Someone asked an old man: “Even after 70 years, you still call your wife – darling, honey, luv. What’s the secret?"
Old man: “I forgot her name and I’m too scared to ask her."
Me and my girlfriend play the "England World Cup Squad" sex game.
Neither of us know why we're there or what we're doing, there's little passion or communication and we rarely even make it past the first stage.
It's often accompanied by lots of unnecessary noise, horrible dribbling and never a clean sheet.
It's always over far too quickly and when it does end we know it'll be at least another 4 years before it happens again.
My wife recently sent a letter to Channel 4 asking to appear on, 'How To Look Good Naked'.
They wrote back saying she wasn't a suitable candidate, but had she considered, 'Scrapheap Challenge'.
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