Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

Unread post by **Stephen** » 09 Sep 2016, 08:03

It's Friday Fun Time

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I'm posting this because I hear that Keith Vaz MP is paying top money for 22 year old escorts.

Unread post by **Stephen** » 09 Sep 2016, 09:56

I always carry a picture of my wife and children in my wallet.

It reminds me why there's no bl**dy money in there.

Unread post by **oldbluefox** » 09 Sep 2016, 10:10

What do you call a person who is happy on Mondays?

Retired!!!

Unread post by **oldbluefox** » 09 Sep 2016, 10:11

Stephen wrote:

It's Friday Fun Time

14212651_10155350178967316_7002428600940644840_n.jpg

I'm posting this because I hear that Keith Vaz MP is paying top money for 22 year old escorts.

Unread post by **Stephen** » 09 Sep 2016, 10:19

A man owned a small farm in our village The Department Employment had someone call them saying that he was not paying the minimum wage to his employees and sent a representative down to interview him.

"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the official.

"Well," replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him £400 a week plus free room and board. The tractor driver who also tends the livestock has been here for 18 months, and I pay him £450 per week plus free room and board.

Then there's the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about £150 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of scotch every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally."

"That's the guy I want to talk to --- the half-wit," says the official.

"That would be me," replied the farmer.

Unread post by **Ray Scully** » 09 Sep 2016, 11:46

Son ''Dad I've got a part in the school play. I play a man who's been married 25 years''

Dad "Maybe next time you'll get a speaking part''

Unread post by **Stephen** » 09 Sep 2016, 12:22

The doctor gave me 4 months to live, so I shot him.

Judge gave me 20 years. Problem solved.

Unread post by **Stephen** » 09 Sep 2016, 15:44

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Unread post by **Happydays** » 09 Sep 2016, 17:01

What do you call an intelligent, good looking sensitive man?......

A rumour

Why do pensioners count pennies?

They're the only ones who have the time

Unread post by **oldbluefox** » 10 Sep 2016, 19:47

Nicola Sturgeon and her mum or................................. Jimmie Krankie meets Elton John

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Unread post by **Mervyn and Trish** » 11 Sep 2016, 13:09

I hope aliens from space don't land in Scotland and say "take me to your leader".

How embarrassing would that be?

Unread post by **Raybosailor** » 11 Sep 2016, 16:00

Junk mail isn't all bad, I had four junk messages yesterday one from Virgin Atlantic trying to sell me a holiday in St. Lucia, one from a accident claims line and two from Russian girls offering sex.

Plan is to put a claim in for the accident I don't even remember having and when the compo comes through I will book three flights to St. Lucia.

Unread post by **Stephen** » 11 Sep 2016, 16:39

I notice you have left out the Russian girls Ray. I assume Mrs R is nearby

Unread post by **Raybosailor** » 12 Sep 2016, 08:12

Stephen wrote:
I notice you have left out the Russian girls Ray. I assume Mrs R is nearby

No Stephen, three flights one for me and the two Russian girls, I will leave a note out for the milkman and get him to tell the wife I'll be away for a fortnight.

Unread post by **Stephen** » 12 Sep 2016, 10:41

Unread post by **Mervyn and Trish** » 12 Sep 2016, 12:34

I got it Ray, even if Essex Boy was still enjoying his Sunday afternoon doze!

Unread post by **Stephen** » 12 Sep 2016, 12:43

Mervyn and Trish wrote:
I got it Ray, even if Essex Boy was still enjoying his Sunday afternoon doze!

Ok Ok, you can bu99er off now until Friday

. And yes, I did have a Sunday afternoon doze thanks

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