How to defend yourself against a man armed with a

[Ray B]

We had John Cleese teach us how to defend ourselves against a man armed with a banana, now after a pupil on Canvey Island was hurt at school, we now have to defend ourselves against a man armed with an triangular flapjack.

Ray

[paultheeagle]

Triangular flapjacks are extemely dangerous weapons when thrown during a food fight..It's no wonder the school has banned them.....It is much easier to deal with the rogue flapjack than it is o stop children throwing food at each other whilst in school

[Boris+]

Well I couldn't help laughing when I saw this on tv! How daft can you get - they suggested only having square or rectangular flapjacks!!!!! All people would have to do (if these items really are dangerous) is nibble them into shape! I wonder if they would be therefore accused of nibling with intent?

Em

[Boris+]

Sorry to double post - if not a charge of 'nibbling with intent' could the misdemeanour be 'taking and chewing away'. Huge apologies - but I find it very amusing.

I gather that some poor boy had to have the afternoon off school to rest and recover! Whatever next?

Em

[oldbluefox]

It would be amusing if it wasn't so pathetic. I love your 'nibbling with intent' analogy though.

[JenniC]

Best laugh I have had all day - thanks Em

[jay-ell71]

Surely the flapjack must be round with no sharp corners? Square ones have pointy corners don't they. What a lot of nonsense Jay

[Boris+]

Well, as far as shape is concerned - at the Olympics there is always a discus thowing competition (boring version of a frizbee) - this raises the question of whether flapjacks should be round (because they may 'fly' further) or a different shape.

I wonder whether there will now be 'shape police' and whether an 'ideal' shape for a flapjack will become law?

The only other crime I can think of (changing a square flapjack to a triangular one) is Nibbling with malice aforethought.

I've never had a flapjack - squishy dribbly cakes are MUCH more fun. Ok, maybe they are not all that good healthwise, but it is such fun to watch other people get in a mess or the antics involved in trying to avoid getting in a mess with a really squishy dribbly cakes.

On a poor weather sea day we sometimes find it good fun to watch foreign passengers cope with afternoon tea - it's the what to eat when, and the what order to put toppings on scones which provide the most fun (flapjacks not being available!).

Em

[qbman1]

Bring back the Phantom Flan Flinger. That will sort them out !!

[Dark Knight]

perhaps telling the little gits to behave and to give them a slap when they misbehave, is too much for our overworked underpayed, overholidayed teachers
perhaps telling the parents that their beloved sprog is a nasty littls prat, who deserves a right slappin is not the way to go either
i suggest they issue body armour to everyone in the uk, to defend us from a bunch of ill mannered, teens who don't give a flying .... about doing as they are told
or we can just let the dogs loose on them and their parents and fine them till they squeak, for bringing up such odious little tykes
and flapjacks are square

[oldbluefox]

Cover them in chocolate. You could make them any shape you like and nobody would be throwing theirs.

[Dark Knight]

better still make the little gits behave and do as they are told

or is that far far too difficult for teachers to grasp?

[oldbluefox]

Bl**dy hell DK. You only have to raise your voice at the little dears nowadays and you get descended upon by irate parents, psychologists, social workers, solicitors and their ilk. They will happily tell you "You can't touch me" and they're right, you can't. Unfortunately it's a case of reap what you sow.

[oldbluefox]

In a similar vein why is everybody going to have to pay extra for their alcohol through unit pricing because of the irresponsible few who can't handle it?

[Dark Knight]

its pathetic , this country is frightened of its own shadow, make the littls sods clean it up and fine the parents the cost of doing it and warn all of them , that if it happens again, they are all expelled
why was a food fight allowed to happen? where were the teachers and staff

a sad reflection on the state of our teachers and the nany state

[Silver_Shiney]

As usual, DK is spot on.

Bring back the birch

[oldbluefox]

In Germany parents are responsible for their child's behaviour and any damage they might cause, in and out of school. That's where the responsibility lies. It's all too easy to blame the government, teachers, society, next door's cat. Children are parents' responsibility and nobody else's and that is where our society is going wrong. Make them responsible and give them the wherewithal.

[HK phooey]

For God's sake Foxy, don't advocate basing ourselves on the German model!

[Dark Knight]

Totally agree, however the current laws and nanny state have taken that responsibility away from weak willed useless parents , who in some cases are kids themselves, and allows then to say, "well, what can I do, they are at school, it is the teachers job" etc etc etc
if you have kids then bring em up properly and give teachers the power to make kids behave properly when in school
what kind of adults will this generation of kids make?

[oldbluefox]

HK, you vill do as you are told. Ve zill not tolerate it.

Actually whatever the Germans are doing, they're not doing so badly at it are they? But then, they're not so soft as we are. I agree DK, we've got to toughen up with these people and stop being so soft.

[HK phooey]

Foxy, they're doing great, they run Europe now after all.

[Dark Knight]

bet they don't put up with triangular flapjacks

[Ray B]

Fighting with food is not to be trifled with. I refer to the case of a Bakers van driver Two Ton Ted from Teddington. During a fight with a milkman called Ernie, as Ted went for his bun, a strawberry flavoured youghert sent it spinning from his hand. Ted then threw a rock cake which caught Ernie under the heart and then the concrete hardened crust of a stale pork pie hit Ernie in the eye and Ernie hit the dust.
Ernie was only 52 he didn't want to die, but that is what can happen if you throw food about.

Ray

[Dark Knight]

that was a fight over a womanwho was haughty proud and chic, not brats behaving badly

[HK phooey]

A shocking tale Ray and one that the Germans would do well to heed