Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

[Stephen]

It's Friday Fun Time



Paddy and his wife are lying in bed and the neighbours' dog is barking like mad in the garden.

Paddy says "To hell with this!" and storms off.

He comes back upstairs 5 minutes later and his wife asks "What did you do ?"

Paddy replies "I've put the dog in our garden. Let's see how they like it!"

[Ray Scully]

My driving instructor told me to pull over somewhere safe.

Two minutes later he said, "Why haven't you pulled over yet?"

I said, "Because we're still in Manchester."

[Ray Scully]

All this nonsense about BMW drivers not using indicators is totally uncalled for.

Why only today I saw one with all four flashing at once while he was parked on a pavement blocking a wheelchair ramp while he made a phone call and ate his lunch.

[Ray Scully]

I was really enjoying my holiday in France this year, sampling some great culture and wonderful food and drink.
It was okay until I ordered a beer in a roadside bar, had a swig and gagged.
I said to the barman, "What the fffffff is this?"
He replied, "Fosters."
I took it outside and threw it into the road.
I'd just like to say sorry to the bloke on the bike with the yellow shirt I accidentally soaked.

[Ray Scully]

Prince George's second birthday, and the official photo has been released.

Tomorrow the Sun newspaper will show pictures of the Queen pointing at the birthday balloons on the ceiling.

[Mervyn and Trish]

Wife says to husband, "You only ever want sex when you're drunk".

Husband says, "that's not true....... sometimes I want a kebab".

[Ray Scully]

If millions of German families supporting millions of Greek people who do not work is called a bailout,
what do you call one German family supporting one Greek bloke who doesn't work?

The Royal Family.

[Ray Scully]

It's been reported that George VI, on meeting Hitler pre-war, said, "He seems really decent."

To be honest, I thought that when I married my wife but she also turned out to be an evil dictator.

[Stephen]

Looks like we're using the same supplier Ray

[Stephen]

One day a 12-year old boy was walking down the street when a car pulled up beside him and the window was wound down.

"I'll give you a bag of lollies if you get in the car", said the male driver.
"No way, get stuffed", replied the boy.

"How about a bag of lollies and £10?" asked the driver.

"I said no way", replied the irritated youngster.

"What about a bag of lollies and FIFTY QUID, eh"? quizzed the driver, still rolling slowly to keep up with the walking boy.

"No, I'm not getting in the fricken car!" answered the boy

"OK, I know what you want, I'll give you £100 and a bag of lollies", the driver offered.

"NO," screamed the boy.

"What will it take to get you into the car"? asked the driver with a long sigh.

The boy replied,

":Listen Dad, you bought the Skoda, you live with it."

[Ray Scully]

Looks like we're using the same supplier Ray

Stephen, Sometimes I think we are flogging a dead horse. A topic such as is the toast overdone on P&O ships will get more views.

[Stephen]

A lip-reading expert has looked at the silent film footage of the Queen doing a Nazi salute and has determined it has nothing to do with the Nazis.

Apparently the Queen is saying "Have you seen Kyle? He's this tall. Seen Kyle?"

[oldbluefox]

Peter is the vicar of a Protestant parish in Southern Ireland, and Patrick is the priest at the Roman Catholic Church across the road.
One day they are seen together, erecting a sign which says:
"THE END IS NEAR. TURN YOURSELF AROUND NOW BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE."
As a car speeds past them, the driver leans out his window and yells, "Leave people alone, you religious nutters. We don't need your lectures."
Then from around the next curve they hear screeching tires and a big splash. Shaking his head, Father Patrick says
"Dat's da terd one dis mornin'."
"Yaa," Peter agrees, then adds, "Do ya tink maybe da sign should just say
"BRIDGE CLOSED"?

[Stephen]

Just found out the wife is on that Adultery website the Hackers got into.

Jokes on her though, her profile says shes stuck in a hopeless relationship and is not satisfied in the bedroom. Ha ha. Our caravan doesn't even have a bedroom.

[Ray Scully]

Looks like we're using the same supplier Ray

Stephen, Sometimes I think we are flogging a dead horse. A topic such as is the toast overdone on P&O ships will get more views.

Stephen
The TOAST post has been running for less than 3 hours and already has amassed more views than 'Morning Al'l. You are just not appreciated

Ray

[Stephen]

I know Ray.
All the years of hard graft I've put into trying to bring a little joy into their lives, and what thanks do I get. I'll tell you what thanks I get, bu99er all, that's what I get.

What price loyalty, hey. The peasants are revolting

[Mervyn and Trish]

Don't lose heart Stephen. You know if I start (yet another) thread about smoking on balconies it'll beat all the rest within 3 minutes. Some people just enjoy a gripe more than a laugh. It's not that you're not appreciated.

Well, having said that......

[gfwgfw]

All this nonsense about BMW drivers not using indicators is totally uncalled for.

Why only today I saw one with all four flashing at once while he was parked on a pavement blocking a wheelchair ramp while he made a phone call and ate his lunch.

The difference twixt a Hedgehog and a BMW - all the pricks are internal in the BMW - sensibly the Hedgehogs are external

[Stephen]

Your not Graham.

[Stephen]

I propose a toast to Ray

[Onelife]

Cheers.....