Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

Friday morning "Morning All"
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Stephen
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Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

Post by Stephen » 15 Feb 2019, 07:47

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It's Friday Fun Time


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Stephen
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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

Post by Stephen » 15 Feb 2019, 07:48

A guy goes to the Local Council to apply for a job, and the interviewer asks him, 'Are you allergic to anything?'

He answers 'Yes - caffeine'

'Have you ever been in the services?'

'Yes,' he says. 'I was in Iraq for two years.'

The interviewer says, 'That will give you 5 extra points toward employment,' and then asks, 'Are you disabled in any way?

The guy says, 'Yes ...a bomb exploded near me and blew my testicles off.'

The interviewer tells the guy, 'O.K. In that case, I can hire you right now. Normal hours are from 8 AM to 2 PM. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 - and plan on starting at 10 AM every day.'

The guy is puzzled and says, 'If the hours are from 8 AM to 2 PM, why don't you want me to be here before 10 AM?' '

'This is a council job,' the interviewer says. 'For the first two hours we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our bo**ocks, so there's not really any point in you coming in for that.'

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Stephen
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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

Post by Stephen » 15 Feb 2019, 13:22

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Stephen
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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

Post by Stephen » 15 Feb 2019, 13:23

Anyone got an owner's manual for a wife? Mine's giving off a terrible whining noise!

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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

Post by Stephen » 15 Feb 2019, 14:04

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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

Post by Stephen » 15 Feb 2019, 14:04

How does a Geordie carpenter make sure his doors are level?

By eye man.

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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

Post by Onelife » 15 Feb 2019, 16:07

A young Chinese couple get married.

She's a virgin, and truth be told he's a virgin too, but she doesn't know that.

On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness.

He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring.

"My darring," he whispers, "I know dis you firss time and you berry frighten."

"I pomise you, I give you anyting you wan, I do anyting - juss anyting you wan, You juss ask. Whatchu wan?' he says, trying to sound experienced and worldly, which he hopes will impress her.

A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request.

She eventually shyly whispers back, "I want to try someting I have heard about from other girls... numbaa 69."

More thoughtful silence, this time from him.

Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her... "You really wanting... Garric Chicken with Corrifrowa?"


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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

Post by screwy » 15 Feb 2019, 17:30

I went to the Doctor. I said “I’m hearing voices from my underpants.” He said “ Ignore them,they’re talking Bollocks.”
Quo Fas et Gloria Ducunt

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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

Post by Stephen » 15 Feb 2019, 17:56

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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

Post by Stephen » 15 Feb 2019, 17:57

Ladies, if your man says he'll do something, he'll do it. There's no need to keep reminding him every six months.

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