Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

[Stephen]

It's Friday Fun Time


How do you make illegal immigrants think twice about coming here?

Divert the Eurostar from Dover to Blackpool.

11825769_525128104319877_3342081124578558184_n.jpg

[oldbluefox]

I am trying to make friends outside of Twitter and Facebook while still applying the same media principles.
It works like this................
Every day I go down the street and tell passers by what I had for breakfast, how I feel, what I have done, where I had dinner the night before, what I will be doing today, and what I think about almost everything.
I give them pictures of my family, my dog and me doing some gardening and spending time in the local library. I also listen to their conversations and tell them I love them.
And it works.

I already have three people following me - two police officers and a psychiatrist.

[Dark Knight]

Anybody want to talk about toast ?

[Silver_Shiney]

It's Friday Fun Time


How do you make illegal immigrants think twice about coming here?

Divert the Eurostar from Dover to Blackpool.

I was thinking just this morning about getting a load of superfluous-to-requirement lorry trailers for the immigrants to board, which could then be driven by volunteers across to an isolated layby in Siberia, when the trailer could be unhitched and the tractor unit driven back...

[Silver_Shiney]

I am trying to make friends outside of Twitter and Facebook while still applying the same media principles.
It works like this................
Every day I go down the street and tell passers by what I had for breakfast, how I feel, what I have done, where I had dinner the night before, what I will be doing today, and what I think about almost everything.
I give them pictures of my family, my dog and me doing some gardening and spending time in the local library. I also listen to their conversations and tell them I love them.
And it works.

I already have three people following me - two police officers and a psychiatrist.

[Ray Scully]

What have a slice of burnt toast and a pregnant girlfriend got in common?

In both cases you wish you'd whipped it out a few seconds earlier.

[Ray Scully]

My bread was in the Toaster too long today and it got Burnt, and I couldn't eat it...

I'm black Toast intolerant.

[Not so ancient mariner]

The other day I was invited out for a night with the 'guys.' I told my wife that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!'

Well, the hours passed and the beer...s went down way too easily. Around 2.45am.., somewhat the worse for wear, I headed for home.


Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly, realizing the wife would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times.

I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with her.

(Even when drunk as a skunk.... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals = 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!)

The next morning my wife asked me what time I got in, I told her 'MIDNIGHT'.

She didn't seem annoyed in the least.

I thought, 'Whew, I got away with that one!'


Later she said "We need to get the cuckoo clock looked at."

When I asked her why, she said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said 'oh sh*t,' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted loudly!"

[Stephen]

Whilst in America, my son and I went shopping in Wal-mart. I asked the cashier if they had any Kinder eggs.

"Oh no, sir, we don't sell them in the States - they are a health hazard!"

"Okay," I replied. "I'll just take these two assault rifles then."

[Stephen]

Lord Sewel has quit as House of Lords deputy speaker over a video allegedly showing him snorting Charlie off a whore's breasts through a rolled up five pound note.

A spokesperson for the House of Lords said, "This disgusting behaviour falls far short of the standards expected of the upper house. He should have used at least a twenty."

[oldbluefox]

Sorry it's in capitals but I have copied and pasted it and I'm not typing it all out!!

“IN CASE YOU DIDN'T ALREADY KNOW THIS LITTLE TIDBIT OF WONDERFUL TRIVIA..............
ON JULY 20, 1969, AS COMMANDER OF THE APOLLO 11 LUNAR MODULE, NEIL ARMSTRONG WAS THE FIRST PERSON TO SET FOOT ON THE MOON. HIS FIRST WORDS AFTER STEPPING ON THE MOON,
"THAT'S ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAN, ONE GIANT LEAP FOR MANKIND," WERE TELEVISED TO EARTH AND HEARD BY MILLIONS. BUT, JUST BEFORE HE RE-ENTERED THE LANDER, HE MADE THE ENIGMATIC REMARK
"GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY."
MANY PEOPLE AT NASA THOUGHT IT WAS A CASUAL REMARK CONCERNING SOME RIVAL SOVIET COSMONAUT. HOWEVER, UPON CHECKING, THERE WAS NO GORSKY IN EITHER THE RUSSIAN OR AMERICAN SPACE PROGRAMS. OVER THE YEARS, MANY PEOPLE QUESTIONED ARMSTRONG AS TO WHAT THE 'GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY' STATEMENT MEANT, BUT ARMSTRONG ALWAYS JUST SMILED.

