It's Friday Fun Time
Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15984
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15984
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
A woman stopped me in the street this morning and asked if I'd ever considered changing my energy provider.
I said, "No, I'm quite happy with food."
I said, "No, I'm quite happy with food."
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kaymar
- Senior Second Officer
- Posts: 762
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Ellan Vannin
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
President Trump decides to leave the White House and go out to sit in a local bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, 'Isn't that Trump sitting at the end of the bar?'
The bartender says, 'Yep, that's him.' So the guy walks over and says, 'Wow, this is a real honour! What are you doing in here?'
Trump says, ' I'm planning WW III.' The guy says, 'Really? What's going to happen?'
Trump says, 'Well, I'm going to kill 140 million Muslims and one blonde with big tits.
The guy exclaimed, 'A blonde with big tits? Why kill a blonde with big tits?'
Trump turns to the bartender and says, 'See, I told you, no one gives a sh*t about the 140 million Muslims'.
The bartender says, 'Yep, that's him.' So the guy walks over and says, 'Wow, this is a real honour! What are you doing in here?'
Trump says, ' I'm planning WW III.' The guy says, 'Really? What's going to happen?'
Trump says, 'Well, I'm going to kill 140 million Muslims and one blonde with big tits.
The guy exclaimed, 'A blonde with big tits? Why kill a blonde with big tits?'
Trump turns to the bartender and says, 'See, I told you, no one gives a sh*t about the 140 million Muslims'.
Last edited by kaymar on 12 May 2017, 09:08, edited 1 time in total.
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15984
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15984
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Funeral costs are so expensive these days.
At my mother-in-law's, after paying for the bouncy castle and pony rides, we could barely afford the face-painting.
At my mother-in-law's, after paying for the bouncy castle and pony rides, we could barely afford the face-painting.
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qbman1
- Captain
- Posts: 12153
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Oxfordshire
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbour peered over the fence.
Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you doing there, Nancy?"
"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully without looking up, "and I've just buried him."
The neighbour was very concerned. "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Nancy patted down the last heap of dirt then replied, "That's because he's inside your f***ing cat."
Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you doing there, Nancy?"
"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully without looking up, "and I've just buried him."
The neighbour was very concerned. "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Nancy patted down the last heap of dirt then replied, "That's because he's inside your f***ing cat."
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qbman1
- Captain
- Posts: 12153
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Oxfordshire
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place.
A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.
He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again.
The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist."
The guy, surprised, says "Yes! How did you figure that out?"
"Easy," she replied, "you keep washing your hands."
One thing led to another and they make love.
After they have done, the girl says, "You must be a really good dentist."
The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Sure, I'm a good dentist, How did you figure that out?"
"Didn't feel a thing!"
A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.
He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again.
The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist."
The guy, surprised, says "Yes! How did you figure that out?"
"Easy," she replied, "you keep washing your hands."
One thing led to another and they make love.
After they have done, the girl says, "You must be a really good dentist."
The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Sure, I'm a good dentist, How did you figure that out?"
"Didn't feel a thing!"
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15984
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15984
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
I swear girls can be so ungrateful sometimes.
I made her breakfast in bed, and instead of saying “thank you”, she’s all like.......
“how did you get into my house?”
I made her breakfast in bed, and instead of saying “thank you”, she’s all like.......
“how did you get into my house?”
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qbman1
- Captain
- Posts: 12153
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Oxfordshire
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qbman1
- Captain
- Posts: 12153
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Oxfordshire
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Theresa May isn't daft
This is her competition....
This is her competition....
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15984
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Dear Sir
On behalf of Channel 4 Television, may I thank you for your application submitted on behalf of your wife for our new reality show. Also the charming photograph you enclosed of her standing next to the Mercedes.
Whilst agreeing that she could make a worthy contribution to the program if selected, I would point out that the correct title of the series is actually 'Fact Hunt'.
Kind regards
Channel 4
On behalf of Channel 4 Television, may I thank you for your application submitted on behalf of your wife for our new reality show. Also the charming photograph you enclosed of her standing next to the Mercedes.
Whilst agreeing that she could make a worthy contribution to the program if selected, I would point out that the correct title of the series is actually 'Fact Hunt'.
Kind regards
Channel 4
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15984
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
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qbman1
- Captain
- Posts: 12153
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Oxfordshire
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
There's a plumber trying to deliver a new basin next door but they're not answering.
Let that sink in.
Let that sink in.