Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

[Stephen]

It's Friday Fun Time

Untitled1jpg.jpg

[Stephen]

Paddy goes into pub toilet and stands next to a black guy. Glances over and sees this massive 12" c*ck.
"Jaisus, I'd like to have one like that".
"It's easy man, just tie a bit of string to it attached to a brick. In a week or two, you'll see the difference."

A couple of weeks later, he sees Paddy in the street and asks him how the treatment is going.

Paddy is grimacing in pain with tears running down his cheeks and replies,
"It's tough but it's working well. It's already turned black".

[Stephen]

58578418_10157202263822453_7935063576711004160_n.jpg

[Stephen]

I was wondering how my parents’ generation entertained themselves before the internet.
I asked my 16 brothers and 11 sisters but they didn’t know either.

[Stephen]

56614122_10158402380409746_4729931256974802944_n.jpg

[Stephen]

I was just about to get on top of this prostitute when I said to her,
"You'll have to excuse me, I haven't done this for a long time. "
"Oh, " she said, widowed? "
"Just the opposite, " I replied, "married. "

[oldbluefox]

While stitching a cut on the hand of a 75 year old farmer, whose hand was caught in the squeeze gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man.
Eventually the topic got around to politicians and their role as our leaders.
The old farmer said, " Well, as I see it, most politicians are 'Post Tortoises'.''
Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post tortoise' was.
The old farmer said, " When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a tortoise balanced on top, that's a post tortoise."
The old farmer saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to explain.
"You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, he's elevated beyond his ability to function, and you just wonder what kind of dumb @rse put him up there to begin with."

Best explanation of a politician I've ever heard.

[Mervyn and Trish]

Not actually a joke. This is real but it had us in stitches. You need to hear the accents in your head for full effect.

Overheard on Queen Victoria. Two guests, one Japanese, one British home counties.

Jap: Where you from?
UK: Surrey.
Jap: Sorry?
UK: Surrey.
Jap : Sorry? Ah. Surrey. Sorry.

[Ray Scully]

60269014_2394732723917959_7356316029200367616_n.jpg