How do I cope with this?

Unread post by **Mervyn and Trish** » 07 Sep 2015, 19:53

We've had a few sad stories on the forum over the months. I guess many of us know very few fellow forumers in real life. I think I've met three. But it's a tribute to this site and the people who use it that members going through traumatic times can come here and know they are among friends who will support them in spirit even if there is little physical help they can give.

Unread post by **mavismumakrill** » 07 Sep 2015, 22:57

i am so sorry to read your sad news colin. as has been said you can always come on here to 'sound off' whenever you feel the need. remember the happy times you have had together. talk about her to friends and family. think of her and she will be there for you 'in spirit'. if you feel a light touch on your cheek or your hair, like a cotton wool touch or a slight breeze when there is no-one there and no wind, it will just be your wife reminding you that she is still there with you. talk to her, tell her how you feel. but remember that whatever it was that took her is not with her now and she is out of pain, wanting you to think of all the fun you must have had over those 55 years. take care of yourself colin.

mavis x

Unread post by **Onelife** » 07 Sep 2015, 23:18

I think I need to man up a bit Mavis... now you've got me wiping tears from my cheeks

Regards

Keith

Unread post by **Delboy** » 08 Sep 2015, 00:34

Colin have just seen this thread, I send you my condolences.

I think Mavis has summed it up for me but also as others have said take each day at a time, best wishes.

Unread post by **The Tinker** » 08 Sep 2015, 21:33

None of us can take your pain away and you will always feel like half of you is missing. You will go through the stages of grief but take solace in the years you enjoyed together and remember your wife in happier times.

Please try not to be alone at the moment if you have family/friends close by.

Unread post by **Silver_Shiney** » 09 Sep 2015, 13:42

Dear Colin, speaking from observing my mum over the last 11 years since my dad passed away, I can assure you that there will be times in the not-too-distant future when you will laugh and start doing things that give you great enjoyment. You must NOT feel guilty about doing so. Your dear wife would not want that.

With all good wishes

Unread post by **colin parry** » 24 Sep 2015, 14:50

It's now 3weeks since my wife passed away and although the weeks seem to go by quickly, the days are long. I'm trying to go to those places where we only went together but it's very difficult. I've had some very kind and supportive messages from members of this forum for which I am very grateful. On the positive side I am very lucky to have my daughter and grandsons living close by.
Next week would have been our 55th wedding anniversary for which I had made a reservation in Sindhu on J514 - that will be a difficult day.
Once more, thank you for all your most kind and supportive messages.
Colin

Unread post by **Silver_Shiney** » 24 Sep 2015, 15:04

It will get less difficult as time passes, I promise you. We are all here for you, Colin.

Unread post by **GillD46** » 24 Sep 2015, 15:40

I have been caught up in our own distressing circumstances just lately, so have not seen your message until now.

I can only echo the sentiments expressed by others on here. Take each day as it comes, allow yourself to grieve and cry, and one day, you will think of your dear wife with a smile and not tears.

Sending my very best wishes to you and your family.

Unread post by **colin parry** » 24 Sep 2015, 17:21

Gill
Thank you for those kind thoughts especially when you have concerns of your own. Grandchildren are one of the blessings of life and I will certainly. Include Sophie in my prayers. Look forward to the day when you can do what all grandmothers do and spoil her rotten
Colin

Unread post by **emjay45** » 24 Sep 2015, 18:47

I've just caught up with this. I have no idea how anyone copes with a loss like this. I'm so sorry. My own mother was widowed when she was just 64 and I know that I and my siblings, and her grandchildren were a great comfort to her. I hope you manage to get some pleasure from your cruise, though I'm sure we all realise your wedding anniversary will be a time of sadness for you. It would be nice to think somehow your wife will be there in spirit.

Unread post by **colin parry** » 24 Sep 2015, 18:59

Emjay45
I may have misled you but the cruise had to be cancelled 4 weeks ago. M&S Premium club insurance handled the claim with efficiency and sensitivity within 10 days. At present L doubt that I will cruise again although some of the forum members have indicated that they cruised again under similar circumstances.
Colin

Unread post by **emjay45** » 24 Sep 2015, 19:19

No colin it was me. I'm so sorry I just read your post again, I'm afraid my tears blurred my vision. I hope I didn't cause you further distress. I'm so sorry you've had to cancel your cruise. Yes of course your wedding anniversary will be very difficult for you. I'm sure your family will help you get through it.

Unread post by **ITWA Travel Writer** » 25 Sep 2015, 12:03

Hi Colin,

As you see from all the posts above, everyone within this community shares your grief and in their own personal way endeavours to convey their experience to you in order to provide some consolation. This just shows the nature of the very caring people who make up this site.

Now I am known within this community as “the mobile scribbler” and somewhat of an anti-establishment character. However, I do have another side. Normally I would have sent you a personal mail and not made this a visible post, but I am sure that the following may not only bring you some comfort, but may be of some consolation to others within this community.

The loss of a loved one is probably the most daunting journey anyone will ever experience. There are numerous opinions available to help you through this trauma from religious offices, spiritual and new age theories to scientific offerings. However, none can truly give consolation except for your own realisation reached through whatever your beliefs may be. I can only offer you my own personal experience which may give you some comfort or strike a spark of hope.

