TO PAY OR NOT?

[wolfie]

We were recently invited to a significant wedding anniversary celebration at a very upmarket hotel.

We were invited for dinner at this hotel and were very willing to pay for our stay of 2 nights stay as it was a good distance from our home.

However, we were unaware at the time of accepting the invitation that we were also expected to pay for the celebration meal?!

Am I being unreasonable when I consider an invitation to be just that, or just mean?

We have often hosted dinners for memorable anniversaries/birthdays etc. and never expected our guests to pay for their meal.

[Stephen]

Agree wolfie.

A bit mean on the hosts part I think. As a guest I would expect the host to pick up the bill.

[david63]

I would not expect to pay for the meal if I was invited to such an occasion, the hotel stay - yes, drinks (other than at the meal) and other meals - yes

[Whynd1]

Quite agree, that's a bit mean minded. f you cannot afford to pay for all invited then don't hold the event.
It's like a wedding you wouldn't expect the invited guests to pay for the wedding meal.

Lindsey

[oldbluefox]

We've been caught out like that and were not pleased. If I invite guests to a celebration I don't expect them to pay for their meal. We didn't even get a piece of birthday cake. It looked lovely but was only there for show and for close family consumption!!! This person's mother was equally offended and said if she couldn't afford to pay for her guests she should have downgraded and put on a meal she could afford or not had it at all.
It seems this idea is more widespread than we thought.

[Whynd1]

When it was our silver wedding we couldn't afford a do in an upmarket place so instead held it at home. Our house then was quite large so that was okay. Had it catered from Marks and Spencer's, the local florist did some flower arrangements and the local off licence supplied the drinks and glasses.
It worked brilliantly​ and everyone else said what a lovely time they had had and how relaxing it all was.
In two years time it will be our 40th and I have not given a thought to that one yet.

I think it's a sign of the times it's like wedding be being so large and extended to whole weekends etc.

Lindsey

[Manoverboard]

We didn't have a one off ' Do ' for our 50th Wedding Anniversary, instead we celebrated with our friends n family on a one-to-one ( two-to-two etc ) basis ... our treat and we wouldn't expect it to be any other way.

We have been to celebrations where we had to pay else were treated but it was always clear on the invitation ... along the lines of ' Be our guests ' else pop along if you can, the bar will be open between 19:00 and midnight.

[Kenmo1]

We recently celebrated our Golden Wedding Anniversary (April Fool's Day !) but as we were leaving for a cruise on March 27th we brought our celebrations forward to March 26th which was also OH's birthday plus Mothering Sunday. Luckily I had spotted this fact some months before and managed to get a booking for 10 people who meant a lot to us for a 5 course Sunday lunch at our favourite hotel.
When we first thought about the meal we looked at our wedding photos and we were horrified to realise how many people had passed away. Both sets of parents had died, both of us had lost a brother, one of my closest friends had lost her husband early on in her married life and another close friend's husband is in a nursing home with dementia. We are all aged around the age of 70 so it rather brought home to us how lucky we were to be able to celebrate our 50th.
We sent out our invites saying we would love your company at our Golden Wedding lunch, our treat and we do not want presents just your company is all that we ask. It was a lovely day and my sister and her husband travelled down from Sheffield to spend time with us. That was an extra bonus as they were able to squeeze us in their car with our 2 large suitcases and 2 hand luggage and drop us off at Mayflower to join the Oceana on the 27th March for a 24 night cruise to the Med.

There is no way we would have invited people and expected them to pay - you just limit the number to those who really matter, not to show off.
Maureen

[Meg 50]

we were invited to a 70th at a local restaurant a year or 3 ago.

the invitation stated clearly that she didn't want to miss out any special friends - and in order to do that with a tight budget she would pay for the meal, but did we mind buying our own drinks.

no probs at all

[wolfie]

It wasn't a large gathering either, only 12 of us

[david63]

It wasn't a large gathering either, only 12 of us

But the cost could vary considerably - was it the local "greasy spoon" or a Michelin restaurant?

[Mervyn and Trish]

Definitely would not expect friends to pay for the meal if I invited them or to pay if invited.

[qbman1]

At least if you are expected to pay your share, the host should make that clear at the time of the invitation

[Stephen]

That usually keeps the number down

[qbman1]

....in Maldon anyway !

[Mervyn and Trish]

I didn't know they did dinner parties in Maldon

[qbman1]

They don't even do dinner when the chip shop is closed

[Stephen]

The street bins never need emptying though

[Boris+]

That's a bit naughty - inviting people and expecting them to pay for themselves! Maybe you could charge the 'hosts' for the cost of any outfits, salon visits, travel to the event, and maybe even a new camera to take photos of the event! I can't think of any other things to charge for - maybe jewellery and make-up might be taking it a bit far!

We've got a couple of special dates coming up, so we've decided to host some quiet celebrations in nice venues and then head off on a lovely cruise, just the two of us.

[qbman1]

I'll be delighted to join you - thanks, Em !! Le Manoir au Quat' Saisions would suit nicely !

[Stephen]

Yes, thanks Boris, that's kind of you. Rolex, Savile Row and Aston Martin should just about cover it.

Who's name shall I make the bill out too.

[Mervyn and Trish]

I'm in. Is it a formal night or smart casual?

[qbman1]

If Boris is organising it, I suspect formal but, if it's Stephen, it will be bring a bird and a bottle !

[Meg 50]

If Boris is organising it, I suspect formal but, if it's Stephen, it will be bring a bird and a bottle !

a bird with long legs?




an emu?

[qbman1]

He did ask for a big bird with long legs and a mean cat.....

.....but I may have misinterpreted the last bit !!