It's Friday Fun Time
Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15977
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15977
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Wow. The neighborhood barber just got arrested for dealing drugs.
I've been his customer for years.
I had no idea he was a barber.
I've been his customer for years.
I had no idea he was a barber.
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qbman1
- Captain
- Posts: 12153
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Oxfordshire
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
A good-looking city-type is sitting in a bar, sipping a single malt.
He notices a gorgeous woman at the end of the bar, talking with a friend. He calls over a waiter, and sends them both a Martini, along with a note asking for the gorgeous woman's phone number.
Ten minutes later, the friend walks over with a note. It reads:
"Unless you have a Mercedes parked outside, a million quid in the bank, and eight inches in your trousers, you're not getting anything from me."
The man finishes his whisky, considering his response. He then writes this down on a piece of paper, hands it to the friend, and walks out:
"Actually, I only have about £300k in the bank; most of my net worth is in the three dozen buildings I own in the City. And today, I'm driving the Porsche; the Benz, Hummer, and Lamborghini are currently at my summer residence.
But if you think I'm cutting off two inches for you, you can forget it."
He notices a gorgeous woman at the end of the bar, talking with a friend. He calls over a waiter, and sends them both a Martini, along with a note asking for the gorgeous woman's phone number.
Ten minutes later, the friend walks over with a note. It reads:
"Unless you have a Mercedes parked outside, a million quid in the bank, and eight inches in your trousers, you're not getting anything from me."
The man finishes his whisky, considering his response. He then writes this down on a piece of paper, hands it to the friend, and walks out:
"Actually, I only have about £300k in the bank; most of my net worth is in the three dozen buildings I own in the City. And today, I'm driving the Porsche; the Benz, Hummer, and Lamborghini are currently at my summer residence.
But if you think I'm cutting off two inches for you, you can forget it."
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qbman1
- Captain
- Posts: 12153
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Oxfordshire
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
My wife loves sales.
She'll buy anything that's marked down.
Yesterday she came home with an escalator.
She'll buy anything that's marked down.
Yesterday she came home with an escalator.
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15977
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15977
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
The year 2035, The first manned mission to Mars has just touched down, the astronaut opens the door and puts his foot down on to martian soil.
Suddenly, he receives a text message........ There are Hot local girls online in your area looking for sex"
Suddenly, he receives a text message........ There are Hot local girls online in your area looking for sex"
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qbman1
- Captain
- Posts: 12153
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Oxfordshire
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Paddy shows up at the bar all out of breath so Murphy asks him “what the hell is wrong with you?”
So Paddy says "I’ve been running from the cops but I finally lost them"
Murphy then asked "what the hell did you do?"
Paddy replied " I was peeing in the shower and the cops showed up to arrest me!"
"That’s not against the law" said Murphy, "That’s what I thought," said Paddy.
"But those guys at Homebase sure must have thought it was"
So Paddy says "I’ve been running from the cops but I finally lost them"
Murphy then asked "what the hell did you do?"
Paddy replied " I was peeing in the shower and the cops showed up to arrest me!"
"That’s not against the law" said Murphy, "That’s what I thought," said Paddy.
"But those guys at Homebase sure must have thought it was"
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qbman1
- Captain
- Posts: 12153
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Oxfordshire
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
A Sunday school teacher asked her students to draw a picture of Jesus's family.
After collecting the drawings, she noticed that one little boy's drawing depicted an airplane with four heads sticking out of the windows.
"I see you drew three heads to show Joseph, Mary and Jesus," she said to the boy. "But who does the fourth head belong to?"
The boy replied, "That's Pontius the pilot."
After collecting the drawings, she noticed that one little boy's drawing depicted an airplane with four heads sticking out of the windows.
"I see you drew three heads to show Joseph, Mary and Jesus," she said to the boy. "But who does the fourth head belong to?"
The boy replied, "That's Pontius the pilot."
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qbman1
- Captain
- Posts: 12153
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Oxfordshire
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Actual answers given by contestants on the American version of the game show Family Fortunes:
Name something that floats in the bath - Water
Name something a blind person might use - A sword
Name a song with 'moon' in the title - Blue Suede Moon
Something you do before going to bed - Sleep
Name a famous bridge - The bridge over troubled waters
A sign of the zodiac - April
Something slippery - A con man
A part of the body beginning with the letter 'N' - Knee
Something you do in the bathroom - Decorate
Name something that floats in the bath - Water
Name something a blind person might use - A sword
Name a song with 'moon' in the title - Blue Suede Moon
Something you do before going to bed - Sleep
Name a famous bridge - The bridge over troubled waters
A sign of the zodiac - April
Something slippery - A con man
A part of the body beginning with the letter 'N' - Knee
Something you do in the bathroom - Decorate
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15977
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
.......or you didn't leave a tip 
Last edited by Stephen on 17 Mar 2017, 14:31, edited 1 time in total.
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15977
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
"Sometimes you just need a car ride to clear your head."
— John. F. Kennedy
— John. F. Kennedy
