Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

Friday morning "Morning All"
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Stephen
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Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

#1

Post by Stephen »

Image

It's Friday Fun Time


Dorothy is very upset as her husband Albert had just passed away. She goes to the mortuary to look at her dearly departed and the instant she sees him she starts wailing and crying. One of the attendants rushes up to comfort her. Through her tears she explains that she was upset because Albert was wearing a black suit and that it was his dying wish to be buried in a blue suit. The attendant apologises and explains that they always put the bodies in a black suit as a matter of course, but he'd see what he could do. The next day Dorothy returns to the mortuary to have one last moment with Albert before his funeral the following day. When the attendant pulls back the curtain, Dorothy manages to smile through her tears as Albert is now wearing a smart blue suit. She asks the attendant, "How did you manage to get that beautiful blue suit ?" "Well, yesterday afternoon after you left, a man about your husband's size was brought in and he was wearing a blue suit. Incredibly, his wife was very upset as he had always wanted to be buried in a black suit " the attendant replied. He continued "After that it was simply a matter of swapping the heads around."

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Stephen
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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

#2

Post by Stephen »

Excuse me sir, may I have tomorrow afternoon off? The wife wants me to go shopping with her.”

“Certainly not.”

“Thank you sir, I knew you’d understand.”

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qbman1
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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

#3

Post by qbman1 »

DC0uzvxXcAAD8Y8.jpg

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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

#4

Post by qbman1 »

DB5EuYyXkAAKQ-r.jpg


Ray Scully
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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

#5

Post by Ray Scully »

>
> Once upon a time there lived a King who had the most beautiful daughter.
>
> But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt.
>
> No matter what:
> Metal
> Wood
> Stone
> Anything she touched would melt.
>
> Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her.
>
> The King despaired. What could he do to help his daughter?
>
> He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the King,
> 'If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured.'
>
> The King was overjoyed and came up with a plan.
>
> The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an
> object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the King's wealth.
>
> THREE YOUNG PRINCES TOOK UP THE CHALLENGE.
>
> The first brought a sword of the finest steel.
>
> But alas, when the Princess touched it, it melted.
> The prince went away sadly
> The second prince brought diamonds.
> He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt.
> But alas, once the Princess touched them, they melted.
>
> He too was sent away disappointed.
>
> The third prince approached. He told the Princess,
> 'Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there.'
>
> The Princess did as she was told, though she turned red.
>
> She felt some thing very hard. She held it in her hand.
> And it did not melt!!!
> The King was over joyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed.
>
> And the Prince married the Princess and they both lived happily ever after.
>
> Question: What was in the Prince's pants
>
>
>
>
> Scroll down
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> M&M's of course! They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
> What on earth were you thinking?
>

>
>
> I DO WORRY ABOUT YOU LOT AT TIMES!

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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

#6

Post by qbman1 »

A company, feeling it was time for a shake up, hired a new CEO.

The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall and idly picking his teeth.

The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business.

He asked the guy, “How much money do you make a week?”

A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, “I make £300 a week. Why?”

The CEO said, ”Wait right here.”

He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy £1,200 in cash and said, “Here’s four weeks’ pay.

Now GET OUT and don’t come back.”

Feeling pretty good about himself the CEO looked around the room and asked

“Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?”

From across the room a voice said

“Sure – he was the Pizza delivery guy from Domino’s and was just waiting to collect the money!”

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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

#7

Post by qbman1 »

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter.

A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in pal. You're obviously drunk."

The wasted man asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"

"Yeah buddy, I'm sure," said the cop, "Let's go."

Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness. I thought I was crippled."

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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

#8

Post by qbman1 »

No, I haven't seen the cat !

DA_ViZ9WAAAbwlY.jpg

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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

#9

Post by Stephen »

An Irishman applying for a job as a blacksmith was asked if he had any experience shoeing horses...

He said no but he had told a donkey to f**k off once.

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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

#10

Post by Stephen »

18920542_987758088026149_3729649188781468939_n.jpg

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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

#11

Post by qbman1 »

It's a bad sign....

DC7tY4BXkAA1J3U.jpg

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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

#12

Post by qbman1 »

Bit harsh on the Queen & Prince Phil

DDMt-BZXgAEz40j.jpg


Ray Scully
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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

#13

Post by Ray Scully »

qbman1 wrote: 26 Jun 2017, 11:48
Bit harsh on the Queen & Prince Phil


DDMt-BZXgAEz40j.jpg
:o :? :thumbdown:

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Mervyn and Trish
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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

#14

Post by Mervyn and Trish »

But seriously, about time.

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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

#15

Post by qbman1 »

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