Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

Friday morning "Morning All"
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Stephen
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Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

#1

Post by Stephen »

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It's Friday Fun Time


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Stephen
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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

#2

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Three Aussie guys, Shane, Ricky and Jeff, were working on a high-rise building project in Wagga Wagga. Unfortunately, Shane falls off the scaffolding and is killed instantly.

As the ambulance takes the body away, Ricky says, 'Someone should go and tell his wife.'
Jeff says, 'OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it.'

Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Fosters.
Ricky says, 'Where did you get that, Jeff?'
'Shane's wife gave it to me.'

Ricky continues, 'That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you the beer?'

'Well not exactly,' Jeff said. 'When she answered the door, I said to her, "You must be Shane's widow".'
She said, 'No, I'm not a widow.'

And I said, 'I'll bet you a case of Fosters you are.'

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Stephen
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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

#3

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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

#4

Post by Stephen »

Apparently the restoration of Notre Dame could take as long as 150 years to re-store, meaning the only person alive today likely to see it finished is Keith Richards.

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gfwgfw
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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

#5

Post by gfwgfw »

Mornin Stephen

If you don't first succeed . .. . . Do not take up skydiving
Gentle Giant of Cerne Abbas :wave:

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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

#6

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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

#7

Post by Stephen »

Now that the BBC have complied with the Disability at Work act , by hiring a Weathergirl with half an arm missing , I am so looking forward to seeing the first Newsreader with Tourettes.

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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

#8

Post by Onelife »

A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked: "How long before I can get a haircut?".

The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said: "About 2 hours." The guy left.

A few days later the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked: "How long before I can get a haircut?".

The barber looked around at the shop and said: "About 3 hours." The guy left.

A week later the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked: "How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looked around the shop and said: "About an hour only."

The guy left. The barber turned to a friend and said: "Hey, Bill, do me a favour. Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come back".

A little while later, Bill returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.

The barber asked: "So where does that guy go when he leaves?"

Bill looked up, tears in his eyes and said: "To your wife!"

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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

#9

Post by Stephen »

gfwgfw wrote: 03 May 2019, 11:30
Mornin Stephen

If you don't first succeed . .. . . Do not take up skydiving

:thumbup:

Have a good weekend Graham

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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

#10

Post by Stephen »

Onelife wrote: 03 May 2019, 17:31
A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked: "How long before I can get a haircut?".

The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said: "About 2 hours." The guy left.

A few days later the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked: "How long before I can get a haircut?".

The barber looked around at the shop and said: "About 3 hours." The guy left.

A week later the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked: "How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looked around the shop and said: "About an hour only."

The guy left. The barber turned to a friend and said: "Hey, Bill, do me a favour. Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come back".

A little while later, Bill returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.

The barber asked: "So where does that guy go when he leaves?"

Bill looked up, tears in his eyes and said: "To your wife!"

Good one Keith :D

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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

#11

Post by Onelife »

“A girl was a prostitute, but she did not want her grandma to know.
One day the police raided a whole group of prostitutes at a sex party in a hotel and she was among them.
The police took them outside and had all the prostitutes line up along the driveway.
Suddenly the girl’s grandma came by and saw her.
“Why are you standing in line, dear?” she asked.
Not willing to let her grandma know the truth, the girl told her that the policemen were passing out free oranges.
“Why, that is awfully nice of them! I think I’ll get some for myself,” said the grandma.
A policeman went down the line, asking for information from all of the prostitutes.
When he got to Grandma, he exclaimed, “Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it?”
Grandma replied, “Oh, it’s easy, dear. I just take out my dentures and suck them dry!””


Ray Scully
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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

#12

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welshynurse
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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

#13

Post by welshynurse »

😆 I showed this to my oh while he had been on hold for about half an hour...he didn't laugh for some reason....

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