Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

Friday morning "Morning All"
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Stephen
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Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

Post by Stephen » 07 Sep 2018, 05:46

It's Friday Fun Time


One afternoon a little girl returned from school, and announced that her friend had told her where babies come from.
Amused, her mother replied, "Really, sweetie, why don"t you tell me all about it?"
The little girl explained, "Well... OK... the Mommy and Daddy take off all of their clothes, and the Daddy"s thingee sort of stands up, and then Mommy puts it in her mouth, and then it sort of explodes, and that"s how you get babies."
Her mom shook her head, leaned over to meet her, eye to eye and said, "Oh, darling, that"s sweet, but that"s not how you get babies. That"s how you get jewellery."

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Stephen
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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

Post by Stephen » 07 Sep 2018, 05:47

I passed my forklift test today. I did very well.
My carer says I should be able to try the spoon tomorrow.

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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

Post by Stephen » 07 Sep 2018, 05:49

A 37 year old woman at the super market says: NEVER, EVER, QUESTION A DRUNK . . . .


I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk
A carton of eggs
A quart of orange juice
A head of lettuce
A 2 lb. Can of coffee
A 1 lb. Package of bacon

As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated -- 'You must be single.'

I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelicts intuition, since I indeed had never found "Mr. Right." I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status.....

Curiosity getting the better of me, I said -- 'Yes you are correct. But how on earth did you know that?'


The drunk replied -- 'Coz you're ugly'.

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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

Post by Onelife » 07 Sep 2018, 20:19

A man walks into a restaurant, he right away notices how dirty the place is.. peanuts shells on the floor, and the menu written on a chalk board. So the man walks up to the counter and looks at the menu.
It reads:
Hamburger: £3.00
Fries: £1.50
Handjob: £5.00
so the man sees a hot blonde behind the counter and calls her over. He asks her "excuse me.. do you work here?"
she replies, "yes, i do"
the man asks, "are you the one giving the hand jobs?"
the hot blonde replies "yes i am"
so the man says "ok, can you please wash your hands, i want a hamburger"

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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

Post by oldbluefox » 07 Sep 2018, 22:31

Good story!!! Heehaw!!!
It's the way she tells it.
Last edited by oldbluefox on 07 Sep 2018, 22:37, edited 2 times in total.

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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

Post by Onelife » 07 Sep 2018, 23:01

oldbluefox wrote:
07 Sep 2018, 22:31
Good story!!! Heehaw!!!
It's the way she tells it.

That was a bit winky wonky but it had me in stitches.... :lol: :lol: :lol:

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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

Post by Stephen » 08 Sep 2018, 11:53

oldbluefox wrote:
07 Sep 2018, 22:31
Good story!!! Heehaw!!!
It's the way she tells it.
:lol: :thumbup:

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barney
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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

Post by barney » 08 Sep 2018, 12:09

That had us both laughing.
My daughter in law filmed me chatting to our grand daughter once.
I hope it never turns up on the internet.
She wouldn't, would she :lol:

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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

Post by Jan Rosser » 08 Sep 2018, 13:04

oldbluefox wrote:
07 Sep 2018, 22:31
Good story!!! Heehaw!!!
It's the way she tells it.
Oh I loved that - I used to read Dr Seuss books to my granddaughter and one in particular Fox in Socks. It was a real tongue twister and we laughed till we cried - lovely memories - nothing beats reading to children :thumbup:
Janis

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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

Post by Onelife » 08 Sep 2018, 16:48

Hello Jan...I had no idea you frequented this thread, if I had known I would have had a word with Stephen about his inappropriate posts :oops:

Keith :wave:
Last edited by Onelife on 08 Sep 2018, 16:48, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

Post by Stephen » 08 Sep 2018, 18:15

Onelife wrote:
08 Sep 2018, 16:48
Hello Jan...I had no idea you frequented this thread, if I had known I would have had a word with Stephen about his inappropriate posts :oops:

Keith :wave:

If you don't like'm or are easily offended (that's half the country) don't read'm. Anyway, Jan knows I tow the line.....just ;) :thumbup:
Last edited by Stephen on 08 Sep 2018, 18:16, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

Post by Jan Rosser » 08 Sep 2018, 18:38

Stephen wrote:
08 Sep 2018, 18:15
Onelife wrote:
08 Sep 2018, 16:48
Hello Jan...I had no idea you frequented this thread, if I had known I would have had a word with Stephen about his inappropriate posts :oops:

Keith :wave:

If you don't like'm or are easily offended (that's half the country) don't read'm. Anyway, Jan knows I tow the line.....just ;) :thumbup:
Course you do Stephen - I don’t contribute jokes but I always read them and I have to admit I am very broad minded :lol:
Janis

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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

Post by Happydays » 09 Sep 2018, 15:50

I also read them every week and when it's a particularly funny or politically incorrect I always show them to my husband and he has a laugh as well :)

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