Morin All ~~~ :) ~~~

Unread post by **Stephen** » 29 Mar 2019, 08:12

It's Friday Fun Time

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Unread post by **Stephen** » 29 Mar 2019, 08:14

Paddy was jailed for six months for punching a Garda. His best mate Murphy decided to make his life a bit more bearable, and on visiting day he tried to smuggle in a stolen phone up his rectum.
Unfortunately he got caught by the prison officers, he was trailing the cable behind him and they could hear the coins jingling.

Unread post by **Mervyn and Trish** » 29 Mar 2019, 08:50

A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together.

They get back to his place,and he shows her around his apartment.

She notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.

There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears carefully placed in rows, covering the entire wall!

It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display.

There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf.

She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large collection of Teddy Bears..

She is quite impressed by his sensitive side but doesn't mention this to him.

They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after a while, she finds herself thinking, 'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one!

Maybe he could be the future father of my children?'

She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips. He responds warmly. They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in
his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each other's clothes and make hot, steamy, passionate love.

She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, more heat than she
has ever known.

After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow.

The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, 'Well, how was it?'

The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes,and says:

'Help yourself to any prize on the middle shelf.'

Unread post by **Stephen** » 29 Mar 2019, 09:44

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Unread post by **Stephen** » 29 Mar 2019, 09:44

With all these stabbings over turf wars, I'm taking no chances.

The lawn is going. Patio it is.

Unread post by **Stephen** » 29 Mar 2019, 12:47

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Unread post by **Stephen** » 29 Mar 2019, 12:48

I've just pulled a right fit bird on Match.com and she's agreed to meet up as I fit all of her requirements.

"Looking for a man who doesn't mind making tea's, can use an iron and likes clubs"

She's going to love me, I practically live on the Golf course!

Unread post by **Stephen** » 29 Mar 2019, 16:01

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Unread post by **Stephen** » 29 Mar 2019, 16:03

A mortuary attendant was showing a new recruit around.
He was lifting the sheets from various bodies and pointing out the causes of death.
He came to the last one and raised the sheet from the bodies face.
"What happened to him?" asked the trainee. "Ah, that's Paddy from Dublin." said the older man.
"How did he die?" enquired the young man.
"Ah. Well, y'see, he was struck by lightning. Didn't stand a chance!"
"But why is he smiling?" asked the trainee.
The attendant just looked at the body, and said "He thought he was having his photo taken!"

Unread post by **gfwgfw** » 29 Mar 2019, 17:14

Welcome back Stephen

Unread post by **Stephen** » 29 Mar 2019, 18:04

Thanks Graham

Unread post by **Mervyn and Trish** » 30 Mar 2019, 21:28

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Unread post by **Mervyn and Trish** » 31 Mar 2019, 16:40

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Unread post by **oldbluefox** » 31 Mar 2019, 19:00

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English". In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f".. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away. By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

Unread post by **david63** » 31 Mar 2019, 19:04

oldbluefox wrote: 31 Mar 2019, 19:00
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English". In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f".. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away. By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

Unread post by **oldbluefox** » 31 Mar 2019, 19:42

Mervyn and Trish wrote: 29 Mar 2019, 08:50
A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together.

They get back to his place,and he shows her around his apartment.

She notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.

There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears carefully placed in rows, covering the entire wall!

It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display.

There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf.

She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large collection of Teddy Bears..

She is quite impressed by his sensitive side but doesn't mention this to him.

They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after a while, she finds herself thinking, 'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one!

Maybe he could be the future father of my children?'

She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips. He responds warmly. They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in
his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each other's clothes and make hot, steamy, passionate love.

She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, more heat than she
has ever known.

After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow.

The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, 'Well, how was it?'

The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes,and says:

'Help yourself to any prize on the middle shelf.'

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