It's Friday Fun Time
Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15983
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15983
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
I can't believe the racist tone of some of BBC commentators at the Winter Olympics.
Just heard one saying, "and now over to the slopes for some skiing action"
Just heard one saying, "and now over to the slopes for some skiing action"
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15983
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15983
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
My teenage son came up to me and said, “Dad I think I’m living in the wrong body?”
"Er, you think you’re transgendered?" "No, I think I might be a cow."
I said, "Thank God for that! But then why are you wearing one of your mum’s dresses?"
"Like I said, think I might be a cow."
"Er, you think you’re transgendered?" "No, I think I might be a cow."
I said, "Thank God for that! But then why are you wearing one of your mum’s dresses?"
"Like I said, think I might be a cow."
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Ray Scully
- Senior First Officer
- Posts: 2053
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Lancashire
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
A young lady, goes to her local pet store in search of an exotic pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of live frogs. The sign says:
“S.x Frogs! Only $20 each!
Money Back Guarantee!
Comes with complete instructions.”
The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody’s watching her. She whispers softly to the man behind the counter,”I’ll take one.”
The man packages the frog and says, “Just follow the instructions.” The girl nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home. As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she reads the instructions and reads them very carefully. She does exactly what is specified:
1. Take a shower.
2. Splash on some nice perfume.
3. Slip into a very s.xy nightie.
4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down beside you and allow the frog to follow it’s training.
She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and, to her surprise, nothing happens!
The girl is very disappointed and quite upset at this point. She rereads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, “If you have a problems or questions, please call the pet store.”
So, the lady calls the pet store. The man says, “I’ll be right over.” Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell.
The lady welcomes him in and says, “See, I’ve done everything according to the instructions. The damn thing just sit there.”
The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly at the frog and says, “Listen to me! I’m only going to show you how to do this one more time….”
“S.x Frogs! Only $20 each!
Money Back Guarantee!
Comes with complete instructions.”
The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody’s watching her. She whispers softly to the man behind the counter,”I’ll take one.”
The man packages the frog and says, “Just follow the instructions.” The girl nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home. As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she reads the instructions and reads them very carefully. She does exactly what is specified:
1. Take a shower.
2. Splash on some nice perfume.
3. Slip into a very s.xy nightie.
4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down beside you and allow the frog to follow it’s training.
She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and, to her surprise, nothing happens!
The girl is very disappointed and quite upset at this point. She rereads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, “If you have a problems or questions, please call the pet store.”
So, the lady calls the pet store. The man says, “I’ll be right over.” Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell.
The lady welcomes him in and says, “See, I’ve done everything according to the instructions. The damn thing just sit there.”
The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly at the frog and says, “Listen to me! I’m only going to show you how to do this one more time….”
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15983
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15983
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Most branches of KFC shut due to chicken shortage, McDonalds are said to be "Lovin it"
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Onelife
- Captain
- Posts: 11359
- Joined: January 2013
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
The Somalian Olympics Team has just apologized to the Olympic Committee after realizing that sailing and shooting were two separate events.
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Ray Scully
- Senior First Officer
- Posts: 2053
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Lancashire
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
It was George the Mailman’s last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.
At the second house, they presented him with a box of fine cigars.
The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house, he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful blonde woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, which she closed behind him, and took him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had enough, they went downstairs and she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice.
When he was truly satisfied, she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup’s bottom edge.
“All this was just too wonderful for words,” he said, “But what’s the dollar for?”
“Well,” she said, “Last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you.
He said, “Screw him. Give him a dollar.” The breakfast was my idea.”
When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.
At the second house, they presented him with a box of fine cigars.
The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house, he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful blonde woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, which she closed behind him, and took him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had enough, they went downstairs and she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice.
When he was truly satisfied, she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup’s bottom edge.
“All this was just too wonderful for words,” he said, “But what’s the dollar for?”
“Well,” she said, “Last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you.
He said, “Screw him. Give him a dollar.” The breakfast was my idea.”
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15983
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
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oldbluefox
- Ex Team Member
- Posts: 11354
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Cumbria
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
An Irish painter by the name of Murphy, while not a brilliant scholar, was a gifted portrait artist.
Over a short number of years, his fame grew and soon people from all over Ireland were coming to the town of Miltown Malbay, in County Clare, to get him to paint their likenesses.
One day, a beautiful young English woman arrived at his house in a stretch limo and asked if he would paint her in the nude. This being the first time anyone had made such a request he was a bit uncomfortable, particularly when the woman told him that money was no object; in fact, and she was willing to pay up to 10,000 pounds.
Not wanting to get into any marital strife, he asked her to wait while he went into the house to confer with Mary, his wife. They talked much about the Rightness and Wrongness of it. It was hard to make the decision but finally his wife agreed, on one condition. In a few minutes he returned.
"T'would be me pleasure to paint yer portrait missus," he said. "The wife says it's okay."
"I'll paint you in the nude all right; but I have to at least leave me socks on, so I have a place to wipe me brushes."
Over a short number of years, his fame grew and soon people from all over Ireland were coming to the town of Miltown Malbay, in County Clare, to get him to paint their likenesses.
One day, a beautiful young English woman arrived at his house in a stretch limo and asked if he would paint her in the nude. This being the first time anyone had made such a request he was a bit uncomfortable, particularly when the woman told him that money was no object; in fact, and she was willing to pay up to 10,000 pounds.
Not wanting to get into any marital strife, he asked her to wait while he went into the house to confer with Mary, his wife. They talked much about the Rightness and Wrongness of it. It was hard to make the decision but finally his wife agreed, on one condition. In a few minutes he returned.
"T'would be me pleasure to paint yer portrait missus," he said. "The wife says it's okay."
"I'll paint you in the nude all right; but I have to at least leave me socks on, so I have a place to wipe me brushes."
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15983
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
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gfwgfw
- First Officer
- Posts: 1854
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Poole Bay, Dorset
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
I went to docs today . . . suffering severe wind . . . he gave a kite
Gentle Giant of Cerne Abbas 
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 15983
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down Souf. The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Hope your keeping well and warm in this cold snap Graham.
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Ray Scully
- Senior First Officer
- Posts: 2053
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Lancashire
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
A probate attorney discusses with the family of a recently deceased millionaire for the reading of the will.
‘To my loving wife, Abby, who always stood by me, I leave the house, yacht and three millions dollars,’ the attorney reads.
‘To my darling daughter, Kimberley, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave the special car collection, the business and 2 million dollars.’
‘And finally,’ the lawyer concludes, ‘to my cousin Frederick, who hated me, argued with me and thought I would never mention him in my will.
Well, you were wrong.
Hi Frederick!’
‘To my loving wife, Abby, who always stood by me, I leave the house, yacht and three millions dollars,’ the attorney reads.
‘To my darling daughter, Kimberley, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave the special car collection, the business and 2 million dollars.’
‘And finally,’ the lawyer concludes, ‘to my cousin Frederick, who hated me, argued with me and thought I would never mention him in my will.
Well, you were wrong.
Hi Frederick!’