Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

[Stephen]

It's Friday Fun Time

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[Stephen]

I bought one of those Dyson Ball Cleaners last week. A&E have just told me i've misunderstood what it's for though.........

[Stephen]

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[Stephen]

I called my son's teacher this morning and said, "He won't be coming in today, he's got diarrhea and has just followed through in his pants. And he is embarrassed"
"Fair enough, " he said, "It's going around the school." "Is it?" I asked. "Yes," he laughed, "I'm telling everyone."

[oldbluefox]

The Ferrari F1 team fired their entire pit crew yesterday.
This announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the British government's 'Work for your Dole' scheme and employ some Liverpudlian youngsters.
The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary on how unemployed youths from Toxteth were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Ferrari's existing crew could only do it in 8 seconds with millions of pounds worth of high tech
equipment.
It was thought to be an excellent, bold move by the Ferrari management team as most races are won and lost in the pits, giving Ferrari an advantage over every other team.
However, Ferrari got more than they bargained for. At the crew's first practice session, not only was the scouse pit crew able to change all four wheels in under 6 seconds but, within 12 seconds, they had re-sprayed, re-badged and sold the car to the Mclaren team for 8 cases of Stella, a bag of weed and some photos of Lewis Hamilton's bird in the shower.

[oldbluefox]

It's Friday Fun Time


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Good one Stephen

[Stephen]

The Ferrari F1 team fired their entire pit crew yesterday.
This announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the British government's 'Work for your Dole' scheme and employ some Liverpudlian youngsters.
The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary on how unemployed youths from Toxteth were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Ferrari's existing crew could only do it in 8 seconds with millions of pounds worth of high tech
equipment.
It was thought to be an excellent, bold move by the Ferrari management team as most races are won and lost in the pits, giving Ferrari an advantage over every other team.
However, Ferrari got more than they bargained for. At the crew's first practice session, not only was the scouse pit crew able to change all four wheels in under 6 seconds but, within 12 seconds, they had re-sprayed, re-badged and sold the car to the Mclaren team for 8 cases of Stella, a bag of weed and some photos of Lewis Hamilton's bird in the shower.

[Stephen]

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[Stephen]

If your cup is only half, you probably need a different bra.

[Onelife]

"Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated."

"What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement.

"It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done" replies Steve.

"But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor, "It's a very serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It will change your life forever!"

"I'm aware of that and you're not going to change my mind -- either you book me in to be castrated or I'll simply go to another doctor."

"Well, OK.", says the doctor, "But it's against my better judgment!"

So Steve has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking very slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his drip stand. Heading towards him is another patient, who is walking exactly the same way.

"Hi there," says Steve,"It looks as if you've just had the same operation as me."



"Well," said the patient, "I finally decided after 37 years of life that I would like to be circumcised."

Steve stared at him in horror and screamed, "sh*t!"
that's the word

[Stephen]

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[Stephen]

Out of desperation I called the Suicide Hotline in Iraq... They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

[oldbluefox]

I'm in hospital!
Dont Panic! I ate what I thought was an onion, but it was a daffodill bulb!
Doctors reckon I'll be out in the Spring.

[oldbluefox]

Just had bubble and squeak for my dinner.
The grandkids didn’t give a crap about those rabbits!

[oldbluefox]

I bought my wife a new bag and a new belt for her Christmas.
She's made up!
The hoovers as good as new

[Stephen]

Me thinks someone's been collecting the Christmas cracker jokes

[david63]

Me thinks someone's been collecting the Christmas cracker jokes

Nah - they are too good for Christmas crackers, well at least for the ones that we had!!

[Stephen]

We are talking X BBC employee..........pots of money......on us

[oldbluefox]

Me thinks someone's been collecting the Christmas cracker jokes

I thought your jokes were pretty good really.

[gfwgfw]

My first elevator ride gave me an exhilarating lift

Sadly

The next was a bit of a downer