Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

[Stephen]

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[Stephen]

The Liverpool team visited an orphanage in Liverpool today.

“It’s heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope,” said Bradley aged 6.

[oldbluefox]

Went to buy a teaset in Liverpool but they only had 11 mugs and no cups.

[qbman1]

OK, if there's a bandwagon going by....I'm on it !!

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[qbman1]

On a rural road a police patrol pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realise your wife fell out of the car several miles back?"

To which the farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"

[qbman1]

An old Jewish woman from North London was getting her affairs in order. She wrote her will and made her final arrangements. As part of these arrangements she met with her rabbi to talk about what type of funeral service she wanted. She told her rabbi she had two final requests.

First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Harrods.

"Harrods!" the rabbi said. "Why Harrods?"

"That way, I know my daughters will visit me at least twice a week."

[qbman1]

A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner grocery picking out a large size box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over and trying to be friendly asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.

"Nope, no laundry," the boy said, "I'm going to wash my dog." "But, you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him."

But, the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog.

About a week later, the boy was back in the store to buy some sweets. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing.

"Oh, he died," the boy said.

The grocer, trying not to be an "I-told-you-so" said he was sorry the dog died, but added, "I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog."

"Well, the boy replied, "I don't think it was the detergent that killed him."

"Oh? What was it then?"

"I think it was the spin cycle!"

[qbman1]

The woman seated herself in the psychiatrist’s office. "What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked.

"Well, I, uh," she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac."

"I see," he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is £50 an hour."

"That's not bad," she replied. "How much for all night?"

[Stephen]

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[Stephen]

You think you have lived to be 80 and know who you are, then along comes someone and blows it all to heck!

An old Marine Pilot sat down at the Starbucks, still wearing his old USMC flight suit and leather jacket and ordered a cup of coffee.

As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the pilot and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?'

He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying planes, first Stearmans, then the early Grummans... Flew a Wildcat and Corsair in WWII, and later in the Korean conflict, Banshees and Cougars. I've taught more than 260 people to fly and given rides to hundreds, so I guess I am a pilot, and you, what are you?

She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'

The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked: "Are you a real pilot?"

He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'

[Stephen]

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[Stephen]

“I’m getting a divorce,” said Jack to his mate Bill. “The wife hasn’t spoke to me for six months.”

Bill thought about this for a moment and then replied, “Just make sure you know what you’re doing, Jack. Wives like that are hard to find.”

[Ginny-T]

The wife asked me what the female equivalent of a man cave is. I told her it's called the kitchen.