It's Friday Fun Time
Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 17755
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 17755
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Two scots Archie & Jimmy, are discussing Jimmy's wedding.
"Och, it's all goin' brilliant," says Jimmy. "A've got everythin'
sorted, the fluers, church, cuars, reception, rings, meenister, even ma stag night".
Archie nods approvingly.
"I've even bought a kilt to be married in!" continues Jimmy.
"A kilt?" exclaims Archie, "You'll look smairt. Whit's the tartan?"
"Och," says Jimmy, "she'll be in white!"
"Och, it's all goin' brilliant," says Jimmy. "A've got everythin'
sorted, the fluers, church, cuars, reception, rings, meenister, even ma stag night".
Archie nods approvingly.
"I've even bought a kilt to be married in!" continues Jimmy.
"A kilt?" exclaims Archie, "You'll look smairt. Whit's the tartan?"
"Och," says Jimmy, "she'll be in white!"
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Mervyn and Trish
- Commodore
- Posts: 17017
- Joined: February 2013
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Donald Trump goes on a fact-finding visit to Israel. While he is on a tour of Jerusalem, he suffers a heart attack and dies.
The undertaker tells the American diplomats accompanying him, 'You can have him shipped home for $50,000, or you can bury him here, in the Holy Land for just $100.'
The American diplomats go into a corner to discuss for a few minutes. They return with their answer to the undertaker and tell him they want Donald Trump shipped home.
The undertaker is puzzled and asks, 'Why would you spend $50,000 to ship him home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $100?'
The American diplomats reply, 'Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead.
We just can't take the risk.
The undertaker tells the American diplomats accompanying him, 'You can have him shipped home for $50,000, or you can bury him here, in the Holy Land for just $100.'
The American diplomats go into a corner to discuss for a few minutes. They return with their answer to the undertaker and tell him they want Donald Trump shipped home.
The undertaker is puzzled and asks, 'Why would you spend $50,000 to ship him home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $100?'
The American diplomats reply, 'Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead.
We just can't take the risk.
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towny44
- Deputy Captain
- Posts: 9668
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Huddersfield
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
You beat me to it Merv, I was just about to post the same one!!
John
Trainee Pensioner since 2000
Trainee Pensioner since 2000
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Ray B
- Senior First Officer
- Posts: 3545
- Joined: January 2013
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 17755
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 17755
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 17755
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
I dropped my new girlfriend off after our first date.
She said she hoped I didn't expect sex or a bl*w job off her so soon after meeting .
She said she liked to make a guy wait at least six months before doing stuff like that .
I said "I totally understood and respected her decision on that kind of thing, and would give her a ring in 6 months time".
She said she hoped I didn't expect sex or a bl*w job off her so soon after meeting .
She said she liked to make a guy wait at least six months before doing stuff like that .
I said "I totally understood and respected her decision on that kind of thing, and would give her a ring in 6 months time".
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Mervyn and Trish
- Commodore
- Posts: 17017
- Joined: February 2013
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Great minds!
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 17755
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 17755
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Paddys" wife was ready to give birth so he rushes her to hospital.On arrival the nurse asks "How dilated is she?"
To which paddy relies,"Oh Jaysus we"re both over the feckin moon
To which paddy relies,"Oh Jaysus we"re both over the feckin moon
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gfwgfw
- First Officer
- Posts: 1854
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Poole Bay, Dorset
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Hedgehog crossed the road to see his flatmate 
Lubooo all
Lubooo all
Gentle Giant of Cerne Abbas
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Mervyn and Trish
- Commodore
- Posts: 17017
- Joined: February 2013
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, Canadian scientists found
traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that
their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.
Not to be outdone by their neighbours, in the weeks that followed, an American Archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story was published in the New York Times: "American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their Ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the Canadians".
One week later, the British authorities reported the following:
"After digging as deep as 30 feet in North Yorkshire, Jack Arkwright, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing at all.
Jack has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Britain had already gone wireless."
Just makes you bloody proud to be British, don't it!
traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that
their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.
Not to be outdone by their neighbours, in the weeks that followed, an American Archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story was published in the New York Times: "American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their Ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the Canadians".
One week later, the British authorities reported the following:
"After digging as deep as 30 feet in North Yorkshire, Jack Arkwright, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing at all.
Jack has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Britain had already gone wireless."
Just makes you bloody proud to be British, don't it!
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towny44
- Deputy Captain
- Posts: 9668
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Huddersfield
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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John
Trainee Pensioner since 2000
Trainee Pensioner since 2000