Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

Unread post by **Stephen** » 07 Feb 2020, 08:30

It's Friday Fun Time

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Unread post by **Stephen** » 07 Feb 2020, 08:30

An Egyptian fella just pulled up in a van & beeped his horn and bared his naked ar*e out of the window.
Blo*dy toot and car moon.

Unread post by **Stephen** » 07 Feb 2020, 08:32

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Unread post by **Stephen** » 07 Feb 2020, 08:33

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Unread post by **Stephen** » 07 Feb 2020, 10:14

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Unread post by **Stephen** » 07 Feb 2020, 10:17

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend to Husband and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend.

In addition, Husband uninstalled many other valuable programmes, such as Romance and Personal Attention and then installed undesirable programs such as Rugby , Football, Sailing and Continuous TV. Conversation no longer runs, and Housecleaning simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed, Desperate

...................................................................................................

Dear Desperate,

First keep in mind, Boyfriend is an Entertainment Package, while Husband is an Operating System. Please enter the command: 'http: I Thought You Loved Me.html' and try to download Tears.
Don't forget to install the Guilt update. If that application works as designed, Husband should then automatically run the applications Jewellery and Flowers, but remember… over-use of the above application can cause Husband to default to Grumpy Silence, Garden Shed or Beer. Beer is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources). Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband.

In summary, Husband is a great system, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. It also tends to work better running one task at a time. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Food and Hot Lingerie.

Good Luck,
Tech Support

Unread post by **Onelife** » 07 Feb 2020, 11:06

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently
taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm.
The wife turns over and says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a
gynaecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay
fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to
sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his
wife again. This time he whispers in her ear: "Do you have
a dentist appointment tomorrow too

Unread post by **Onelife** » 07 Feb 2020, 11:08

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question.
As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps
into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into
her breast. They are both startled and he says, "Ma'am, if your
heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She
replies, "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221."

Unread post by **Stephen** » 07 Feb 2020, 14:45

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Unread post by **Stephen** » 07 Feb 2020, 14:46

Back in the 80's Phillip Schofield abused me in the broom cupboard.

#Gordonthegopher

Unread post by **Onelife** » 07 Feb 2020, 15:03

Stephen wrote: 07 Feb 2020, 14:46
Back in the 80's Phillip Schofield abused me in the broom cupboard.

#Gordonthegopher

I feel sorry for you and Gordon Stephen......He only used a dustpan and brush on me

Unread post by **Stephen** » 07 Feb 2020, 15:07

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Unread post by **Stephen** » 07 Feb 2020, 16:45

BREAKING NEWS
Prime minister Boris Johnson appoints former speaker John Bercow as ambassador to the city of Wuhan in China. More soon

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Unread post by **Mervyn and Trish** » 07 Feb 2020, 16:58

Stephen wrote: 07 Feb 2020, 14:46
Back in the 80's Phillip Schofield abused me in the broom cupboard

He's come out as gay. Not desperate

Unread post by **Onelife** » 07 Feb 2020, 17:13

Mervyn and Trish wrote: 07 Feb 2020, 16:58

Stephen wrote: 07 Feb 2020, 14:46
Back in the 80's Phillip Schofield abused me in the broom cupboard
He's come out as gay. Not desperate

Unread post by **Stephen** » 07 Feb 2020, 17:54

Mervyn and Trish wrote: 07 Feb 2020, 16:58

Stephen wrote: 07 Feb 2020, 14:46
Back in the 80's Phillip Schofield abused me in the broom cupboard
He's come out as gay. Not desperate

Thank gawed for that.
Rumour has it he prefers midland men anyway

Unread post by **Mervyn and Trish** » 07 Feb 2020, 17:56

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Unread post by **Ray Scully** » 08 Feb 2020, 10:36

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Unread post by **Mervyn and Trish** » 08 Feb 2020, 16:48

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Unread post by **david63** » 08 Feb 2020, 18:48

Merv - that is one of the best I have seen in a long time

Unread post by **Mervyn and Trish** » 08 Feb 2020, 19:33

david63 wrote: 08 Feb 2020, 18:48
Merv - that is one of the best I have seen in a long time

Can't claim much credit. Just spotted it on Facecloth

Unread post by **Mervyn and Trish** » 08 Feb 2020, 20:00

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Unread post by **Ray Scully** » 11 Feb 2020, 16:17

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Unread post by **Mervyn and Trish** » 11 Feb 2020, 17:04

Is this your garden?

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