ON JULY 5, 1995, IN TAMPA BAY, FLORIDA , WHILE ANSWERING QUESTIONS FOLLOWING A SPEECH, A REPORTER BROUGHT UP THE 26-YEAR-OLD QUESTION ABOUT Mr. GORSKY TO ARMSTRONG.

THIS TIME HE FINALLY RESPONDED BECAUSE HIS MR. GORSKY HAD JUST DIED, SO NEIL ARMSTRONG FELT HE COULD NOW ANSWER THE QUESTION.
HERE IS THE ANSWER TO "WHO WAS MR. GORSKY":

IN 1938, WHEN HE WAS A KID IN A SMALL MID-WESTERN TOWN , HE WAS PLAYING BASEBALL WITH A FRIEND IN THE BACKYARD. HIS FRIEND HIT THE BALL, WHICH LANDED IN HIS NEIGHBOR'S YARD BY THEIR BEDROOM WINDOW. HIS NEIGHBOURS WERE MR. AND MRS. GORSKY.
AS HE LEANED DOWN TO PICK UP THE BALL, YOUNG ARMSTRONG HEARD MRS. GORSKY SHOUTING AT MR. GORSKY, "SEX! YOU WANT SEX?! YOU'LL GET SEX WHEN THE KID NEXT DOOR WALKS ON THE MOON!"

NEIL ARMSTRONG'S FAMILY CONFIRMED THAT THIS IS A TRUE STORY.

[Stephen]

I went to the Video Shop the other day. I said, "Can I take out Batman Forever?"

They said, "No, you have to bring it back tomorrow."

[Stephen]

So the Tories want to cut benefits to overweight people or those with alcohol or drug addictions. Or the Scottish, as they're more commonly referred to.

[Stephen]

Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night.

After 3 hours of amazing sex, Paddy says "I wonder how the girls are getting on"

[Mervyn and Trish]

The Irish have joined in the attack on IS.

They sent in 3 ships.......... 2 full of sand and one full of cement.

It was a mortar attack.

[Mervyn and Trish]

A Geordie and a US aid worker, are helping out in Syria.

The American says, "You from round here, buddy?"

The 'Geordie replies, "No, Newcastle"

"What State's that in?" asks the Yank.

"Pretty much the same state as this place!"

[Stephen]

Mick and Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery.

Mick say "Crikey! There's a bloke here who was 152!"

Paddy says "What's his name?"

Mick replies "Miles, from London !"

[Not so ancient mariner]

The "Good luck Mr Gorsky" joke's a good 'un, but sadly only that. It has no basis in fact.

http://www.snopes.com/quotes/mrgorsky.asp

P.S. Before the flight the three Apollo 11 astronauts discussed what they thought Neil Armstrong should say when he stepped on to the moon. Michael Collins, the Command Module Pilot, allegedly suggested that if he had the balls to do it, Neil should shout "Oh my God, what's that?" - then scream and switch off his microphone !!

Thanks for the correction NSAM.I must admit I didn't check it.
Foxy

[gfwgfw]

Anybody want to talk about toast ?

Bleeding Heck

You are getting in the mode of the real much missed DK

What next

Perhaps a monocle

Luboo lots

gfwgfw

[Mervyn and Trish]

Well to be fair has anyone ever seen Batty and the famed MM in the same room.

And the initials - DK. Can that be a coincidence?

Just saying....

[gfwgfw]

Have a fun packed weekend - Stephen, together with your Friday jocular posters

Luboo all

Mr Giant of Cerne Abbas

[gfwgfw]

Dear Mr Kane is alive and well in Watercress Land

[Dark Knight]

Anybody want to talk about toast ?

Bleeding Heck

You are getting in the mode of the real much missed DK

What next

Perhaps a monocle

Luboo lots

gfwgfw

You need to read up a bit more on here Graham, then you would get the reference, perhaps it went over you head?

[oldbluefox]

A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience.
Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?"
God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair colour and brighten her teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance. Arriving in front of God, she demanded,
"I thought you said I had another 43 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"

God replied: "I didn't recognize you."