Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

Unread post by **Stephen** » 24 Feb 2017, 08:40

It's Friday Fun Time

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Unread post by **Stephen** » 24 Feb 2017, 08:40

As I looked at my naked body in the mirror...
I thought to myself, "I'm going to get kicked out of Ikea any moment now."

Unread post by **qbman1** » 24 Feb 2017, 09:00

I posted this yesterday at the height of Storm Doris but I think it is worthy of repetition here...

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Unread post by **qbman1** » 24 Feb 2017, 09:01

Someone told me they didn't understand the meaning of cloning

I said "that makes two of us"

Unread post by **oldbluefox** » 24 Feb 2017, 09:53

I recently spent £6,500 on a young registered Black Angus bull. I put him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. I was beginning to think I had paid more for that bull than he was worth.
Anyhow, I had the Vet come to have a look at him. He said the bull was very healthy, but possibly just a little young, so he gave me some pills to feed him once per day.
The bull started to service the cows within two days, all my cows! He even broke through the fence and bred with all of my neighbour's cows! He's like a machine!
I don't know what was in the pills the Vet gave him .. but they kind of taste like peppermint.

Unread post by **qbman1** » 24 Feb 2017, 10:45

A young woman, pursuing a graduate degree in art history, was going to Italy to study the country's greatest works of art.

Since there was no one to look after her grandmother while she was away, she took the old lady with her.

At the Sistine Chapel in the Vatican, she pointed to the painting on the ceiling. 'Grandma, it took Michelangelo a full four years to get that ceiling painted'.

'Oh my', the grandmother says.

'He and I must have the same landlord'.

Unread post by **Stephen** » 24 Feb 2017, 12:44

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Unread post by **Stephen** » 24 Feb 2017, 12:44

A Mexican kid meets Donald Trump and says to him, “I want to be President one day.”

Trump says, “Are you stupid? Are you an idiot? Out of your mind? Are you retarded?”

The kid replies, “You know what, I’ve changed my mind. Those are too many requirements.”

Unread post by **qbman1** » 24 Feb 2017, 12:47

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Unread post by **oldbluefox** » 24 Feb 2017, 13:04

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This is Lexi, she’s an 8 week-old German Shepherd,
I bought Lexi as a surprise for my wife but it turns out she is allergic to dogs so we are now looking to find her a new home.

She is 58 years old, an attractive and caring woman who drives, is a great cook and keeps a clean house.

Unread post by **oldbluefox** » 24 Feb 2017, 13:06

What's your parking like?

Unread post by **Stephen** » 24 Feb 2017, 13:55

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Unread post by **Stephen** » 24 Feb 2017, 13:56

My ex-girlfriend tried to humiliate me by telling all her friends I was terrible in bed.

Imagine her surprise when they all disagreed.

Unread post by **Stephen** » 24 Feb 2017, 17:12

oldbluefox wrote: 24 Feb 2017, 09:53
I recently spent £6,500 on a young registered Black Angus bull. I put him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. I was beginning to think I had paid more for that bull than he was worth.
Anyhow, I had the Vet come to have a look at him. He said the bull was very healthy, but possibly just a little young, so he gave me some pills to feed him once per day.
The bull started to service the cows within two days, all my cows! He even broke through the fence and bred with all of my neighbour's cows! He's like a machine!
I don't know what was in the pills the Vet gave him .. but they kind of taste like peppermint.

Unread post by **Silver_Shiney** » 24 Feb 2017, 19:23

Why park prettily when you can take up four spaces... (taken in my local Tesco 20 minutes ago)

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Unread post by **Mervyn and Trish** » 24 Feb 2017, 19:32

Silver_Shiney wrote: 24 Feb 2017, 19:23
Why park prettily when you can take up four spaces... (taken in my local Tesco 20 minutes ago)

20170224_190113.jpg

There's a word for that but the forum turns it into ****

Unread post by **Silver_Shiney** » 24 Feb 2017, 19:35

Mervyn and Trish wrote: 24 Feb 2017, 19:32

Silver_Shiney wrote: 24 Feb 2017, 19:23
Why park prettily when you can take up four spaces... (taken in my local Tesco 20 minutes ago)

20170224_190113.jpg
There's a word for that but the forum turns it into ****

Just say "senior police officer"...!

Unread post by **oldbluefox** » 25 Feb 2017, 08:46

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Unread post by **oldbluefox** » 25 Feb 2017, 08:46

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Unread post by **oldbluefox** » 25 Feb 2017, 09:41

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Unread post by **qbman1** » 27 Feb 2017, 10:54

oldbluefox wrote: 25 Feb 2017, 08:46
16832280_10154412835027825_7607902492360379057_n.jpg

Snap !

Unread post by **qbman1** » 27 Feb 2017, 14:33

The designer of this poster for "Britain Arise" may want to re-think !!

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Unread post by **qbman1** » 27 Feb 2017, 15:39

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Unread post by **Silver_Shiney** » 27 Feb 2017, 20:28

qbman1 wrote: 27 Feb 2017, 14:33
The designer of this poster for "Britain Arise" may want to re-think !!

C5rI58EXQAAgNzT.jpg

Oh dear!!

Unread post by **qbman1** » 28 Feb 2017, 13:07

Here's another poster malfunction for you....

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