
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Mervyn and Trish wrote:Cubie or the sheep?
I think this is one of those times when a close family member should break the news to him...
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qbman1
- Captain
- Posts: 12153
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Oxfordshire
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Does SS's hand sanitiser work with sheep's bits as well ?
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oldbluefox
- Ex Team Member
- Posts: 11354
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Cumbria
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15983
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
It's Friday Fun Time
The clue is in the heading folks
The clue is in the heading folks
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qbman1
- Captain
- Posts: 12153
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Oxfordshire
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
You know us - just give us a topic - and we're off !!
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david63
- Site Admin
- Posts: 9436
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- Location: Lancashire
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qbman1
- Captain
- Posts: 12153
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Oxfordshire
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
You'll miss us when we're gone
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Mervyn and Trish
- Commodore
- Posts: 15353
- Joined: February 2013
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
He might not. He's been seen practising at the rifle range
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Silver_Shiney
- Deputy Captain
- Posts: 6400
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Bradley Stoke
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
I was wondering what the smell was...qbman1 wrote:You know us - just give us a topic - and we're off !!
Alan
Q-CC-KOS
Q-CC-TBM
Q-CC-KOS
Q-CC-TBM
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qbman1
- Captain
- Posts: 12153
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Oxfordshire
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Stop posting here immediately - you'll upset Steph and she can't take much more in her condition