It's Friday Fun Time
Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15984
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15984
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
The Missing Wife
The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, a Twillingate, Newfoundland man answered his door to find two grim-faced RCMP officers.
"We're sorry Mr. Flynn, but we have some information about your wife," said one of the officers.
"Tell me! Did you find her?!" Cedric Flynn asked.
The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?"
Fearing the worst, Mr. Flynn said, "Give me the bad news first." The RCMP officer said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in the bay."
"Lord sufferin' Jesus!" exclaimed Flynn. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What could possibly be the good news?"
The officer continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 of the best looking Atlantic lobsters that you have ever seen clinging to her.
Haven't seen lobsters like that since the 1960's, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch."
Stunned, Mr. Flynn demanded, "If that's the good news, then what's the great news?"
The officer replied, "We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow."
The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, a Twillingate, Newfoundland man answered his door to find two grim-faced RCMP officers.
"We're sorry Mr. Flynn, but we have some information about your wife," said one of the officers.
"Tell me! Did you find her?!" Cedric Flynn asked.
The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?"
Fearing the worst, Mr. Flynn said, "Give me the bad news first." The RCMP officer said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in the bay."
"Lord sufferin' Jesus!" exclaimed Flynn. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What could possibly be the good news?"
The officer continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 of the best looking Atlantic lobsters that you have ever seen clinging to her.
Haven't seen lobsters like that since the 1960's, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch."
Stunned, Mr. Flynn demanded, "If that's the good news, then what's the great news?"
The officer replied, "We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow."
Last edited by Stephen on 16 Feb 2018, 07:33, edited 1 time in total.
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15984
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15984
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Teacher asked her reception class to name things that ended with “tor” that eat things.
The first little boy said, “Alligator.” “Very good James, that’s a big word.”
The second boy said, “Predator.” “Yes, that’s another big word Peter. Very well done.”
Little Johnny says, “Vibrator.” After nearly falling off her chair, she says, “That is a big word Johnny, but it doesn’t eat anything.”
“Well my Mum has one and she says it eats batteries like there’s no tomorrow!
The first little boy said, “Alligator.” “Very good James, that’s a big word.”
The second boy said, “Predator.” “Yes, that’s another big word Peter. Very well done.”
Little Johnny says, “Vibrator.” After nearly falling off her chair, she says, “That is a big word Johnny, but it doesn’t eat anything.”
“Well my Mum has one and she says it eats batteries like there’s no tomorrow!
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Ray Scully
- Senior First Officer
- Posts: 2053
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Lancashire
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Stephen wrote: ↑16 Feb 2018, 10:32Teacher asked her reception class to name things that ended with “tor” that eat things.
The first little boy said, “Alligator.” “Very good James, that’s a big word.”
The second boy said, “Predator.” “Yes, that’s another big word Peter. Very well done.”
Little Johnny says, “Vibrator.” After nearly falling off her chair, she says, “That is a big word Johnny, but it doesn’t eat anything.”
“Well my Mum has one and she says it eats batteries like there’s no tomorrow!
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oldbluefox
- Ex Team Member
- Posts: 11355
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Cumbria
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Good one Stephen.Stephen wrote: ↑16 Feb 2018, 07:33The Missing Wife
The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, a Twillingate, Newfoundland man answered his door to find two grim-faced RCMP officers.
"We're sorry Mr. Flynn, but we have some information about your wife," said one of the officers.
"Tell me! Did you find her?!" Cedric Flynn asked.
The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?"
Fearing the worst, Mr. Flynn said, "Give me the bad news first." The RCMP officer said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in the bay."
"Lord sufferin' Jesus!" exclaimed Flynn. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What could possibly be the good news?"
The officer continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 of the best looking Atlantic lobsters that you have ever seen clinging to her.
Haven't seen lobsters like that since the 1960's, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch."
Stunned, Mr. Flynn demanded, "If that's the good news, then what's the great news?"
The officer replied, "We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow."
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Ray Scully
- Senior First Officer
- Posts: 2053
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Lancashire
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
A Harley biker is riding by the zoo in Winnipeg, Manitoba when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her under the eyes of her screaming parents.
The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage, and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.
Whimpering from the pain, the lion jumps back letting go of the girl; and, the biker brings her to her terrified parents who thank him endlessly. A reporter had watched the entire event.
The reporter said to the Harley rider, 'Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I've seen a man do in my whole life.'
The Harley rider replies, 'Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt right.'
The reporter says, 'Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page. So, tell me, what do you do for a living and what political affiliations do you have?'
The biker replies, 'I'm a Canadian Soldier and a Conservative.'
The journalist leaves.
The following morning the biker buys the paper out of curiosity to see if it, indeed, brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:
CANADIAN SOLDIER ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH!
And that pretty much sums up the media's approach to the news these days.
The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage, and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.
Whimpering from the pain, the lion jumps back letting go of the girl; and, the biker brings her to her terrified parents who thank him endlessly. A reporter had watched the entire event.
The reporter said to the Harley rider, 'Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I've seen a man do in my whole life.'
The Harley rider replies, 'Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt right.'
The reporter says, 'Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page. So, tell me, what do you do for a living and what political affiliations do you have?'
The biker replies, 'I'm a Canadian Soldier and a Conservative.'
The journalist leaves.
The following morning the biker buys the paper out of curiosity to see if it, indeed, brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:
CANADIAN SOLDIER ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH!
And that pretty much sums up the media's approach to the news these days.
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15984
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
SBS frog man takes wrong turn
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15984
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)