My Mum

[Meg 50]

I viewed several homes in Croydon for my mum- though she ended up not taking up a place in one.

I have also visited some as part of a choir and some are brill!

If you are hit by a noxious smell on entry - look elsewhere immediately

[haveabeer]

Thanks Meg I am dreading the whole thing as its a big decision we have to take on behalf of our Mum
but we will do it thanks for the advise the place we are going has a good reputation just hope that they have the right care package

[oldbluefox]

haveabeer, have you been put in contact with Carehome Selection? Twelve months ago my uncle had to go into a home as he was suffering from Alzheimers and I was his Power of Attorney. They were excellent in finding an initial care home for him and as the disease has worsened in finding him a nursing home. He is now settled and gets wonderful care. The service is free and I have been very pleased with them. I presume there will be a branch down there.

My apologies if you already know. Hope you get something sorted out.

[haveabeer]

Thank you OBF any help is much appreciated this is a first for me so going in blind really i will google it and find
out if they can help me Again Thanks

Seeing mum tomorrow really looking forwatd to it

[Meg 50]

we sang at a home in Wallington just before Christmas that has levels of care - it means that people just move to a different wing if their condition changes. Everything from sheltered housing to a secure dementia unit.
The entire choir were queuing to put their names down on the off chance we might need it in umpteen years time!


shout if you want the info

[haveabeer]

I have there details and will spaek once i get back from Croydon looks promising

[jay-ell71]

I am very pleased to learn that your Mum is doing better. As you say,you were there to to look out for your Mother, but there must be too many others who do not have that kind of help. All the best to your family. Jay

[haveabeer]

In Croydon at the moment Mum was doing ok but not so today she is very confused and shaking very badly Dr are unsure as to what is causing it putting her back on saline they want to a cat scan but as she is so confused they are not able to do it.
The re housing is not as easy as I thought but still working my way through that one social services are a law unto themselves
Back to somerset in the morning after popping in to see Mum

[Andrea S]

I hope you manage to sort out as much as you can whilst you are with your Mum. It may be a long process deciding the best treatment for her and it is a nightmare getting the right accommodation but hopefully she will soon be more settled. It is a very trying time until everything is sorted. All the best. Andrea.

[haveabeer]

After nearly three weeks in Hospital they finally found out what is wrong with Mum
they found after a blood test that she has dangerously low potassium levels why its taking so long to find this out i am not sure
she is responding to the treatment very slowly but she is at least eating now and more aware of her surroundings.

[Meg 50]

at last a light at the end of the tunnel

[Boris+]

Well done HaB,

Keep your chin up - and as Meg said, there is now light at the end of the tunnel. Hope the situation continues to improve.

All the best -

Em
ps - are you off soon Meg? (Bon voyage).

[oldbluefox]

That's good news HAB. I hope she now makes a good recovery.

[jay-ell71]

So glad that at last the right diagnosis has been reached. I do hope that now your Mum will make good, progress.

It is hard to know why it should take so long to find out Mum's problem. You would think with all the tests available, it would be simple to eliminate all possible causes and find the reason for the illness quicker than three weeks. All the best for all the family. Jay

[haveabeer]

Just an update
Pleased to say that Mum is now much better diagnosed with Vascular Dementia but after a long battle we have managed to find a fantastic Care home who specialize in Dementia care not easy at first but mum is now very happy.
I phoned today and she said sorry i cant spare much time as i am helping to prepare dinner for 15 it brought a tear to my eye to think she is now thinking that she still can contribute to life.
One sad bit of news her sister died and it was her Funeral on Thursday we asked mum if she wanted to go and she said of course so we took her and through the sadness when my aunties fav song was being played my mum stood up and sang the song out loud it was a jim Reeves number mum said that they used to sing it together when they where young.
There was not a dry eye anywhere except mums bless her

[Dancing Queen]

Really good to hear your mum is settled HaB and you have managed to find the right care home, it's a mine field out there so it must be a huge relief to know she is ok and well cared for, lovely that you can update us with such a positive outcome

[haveabeer]

DQ

It wa a long struggle and without a certain young lady at social services it would not have happened i just wonder what happens to those that dont have a family to fight there corner

[Meg 50]

glad you found the light at the end of the tunnel

[The Monocled Mutineer]

As both of us are alone ( no children, siblings, nephews and nieces) and nearer 60 than 50 we had better start thinking and acting on a place and care pathway we would both be happy with should the 'marbles' go and who "if we both go under" or are widowed will act in our interests ('power of attorney'). The logical thing would be a trusted friend say 20 years younger who could benefit from our not inconsiderable estate. However, most of my friends are contemporaries or older still.

Anyone in a similar position but who has implemented a plan?

[Dancing Queen]

The problem Derek is not finding someone to act in your interest but finding someone who cares enough to find the "right place" should you ever be in the unfortunate position of needing full time care.

A friend of ours had to make the decision 18 months ago for her mum to go into a home and was shocked at some of the places she visited, she had a choice because at the moment her mothers savings are contributing to the cost, if they weren't then she would more or less have been told ... this is what is available and you take it or leave it.

Sadly as HaB has pointed out he had to fight to get what he wanted which shouldn't happen, the level of care/homes should be the same for everyone regardless of if you have the means to pay for it or a family member to fight your corner, there are many people out there who have neither and that is pretty scary.

[The Monocled Mutineer]

DQ:

Which means I suppose it is in one's own interests to perhaps pre-inspect for yourself care homes while one still has one's 'marbles' and then give the 1, 2 and 3 choice to your solicitor who would draw up a 'power of attorney' with your named representative(s) and you keep reinspecting your choices every couple of years to see if they are still 'kosher'.

[haveabeer]

With Mum she did not have enough savings to cover the cost she is registered disabled so entitled her to the council paying most of the cost but the contribution we found did not cover the cost there is a a top up payment which has to be paid by relatives in our case some £80 a month.
We to found a vast difference in the standard of care some where disgusting we where very lucky to find a place that was just about to open and mum was the first resident to move in yes it's still not fully up to scratch but its far better than her last place

[david63]

The better way Derek rather than constantly visiting care homes is to read the Care Commission's reports on the homes as they will give you a better picture of what is going on in the home than a "fleeting" visit will do.

A piece of advice that we were given, by a care professional, when looking for a home for my mother-in-law is never make an appointment for a first visit to a care home - just turn up (obviously not at meal times, early, late). The theory being that if they do not have time to show you round and answer your questions then how are they going to treat your "loved one"?

[Dancing Queen]

That seems a very logical thing to do Derek, I also agree with what David says, one problem of course is that very often there is a long waiting list for the "better homes" but "some" plan has got to be better than no plan at all.

[david63]

Not sure that the waiting lists are always as long as people make them out to be, although if you are looking for a place then any wait is too long. Again when looking for a home for my MIL those who said they had a waiting list were coming back to us within a month with a place.

Another point that I would add is that homes that are run by charities, rather than as a business, are, in my opinion, a better option as the care is the driving force and not profit.