Mornin Al ~~~ :) ~~~

Unread post by **Stephen** » 27 Mar 2020, 08:45

It's Friday Fun Time

Just off to Tesco's

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Unread post by **Stephen** » 27 Mar 2020, 08:45

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Unread post by **Stephen** » 27 Mar 2020, 08:46

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Unread post by **Stephen** » 27 Mar 2020, 08:47

Prince William: "Hi Harry. Dad has COVID-19."

Prince Harry: "Yours might have."

Unread post by **towny44** » 27 Mar 2020, 09:24

The following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona chemistry mid-term, and an actual answer turned in by a student. The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Anabella during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct..... ....leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Anabella kept shouting 'Oh my God.'

Unread post by **Stephen** » 27 Mar 2020, 09:27

Who is Al?

Unread post by **Stephen** » 27 Mar 2020, 10:01

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Unread post by **Stephen** » 27 Mar 2020, 10:01

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Unread post by **Mervyn and Trish** » 27 Mar 2020, 11:58

A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and
pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very,
very, closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?"

Unread post by **Mervyn and Trish** » 27 Mar 2020, 11:59

One of our neighbours was taken to hospital in the night with suspected Covid-19. He was put on one of the new Dyson ventilators and is now picking up nicely.

Unread post by **Stephen** » 27 Mar 2020, 13:54

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Unread post by **Ray Scully** » 27 Mar 2020, 13:55

Mervyn and Trish wrote: 27 Mar 2020, 11:59
One of our neighbours was taken to hospital in the night with suspected Covid-19. He was put on one of the new Dyson ventilators and is now picking up nicely.

Unread post by **Ray Scully** » 27 Mar 2020, 13:59

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Will this pass the censor?

Unread post by **Stephen** » 27 Mar 2020, 14:00

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Unread post by **Ray B** » 27 Mar 2020, 16:10

"I used to think I was marvellous in bed until I discovered that all my girl friends suffered from asthma."

Unread post by **Stephen** » 27 Mar 2020, 16:21

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Unread post by **Stephen** » 27 Mar 2020, 16:23

A husband frantically calls hotel management from his hotel room

"Please come fast I'm having an argument with my wife and she says she will jump out the window of your hotel"

The manager responded, "Sir that's a personal matter

Husband: "The window won't open! That's a maintenance matter!"

Unread post by **Mervyn and Trish** » 27 Mar 2020, 19:33

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Unread post by **Mervyn and Trish** » 27 Mar 2020, 21:44

Very sad to report that 1 day into self-isolation and it's upsetting to see my wife standing at the window gazing aimlessly into space, tears running down her cheeks.

It breaks my heart to see her like this.

I have even considered letting her in.

But rules are rules

Unread post by **Mervyn and Trish** » 29 Mar 2020, 11:27

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Unread post by **Ray Scully** » 29 Mar 2020, 11:50

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Unread post by **Ray Scully** » 29 Mar 2020, 17:20

Unread post by **towny44** » 29 Mar 2020, 23:22

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Unread post by **Onelife** » 30 Mar 2020, 20:36

Mervyn and Trish wrote: 27 Mar 2020, 21:44
Very sad to report that 1 day into self-isolation and it's upsetting to see my wife standing at the window gazing aimlessly into space, tears running down her cheeks.

It breaks my heart to see her like this.

I have even considered letting her in.

But rules are rules

love it

Unread post by **Onelife** » 30 Mar 2020, 20:38

Ray Scully wrote: 27 Mar 2020, 13:55

Mervyn and Trish wrote: 27 Mar 2020, 11:59
One of our neighbours was taken to hospital in the night with suspected Covid-19. He was put on one of the new Dyson ventilators and is now picking up nicely.

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