During my early years, my first wife who was an academic and I built up a large group of friends and associates from numerous universities around the globe, one of whom was a practicing psychotherapist based in California called Dr Michael Newton. After Eleanor’s death in the early eighties, after only sixteen years of marriage, I spent six months travelling in Canada and the US endeavouring to come to terms with why such an accomplished young lady, with a double doctorate, could die so young. At the end of my journey I found myself in Los Angles and decided to contact Michael. Now I knew a little of his research work but had dismissed it as some new age experimentation. However, after meeting him and reading some of his research I was so exhilarated that I agreed to help him with his work by collating some of his research. By the way, I continued to help him for the next eighteen years up until 2002. Now by my nature I am pretty sceptical about many things but his research changed my attitude to both life and death.

Below is a link to a video interview he gave in which he explains it all. It is a VEOH recording and may take a few seconds to load. Please be patient and I hope it gives some support to both you and everyone who views it.

Unread post by **colin parry** » 25 Sep 2015, 20:07

Hi Travel writer
Thank you for your kind thoughts and the effort taken to asuege my grief. It is an interesting view of our mortality, but I cannot honestly say that that I feel any better for having listened to his hypotheses.
Again many thanks for your kind thoughts.
Colin

Unread post by **colin parry** » 03 Mar 2016, 15:36

Dear Friends
It's 6 months ago today since Eileen passed away. I am coping but I fully understand Graham's description of himself as lonely. It doesn't really matter how much friends and family rally round, you cannot replace 55years of companionship with a loving partner. Anyway, I have decided that I need to make plans and to that end I have booked a cruise on Oriana in May and provided I don't chicken out before then will be on X606. I know it will be a very strange feeling being alone after almost 30 cruises as a couple, sit there is anyone out there going on that cruise, I would be delighted to make your acquaintance.
Once again, thank you to those who have been kind enough to see how I was getting on, you know who you are.
Happy cruising
Colin

Unread post by **Silver_Shiney** » 03 Mar 2016, 16:18

Well done you, sir!

Unread post by **GillD46** » 03 Mar 2016, 16:42

I won't be on your cruise, Colin, but I wanted to say well done and have a lovely - if a little different - cruise.

Unread post by **Stephen** » 03 Mar 2016, 16:45

Your never alone on a cruise Colin.

Remember the good times of the past, but life goes on.

Go for it and try and enjoy yourself

Unread post by **Jan Rosser** » 03 Mar 2016, 20:06

Hello Colin - I'm so glad to hear you are going on Oriana - I know you've been hesitant about it but try it and I'm sure you'll be glad you tried - lovely itinerary - go on lots of trips and enjoy. Funnily enough my first solo cruise was on Oriana too and I still keep in touch with a lovely lady I met on her - people are so friendly Colin I'm sure you will be fine. One day at a time my friend xxx

Unread post by **colin parry** » 31 May 2016, 15:08

Well I've finally taken those first steps and completed a cruise on my own. As many of you suggested, it's a very friendly environment onboard and there was never a shortage of fellow passengers for company and a chat. Going ashore however was a different proposition. That I found to be quite lonely and emotional as I found myself going to the favourite places that Eileen and I used to frequent, particularly in Venice. The cruise itself was enjoyable and the weather fantastic. Oriana is still a fine old lady and I'm sure she will continue in the fleet for many years. I was disappointed with the choice and quality of food in the MDR. In my mind, bread and butter pudding on the menu every day does not add up to fine dining. Green beans appeared with every meal!. There is no doubt that the waiters are overworked with the number of tables they now have to service. I do miss the interaction we used to have with them in the past.
When I come back in the next life I think I will be a walking stick maker, I've never seen so many in my life!
Will I do it again? Probably but I will give it serious thought over the next few weeks. Thank you to those who encouraged me to take this step, you were right.
Regards
Colin

Unread post by **david63** » 31 May 2016, 15:24

colin parry wrote:
Will I do it again? Probably but I will give it serious thought over the next few weeks.

Why not next time try a "variation on the theme"? Perhaps a river cruise or an ocean cruise with another cruise line

Unread post by **oldbluefox** » 31 May 2016, 15:34

I would say the first one would be the hardest and takes a lot of courage to venture out. Now that you have broken the ice, as it were, you will have a clearer idea of what to try next.
Nice to see you back again.
Btw I do like P&O bread and butter pudding and was always happy to have it if the 'fine dining' options weren't to my fancy.

Unread post by **daib GC** » 31 May 2016, 15:38

oldbluefox wrote:
I would say the first one would be the hardest and takes a lot of courage to venture out. Now that you have broken the ice, as it were, you will have a clearer idea of what to try next.
Nice to see you back again.
Btw I do like P&O bread and butter pudding and was always happy to have it if the 'fine dining' options weren't to my fancy.

The bread and butter pudding is on every night as it is one of the always available items like the tomato soup and steak.

Unread post by **Jan Rosser** » 31 May 2016, 15:39

I did wonder how you got on Colin and here you are today letting us know - well done you - it's not an easy thing to do especially the first time and I agree with all you say it can still be lonely in a ship full of people but you tried and that's the main thing and obviously enjoyed yourself although I know you missed Eileen. I am going on Oriana myself on the 10 June for just a week but lucky enough this time to be travelling with my son's in-laws - looking forward to a cheeky little break

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