Don't tell the wife...

[Onelife]

We have two lawned areas to the entrance to our property and a week or so back I noticed a few weeds appearing. Well to cut a long story shorter I have a spray bottle (which I had made up last year) of lawn weed killer…I also had a spray bottle of Gallup weed killer which I also made-up last year (both labelled as such) Guess which one I’ve used on the lawn?

This is where things get a bit tricky…would one of you be so kind as to start a thread about how a virus is causing lawns to go brown especially in rural parts of Shropshire?

Thanks, my life depends on it.

[Stephen]

You best get down to the garden centre for some turf, or B&Q for some green paint

[Onelife]

You best get down to the garden centre for some turf, or B&Q for some green paint

I think a spare room is going to be more helpful in this situation

[david63]

I think a spare room is going to be more helpful in this situation

Give her one of your boxes of chocolates - that should settle the matter, one way or the other

[Mervyn and Trish]

I think a spare room is going to be more helpful in this situation

Give her one of your boxes of chocolates - that should settle the matter, one way or the other

Yeah. And show her the pet unicorn while you're at it!

[Ray B]

Onelife, things will go from bad to worse when she finds no such virus. Best to go for the obvious. Blame the cat next door.

[Onelife]

Onelife, things will go from bad to worse when she finds no such virus. Best to go for the obvious. Blame the cat next door.

Thanks Ray…as far as I know the cat next door hasn’t got a bladder the size of two watering cans

[towny44]

Onelife, things will go from bad to worse when she finds no such virus. Best to go for the obvious. Blame the cat next door.

Thanks Ray…as far as I know the cat next door hasn’t got a bladder the size of two watering cans

You could tell her it was holding a T S Eliot Old Possum get together.

[Chalgrave4]

Confuse her, Tell her the truth, She won't believe you but you may get the upper hand

[Mervyn and Trish]

Confuse her, Tell her the truth, She won't believe you but you may get the upper hand

Well it'll be a first.

[Onelife]

Confuse her, Tell her the truth, She won't believe you but you may get the upper hand

Thanks Chalgrave.... l would only consider telling the truth if you were my neighbour and trained in resuscitation.....l'm favouring towny's clowder of possums at the moment...heeeere pussy! pussy!

[Onelife]

Confuse her, Tell her the truth, She won't believe you but you may get the upper hand

Well it'll be a first.

When did you meet my wife?

[Mervyn and Trish]

Confuse her, Tell her the truth, She won't believe you but you may get the upper hand

Well it'll be a first.

When did you meet my wife?

She and I agreed we wouldn't mention it. Well she told me I agreed and that I won't mention it.

[Onelife]

And there was me thinking you were joking about meeting my wife.....she won't be pleased knowing you haven't done what you were told

[Quizzical Bob]

The grass will grow back but I don’t know about the little bit of you that she cuts off.

The wall in our front garden that separates us from our neighbour’s back garden blew down in Storm Bella. Our neighbour chose a local self-described builder to rebuild it and it looks awful. So bad that I couldn’t bear to look at it so I have put back the trellis that I had built on top of it but this time self-supporting on fence poles.

That helped a lot but I could still see the wall so I got some diamond lattice panels and mounted them between the poles and in front of the wall. Now comes the point of my saga. I painted them all with Ronseal Autumn Brown shed and fence preserver. Not wanting to do this on our expensive block paving I set up a couple of trestles in the back garden with a sheet underneath to catch the drips.

I now have a bit patch of brown grass with the outline of a pair of trestles stencilled on it. Not so much brown as Autumn Brown.

[Stephen]

Gardeners you ain’t

[Manoverboard]

Maybe you could tell her it was something that was in this mornings snow fall ?

[kaymar]

What has it got to do with her anyway? Who cuts, feeds. waters the grass, removes the occasional weed, applies the moss-killer etc. etc.? Do you complain when things go wrong in the kitchen?

[david63]

Who cuts, feeds. waters the grass, removes the occasional weed, applies the moss-killer etc. etc.?

Mrs OL

Do you complain when things go wrong in the kitchen?

He wouldn't dare

[Onelife]

Who cuts, feeds. waters the grass, removes the occasional weed, applies the moss-killer etc. etc.?

Mrs OL

Do you complain when things go wrong in the kitchen?

He wouldn't dare

Lets get one thing clear…I wear the trousers in this household... I even get to iron them as well

[Stephen]

What has it got to do with her anyway? Who cuts, feeds. waters the grass, removes the occasional weed, applies the moss-killer etc. etc.? Do you complain when things go wrong in the kitchen?

You’ve got to remember it’s Mrs Onelife who wears the trousers

Mind you, we have a plaque hanging up in the hall that reads, ‘Do you want to talk to the man of the house or the woman who knows what’s going on’

[CaroleF]

That made me smile as I remembered what John said in his speech at our daughter's wedding. He said, "When we married we decided that Carole would make the everyday decisions but when something important arose I would be the one to decide - and when that happens I will be there to make that decision!" At that time we'd been married nearly 30 years.

Carole

[Quizzical Bob]

Some famous American comedian, maybe Bob Hope, said that he made all the important decisions in their household. Foreign affairs, economic policies, education reforms and suchlike.

His wife made all the unimportant ones. What they ate for dinner, where they lived, where they went on holiday...

[kaymar]

What has it got to do with her anyway? Who cuts, feeds. waters the grass, removes the occasional weed, applies the moss-killer etc. etc.? Do you complain when things go wrong in the kitchen?

You’ve got to remember it’s Mrs Onelife who wears the trousers

Mind you, we have a plaque hanging up in the hall that reads, ‘Do you want to talk to the man of the house or the woman who knows what’s going on’

Yes, we have one that says "My wife says I never listen to her..............at least I think that's what she said"

[Mervyn and Trish]

My Dad had a plaque that said "I am the master of this house and whatever my wife says shall be done."