If I was Prime Minister...

[Onelife]

Another thing I would do is get out of private finance initiative (PFI) especially where the NHS is concerned

At the very least the Government should renegotiate NHS running/maintenance contracts which are costing the tax payer billions, most of which is now sitting in offshore accounts.

[Mervyn and Trish]

I see the polls are narrowing. If Shiney forms a coalition with Cubie, Onelife and Blod** perhaps he'll get elected.

** Well I see that women from the lesser parts of the UK are all the rage today if you want to form a government. If Sturgeon can do it, I'm sure Blod can.

[qbman1]

Now, there's a plan. I'll vote to have Scotland towed out into the Atlantic and sunk

[Mervyn and Trish]

No, I quite like Scotland. But if you could have that fishy pair Sturgeon and Salmond castaway on a remote island somewhere north of Shetland for the next thirty years that would do for me.

[qbman1]

Can we leave Shetland unsullied until I have been there in August please ?

[Stephen]

Too many syllables for Essex !

Whose syble.

[Stephen]

Vote for me and there's free beer for everyone tomorrow. Can't say fairer than that.

[qbman1]

Too many syllables for Essex !

Whose syble.

It's a whipped cream pud but don't worry about that now

[qbman1]

Vote for me and there's free beer for everyone tomorrow. Can't say fairer than that.

But will it be English beer....and will you be sending those nasty Europeans home ?

[Stephen]

Vote for me and there's free beer for everyone tomorrow. Can't say fairer than that.

But will it be English beer....and will you be sending those nasty Europeans home ?

Is there any other beer worth drinking. And yes, unless they have either the skills we need or can support themselves.

[Meg 50]

Vote for me and there's free beer for everyone tomorrow. Can't say fairer than that.

tomorrow? Tomorrow never comes...


IT’S POLLING DAY AND TIME TO VOTE!!!!!

While walking down the street one day a "Member of Parliament" is tragically hit by a truck and dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

'Welcome to heaven,' says St. Peter.. 'Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you.'

'No problem, just let me in,' says the man.

'Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.'

'Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,' says the MP.

'I'm sorry, but we have our rules.'

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly & nice guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises....

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

'Now it's time to visit heaven.'

So, 24 hours pass with the MP joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

'Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.'

The MP reflects for a minute, then he answers: 'Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.'

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. 'I don't understand,' stammers the MP. 'Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time.. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.

What happened?'

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, 'Yesterday we were campaigning... ...



Today you voted.'

[Stephen]

Sorry Meg. Onelife beat you to that one on the 'General Election' thread page 8

[Meg 50]

such is life - I received it in umpteen emails over the last few days

[Onelife]

such is life - I received it in umpteen emails over the last few days

To be fair Meg, you should have asked me if you could use it, especially when you consider how long it took me to compose it

Regards

Keith

[Silver_Shiney]

Ye gods, hasn't anyone voted me out of [prospective] office yet?

Get a move on, you lot!

[Onelife]

Hi Mr Shinny....l can make it happen but it will cost you......bribing Mob doesn't come cheap theses days

[Silver_Shiney]

Hi Mr Shinny....l can make it happen but it will cost you......bribing Mob doesn't come cheap theses days

Just threaten him with a big wet sloppy kiss if he doesn't

[Stephen]

Won't work. I've heard he likes them. Usually from something big and hairy with four legs

[Mervyn and Trish]

Like half a tarantula?