Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

Friday morning "Morning All"
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Stephen
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Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

#1

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Image


It's Friday Fun Time


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Stephen
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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

#2

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My wife's in a right stroppy mood.
Someone's stolen a pair of her pants off the washing line.
She's not bothered about the knickers, she just wants the twelve pegs back.

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oldbluefox
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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

#3

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A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries
and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will Be $9.40 please" The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke."
The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again. "The usual?" Asks the waitress. "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad," says the man. "Same," says the ostrich. Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62." Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, Sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your
pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and Found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would ask for a Million Dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"
"That's right..Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.
The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"
The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say.."

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oldbluefox
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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

#4

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Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time.
Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies.
One day the boss called him into the office for a talk.
"Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job, but your being late so often is quite bothersome."
"Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it."
"Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear.
It's odd though your coming in late. I know you're retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say if you came in late there?"
"They said, "Good morning, Admiral, can I get you coffee, sir?"

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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

#5

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37319897_449581502183665_3625854375315898368_n.jpg

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Stephen
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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

#6

Post by Stephen »

It’s my Scouse nephew’s birthday tomorrow.
So as a surprise I’ve put £10 pound in his nan’s purse.

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oldbluefox
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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

#7

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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

#8

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Not the best postcard.jpg
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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

#9

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I use to date a Dyslexic girl.
I took her home and she ended up cooking my sock.

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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

#10

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36664514_438538006621348_1613786197140701184_n.jpg

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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

#11

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Two Irishman went down for a disability pension, they were pretending to be deaf, in order to get disability money from the government.
The next day they have to go to the hearing centre for their test.
The first Irishman walks into the office, the man sat at his desk said “Hello, come in, shut the door behind you”, he shut the door and went to take a seat.
The man said “Get out, you ain’t deaf, I just asked you to shut the door behind you and you shut it, you can hear perfectly fine, out, get out!”
On his way out he says to the second one in the waiting room “Now whatever you do, don’t shut that door, he’s trying to trick you”.
So the second one walked in, the man said “Shut the door behind you” He said “Shut it your feckin self!”
Last edited by Stephen on 20 Jul 2018, 15:13, edited 1 time in total.

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Stephen
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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

#12

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