Morning All ~~~ :) ~~~

Friday morning "Morning All"
User avatar

Topic author
Stephen
Commodore
Commodore
Posts: 15983
Joined: January 2013
Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)

Morning All ~~~ :) ~~~

#1

Post by Stephen »

Image


It's Friday Fun Time


Colin, the Aborigine.

A rich man living in Darwin decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbours.
He also invited Colin, the only aborigine in the neighbourhood.

He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion.

Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating prawns, oysters and BBQ and flirting.

At the height of the party, the host said, 'I have a 15ft man-eating crocodile in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the balls to jump in.

The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash and everyone turned around and saw Colin in the pool fighting the croc, jabbing the croc in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, doing all kinds of stuff like head butts and choke holds, biting the croc on the tail and flipping the croc through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor.

The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Colin and the croc were screaming and raising hell..

Finally Colin strangled the croc and let it float to the top like a dead goldfish.

Colin then slowly climbed out of the pool.

Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.


The host says, 'Well, Colin, I reckon I owe you a million dollars.'

'Nah, you all right boss, I don't want it,' said Colin.


The rich man said, 'Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet. How about half a million bucks then?'

'No thanks. I don't want it,' answered Colin.

The host said, 'Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?

Again, Colin said "No."

Confused, the rich man asked, 'Well Colin, then what do you want?


Colin said, I want the b**tard that pushed me in.
Last edited by Stephen on 14 Apr 2017, 08:43, edited 1 time in total.

User avatar

Topic author
Stephen
Commodore
Commodore
Posts: 15983
Joined: January 2013
Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)

Re: Morning All ~~~ :) ~~~

#2

Post by Stephen »

14906861_10154262457634620_4337179119849502114_n.jpg

User avatar

oldbluefox
Ex Team Member
Posts: 11355
Joined: January 2013
Location: Cumbria

Re: Morning All ~~~ :) ~~~

#3

Post by oldbluefox »

Text of a letter from a kid from Eromanga to Mum and Dad. (For those of you not in the know, Eromanga is a small town, west of Quilpie in the far south west of Queensland )

Dear Mum & Dad,

I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin' on the station - tell them to get in bloody quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don't hafta get outta bed until 6am. But I like sleeping in now, cuz all ya gotta do before brekky is make ya bed and shine ya boots and clean ya uniform. No bloody horses to get in, no calves to feed, no troughs to clean - nothin'!! Ya haz gotta shower though, but its not so bad, coz there's lotsa hot water and even a light to see what ya doing!

At brekky ya get cereal, fruit and eggs but there's no kangaroo steaks or goanna stew like wot Mum makes You don't get fed again until noon and by that time all the city boys are buggared because we've been on a 'route march' - geez its only just like walking to the windmill in the bullock paddock!!

This one will kill me brothers Doug and Phil with laughter. I keep getting medals for shootin' - dunno why. The bullseye is as big as a bloody dingo's a*se and it don't move and it's not firing back at ya like the Johnsons did when our big scrubber bull got into their prize cows before the Ekka last year! All ya gotta do is make yourself comfortable and hit the target - it's a piece of p...!! You don't even load your own cartridges, they comes in little boxes, and ya don't have to steady yourself against the rollbar of the roo shooting truck when you reload!

Sometimes ya gotta wrestle with the city boys and I gotta be real careful coz they break easy - it's not like fighting with Doug and Phil and Jack and Boori and Steve and Muzza all at once like we do at home after the muster.

Turns out I'm not a bad boxer either and it looks like I'm the best the platoon's got, and I've only been beaten by this one bloke from the Engineers - he's 6 foot 5 and 15 stone and three pick handles across the shoulders and as ya know I'm only 5 foot 7 and eight stone wringin' wet, but I fought him till the other blokes carried me off to the boozer.

I can't complain about the Army - tell the boys to get in quick before word gets around how bloody good it is.

Your loving daughter,

Susan

User avatar

Topic author
Stephen
Commodore
Commodore
Posts: 15983
Joined: January 2013
Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)

Re: Morning All ~~~ :) ~~~

#4

Post by Stephen »

17098262_1284475798327240_2419553272218234999_n.jpg

User avatar

Topic author
Stephen
Commodore
Commodore
Posts: 15983
Joined: January 2013
Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)

Re: Morning All ~~~ :) ~~~

#5

Post by Stephen »

I THINK YOU'RE THE FATHER OF ONE OF MY KIDS...


A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at
him. She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place
where he knows her from.


So he says, 'Do you know me?' To which she replies, 'I think you're the
father of one of my kids.' Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been
unfaithful to his wife and says, 'Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that
I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner
whipped my butt with wet celery???'


She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher.'

User avatar

gfwgfw
First Officer
First Officer
Posts: 1854
Joined: January 2013
Location: Poole Bay, Dorset

Re: Morning All ~~~ :) ~~~

#6

Post by gfwgfw »

Stephen and playmates

Do have a "jolly" eggy Easter one and all

Lubbboo all :wave:

The Cerne Giant
Gentle Giant of Cerne Abbas :wave:

User avatar

Mervyn and Trish
Commodore
Commodore
Posts: 15358
Joined: February 2013

Re: Morning All ~~~ :) ~~~

#7

Post by Mervyn and Trish »

gfwgfw wrote: 14 Apr 2017, 12:59
Stephen and playmates

Do have a "jolly" eggy Easter one and all

Lubbboo all :wave:

The Cerne Giant
:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:

User avatar

Topic author
Stephen
Commodore
Commodore
Posts: 15983
Joined: January 2013
Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)

Re: Morning All ~~~ :) ~~~

#8

Post by Stephen »

gfwgfw wrote: 14 Apr 2017, 12:59
Stephen and playmates

Do have a "jolly" eggy Easter one and all

Lubbboo all :wave:

The Cerne Giant
And to you Graham :thumbup:

User avatar

Topic author
Stephen
Commodore
Commodore
Posts: 15983
Joined: January 2013
Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)

Re: Morning All ~~~ :) ~~~

#9

Post by Stephen »

King: How many volunteers do we have for my evil army?

Squire: 384 my liege

king: Ok, round them up

Squire: 400 my liege

User avatar

Topic author
Stephen
Commodore
Commodore
Posts: 15983
Joined: January 2013
Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)

Re: Morning All ~~~ :) ~~~

#10

Post by Stephen »

17884110_10155579514955663_7118093485167234817_n.jpg

User avatar

Mervyn and Trish
Commodore
Commodore
Posts: 15358
Joined: February 2013

Re: Morning All ~~~ :) ~~~

#11

Post by Mervyn and Trish »

FB_IMG_1492194444089.jpg

User avatar

Not so ancient mariner
First Officer
First Officer
Posts: 1806
Joined: February 2013
Location: Cumbria

Re: Morning All ~~~ :) ~~~

#12

Post by Not so ancient mariner »

and may peas be with you.

Return to “Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~”