Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

[Stephen]

It's Friday Fun Time

20708173_1028735570595067_7567241944631113825_n.jpg

[Stephen]

At a Scottish cocktail reception I was invited to take a small piece of sausage on a stick from a tray

"What's this?" I asked "A canape?"

"Nae problem" replied the waiter, "They're free"

[qbman1]

A man comes home from a night of drinking with the boys.

As he falls through the doorway of his house, his wife snaps at him, “what’s the big idea coming home half drunk?”

The man replies, “I’m sorry, dear, I ran out of money.”

[qbman1]

A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting.

Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance.

The golf pro saw her heading back and said, “You are back early, what’s wrong?”

“I was stung by a bee!” she said.

“Where?” he asked.

“Between the first and second hole.” she replied.

He nodded and said, “Your stance is far too wide.”

[qbman1]

Essex girl Skye died suddenly and her friend Chelsey called 999. The 999 operator told Chelsey that she would send someone out right away.

'Where do you live?' asked the operator.

Chelsey replied, 'At the end of Eucalyptus Boulevard.'

The operator asked, 'Can you spell that for me?'

There was a long pause and finally Chelsey said, 'How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?'

[qbman1]

A pregnant woman gets into a car accident in Dublin and falls into a deep coma.

Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.

The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them."

The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother -- he's an idiot!"

Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"

"Denise," the doctor says.

The new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not a bad name! Guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!"

Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?"

The doctor replies, DeNephew.

[qbman1]

A blonde, worried about the HIV crisis, walks into a chemist and purchases a pack of condoms.

"That will be £1.08, please," says the assistant.

"What's the 8 pence for?" asks the blonde. "It says one pound right here on the packaging."

"Tax," replies the assistant.

"Gee," says the blonde, "I thought you just rolled them on and they stayed put."

[qbman1]

DG2QvzqXYAEhuHw.jpg

[qbman1]

In the bible, it rained for 40 days and 40 nights

They called it "disaster"

In England, we call it "Summer"

[Stephen]

I was the only bloke in a pre screening of 50 Shades Darker, but I could tell it was going to be a good film,
the place was buzzing.

[Stephen]

20476264_1663417007010783_6101098445646257832_n.jpg

[qbman1]

The knights are drawing in...

DG5VeXZWAAAxa5e.jpg

[Stephen]

"You don't have to be a pilot to fly in the RAF" claims the advert,

Imagine my confusion as I was lead away in handcuffs from one of their jets.

[Stephen]

18342438_654663784741610_3417592112922209959_n.jpg