Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

[Stephen]

The National Crime Agency says they have arrested 660 suspected paedophiles in a major operation today.

In other news, no-one turned up for work at the Houses of Parliament this morning.

[oldbluefox]

Mr Cadbury and Miss Rowntree met on a Double Decker. It was After Eight. She was from Quality Street, he was a Fisherman's Friend
On the way they stopped at a Yorkie Bar, he had a Rum and Butter, she had a Wine Gum.
He asked her name, "Polo, I'm the one with the hole" she said
"I'm the one with the nuts" he thought ! Then he touched her Milky Way.

They checked into a hotel and went straight to the bedroom. Mr Cadbury turned out the light for a bit of Black Magic. It wasn't long before he slipped his hand into her Snickers and felt her cream Egg. He fondled her Flap Jacks then he showed her his Curly Wurly and Tic Tacs.

Miss Rowntree wasn't keen to have any Jelly Babies, so she let him take a trip down Bourneville Boulevard via her Party ring. He was pleased as he always fancied a bit of Fudge. It was a magic moment as she let out a scream of Turkish Delight.

When he pulled out his fun sized Mars Bar it felt a bit Crunchy. She wanted more but he needed Time Out, however, he noticed her Pink Wafers looking very appetising.
He did a Twirl, had a Picnic in her Sherbet Dip and finished off by giving her a Gob Stopper!

Unfortunately Mr Cadbury then had to go home to his wife, Caramel.

Sadly 3 days later his Magnum Lolly started to drip. It turned out that Miss Rowntree had been with Berty Basset who had Allsorts !!!

[poole boy]

They're not happy in Gaza ...
They're not happy in Egypt ..
They're not happy in Libya ..
They're not happy in Morocco ..
They're not happy in Iran ...
They're not happy in Iraq ..
They're not happy in Yemen ...
They're not happy in Afghanistan ....
They're not happy in Pakistan ...
They're not happy in Syria ..
They're not happy in Lebanon ..


SO... WHERE ARE THEY HAPPY?


They're happy in Australia ..
They're happy in Canada ..
They're happy in England ..
They're happy in France ...
They're happy in Italy ..
They're happy in Germany ..
They're happy in Sweden ..
They're happy in the USA ...
They're happy in Norway ..
They're happy in Holland ..
They're happy in Denmark ..


Basically, they're happy in every country that is not Muslim and unhappy in every country that is!


AND WHO DO THEY BLAME?


Not Islam.
Not their leadership.
Not themselves.


THEY BLAME THE COUNTRIES THEY ARE HAPPY IN !


AND THEN- They want to change those countries to be like, THE COUNTRY THEY CAME FROM WHERE THEY WERE UNHAPPY!
Excuse me, but I can't help wondering...
How damned dumb can you get?
Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim
Terrorists are so quick to commit suicide.
Lets have a look at the evidence:
- No Christmas
- No television
- No nude women
- No football
- No pork chops
- No hot dogs
- No burgers
- No beer
- No bacon
- Rags for clothes
- Towels for hats
- Constant wailing from some idiot in a tower
- More than one wife
- More than one mother-in-law
- You can't shave
- Your wife can't shave
- You can't wash off the smell of donkeys
- You cook over burning camel dung
- Your wife is picked by someone else for you
- and your wife smells worse than your donkey
- Then they tell them that "when they die, it all gets better"???
Well no sh*t, Sherlock!....
It's not like it could get much worse!

[poole boy]

An elderly couple is attending church. About halfway through, the wife leans over and says to her husband, 'I just let out a silent ****; what do you think I should do?'

He replies, "Get a new hearing aid.

[Not so ancient mariner]

[quote="poole boy"]They're not happy in Gaza ...

SO... WHERE ARE THEY HAPPY?


They're happy in Australia ..
They're happy in Canada ..
They're happy in England ..
They're happy in France ...
They're happy in Italy ..
They're happy in Germany ..
They're happy in Sweden ..
They're happy in the USA ...
They're happy in Norway ..
They're happy in Holland ..
They're happy in Denmark ..


Basically, they're happy in every country that is not Muslim and unhappy in every country that is!


Just a thought........where do Scotland and Wales fit in to all this?

[Stephen]

After years of seeking for him, America has finally offered $100,000,000 for Bin Laden.

Man City have subsequently offered $105,000,000

[qbman1]

THE RAISE

Employee:
Excuse me sir, may I talk to you?

Boss:
Sure, come on in… What can I do for you?

Employee:
Well sir, as you know, I have been an employee of this prestigious
firm for over ten years.

Boss:
Yes.


Employee:
I won't beat around the bush. Sir, I would like a raise.
I currently have four companies after me and so I decided
to talk to you first.

Boss:
A raise? I would love to give you a raise, but this is just not the right time.

Employee:
I understand your position, and I know that the current economic
down turn has had a negative impact on sales,
But you must also take into consideration my hard work, pro-activeness
and loyalty to this company for over a decade.

Boss:
Taking into account these factors, and considering I don't want to
start a brain drain, I'm willing to offer you a ten per cent raise and an
extra five days of vacation time. How does that sound?


Employee:
Great! It's a deal. Thank you, sir!

Boss:
Before you go, just out of curiosity, what companies are after you?

Employee:
Oh, the Electric Company, Gas Company, Water Company and the Mortgage Company!

[qbman1]

When I was young I decided to go to Medical School .

On the entrance exam we were asked to rearrange the letters 'PNEIS' and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect ...

Those who answered spine are doctors today while the rest of us are sending jokes via email.

[Quizzical Bob]

I tried to read a medical book once but the appendix had been taken out

[Stephen]

As soon as Nigeria were knocked out of the World Cup, the Nigerian captain, believed to be Royalty, personally offered to refund all the expenses of the fans who travelled to Brazil.

He said I just needs their Bank details and Pin Numbers to complete the transactions

[Stephen]

Scientists have found that married couples share similar DNA.

Mind you, the study was done in Norfolk.