Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

[Stephen]

It's Friday Fun Time


An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her Father cursed her heavily.

'Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mother thru?'

The girl, crying, replied, 'Sniff, sniff....Dad....I became a prostitute...'

'Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this Catholic family.'

'OK, Dad--as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a 10-bedroom mansion, plus a $5 million savings certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex. And for ye, Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited-edition convertible that's parked outside, plus a membership to the country club....(takes a breath)... and an invitation for ye all to spend New Year's Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera.'

'Now what was it ye said ye had become?' says Dad.

Girl, crying again, 'Sniff, sniff....a prostitute Daddy! Sniff, sniff.'

'Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old dad a hug.

[Ian Perth]

So funny, read your posts every morning and they always make me smile.

[Stephen]

An Irish bloke goes to the doctor and says "Dactor, it's me ahrse. I'd loik ya ta teyhk a look, if ya wood".

So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look. "Incredible," he says, "there is a £20 note lodged up here". Tentatively he eases the twenty out of the man's bottom, only to see another £10 note appear. "This is amazing" exclaims the Doctor "What do you want me to do?.

"Well fur gadness sake teyhk it out man" shrieks the patient. The doctor pulls out the tenner and another twenty appears, and another and another and so on...Finally the last note comes out and no more appear. "Ah Dactor, tank ya koindly, dat's moch batter, how moch is dare den? The Doctor counts the pile of cash. "£1990 exactly."

"Ah, dat'd be roit." says Paddy " I knew I wasn't feeling two grand."

[oldbluefox]

For those of my generation who do not and cannot comprehend why Facebook exists: I am trying to make friends outside of Facebook while applying the same principles.
Therefore, every day I walk down the street and tell passers-by what I have eaten, how I feel at the moment, what I have done the night before, what I will do later and with whom.
I give them pictures of my family, my dog, and of me gardening, taking things apart in the garage, watering the lawn, standing in front of landmarks, driving around town, having lunch and doing what anybody and everybody does every day. I also listen to their conversations, give them the “thumbs up” and tell them I like them.
And it works just like Facebook.

I already have 4 people following me: two police officers, a private investigator and a psychiatrist.

[oldbluefox]

Have seen this before but still find it funny

ATT1.jpg

[Stephen]

For those of my generation who do not and cannot comprehend why Facebook exists: I am trying to make friends outside of Facebook while applying the same principles.
Therefore, every day I walk down the street and tell passers-by what I have eaten, how I feel at the moment, what I have done the night before, what I will do later and with whom.
I give them pictures of my family, my dog, and of me gardening, taking things apart in the garage, watering the lawn, standing in front of landmarks, driving around town, having lunch and doing what anybody and everybody does every day. I also listen to their conversations, give them the “thumbs up” and tell them I like them.
And it works just like Facebook.

I already have 4 people following me: two police officers, a private investigator and a psychiatrist.

[Stephen]

Sicknote
 
 
A man rings up his boss to tell him he won’t be in to work.
 
“I’m sorry, I’m sick,” he tells him.
 
“Sick again,” says the boss angrily, “This seems to be happening a lot. How sick are you?”
 
“Pretty sick,” replies the man, “I’m in bed with my sister.”

[Raybosailor]

For those of my generation who do not and cannot comprehend why Facebook exists: I am trying to make friends outside of Facebook while applying the same principles.
Therefore, every day I walk down the street and tell passers-by what I have eaten, how I feel at the moment, what I have done the night before, what I will do later and with whom.
I give them pictures of my family, my dog, and of me gardening, taking things apart in the garage, watering the lawn, standing in front of landmarks, driving around town, having lunch and doing what anybody and everybody does every day. I also listen to their conversations, give them the “thumbs up” and tell them I like them.
And it works just like Facebook.

I already have 4 people following me: two police officers, a private investigator and a psychiatrist.

Good idea Foxy, sounds like a cross between pavement Facebook and back yard Twitter you could call it Fritter.

[gfwgfw]

Darzet Yer

The Giant and Ferrets wish Stephen and his fellow jesters a very enjoyable and joke filled weekend

Lubbooo all

[Stephen]

Thanks Graham but jokes are the last thing on my mind at the moment as i'm recovering overnight in hospital after another round with the plumbers.

[Silver_Shiney]

Sorry to hear that Stephen, best wishes for a speedy recovery

[Happydays]

Thanks Graham but jokes are the last thing on my mind at the moment as i'm recovering overnight in hospital after another round with the plumbers.

Hope you are feel better soon, you must be getting fed up with this problem!

[oldbluefox]

Sorry to hear that Stephen but hope they manage to get you sorted.

[Stephen]

Thanks all. Yes, getting fed up with it now. Hopefully it is sorted now.

[Manoverboard]

.... you surely don't mean that they've gorn n chopped it off ?

[Stephen]

.... you surely don't mean that they've gorn n chopped it off ?

Only the first 2ft

[Mervyn and Trish]

Well the remaining 18 inches should be adequate. Get well soon