It's Friday Fun Time
Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
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- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
It's Friday Fun Time
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 17755
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
If the Indian variant doesn't get named Vindaflu I'm giving up on humanity.
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 17755
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 17755
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 17755
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 17755
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
I've told the missus that im the man of this house and if she don't like it she can wash them pots and do the hoovering herself..
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Onelife
- Captain
- Posts: 14154
- Joined: January 2013
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Boris Johnson walks into a Bank
He needs to cash a cheque. As he approaches the cashier he says, "Good morning, could you please cash this cheque for me?"
The cashier says “It would be my pleasure. Could you please show me your ID?”
Johnson replies: “: “Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am Boris Johnson, Prime Minister.””
The cashier says: “Yes, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of impostors and forgers and requirements of the legislation, etc., I must insist on seeing ID.”
Johnson says: “Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am.”
The Cashier responds: “I am sorry, Mr Johnson, but these are the bank rules and I must follow them.”
Johnson says: “Come on please, I am urging you, please cash this cheque.”
The cashier relents.
“Alright sir, here is an example of what we can do,” he says.
“One day, Tiger Woods came into the bank without an ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the Thames into a cup of tea held by the bank's chairman without spilling a drop. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his cheque.
“Another time, Gordon Ramsay came in without an ID. To prove who he was, he made delicious chicken parm right here on my table, called the branch manager a **** donkey, and fired everyone at the fish and chips joint next door. With that we knew who he was and cashed his cheque. So sir, what can you do to prove that it is you and only you?”
Johnson stands there thinking and thinking and finally says, "Honestly, my mind is a total blank. There is nothing that comes to my mind. I can't think of a single thing. I have absolutely no idea what to do."
The cashier replies: “That will do just fine good sir, will that be large or small notes?”
He needs to cash a cheque. As he approaches the cashier he says, "Good morning, could you please cash this cheque for me?"
The cashier says “It would be my pleasure. Could you please show me your ID?”
Johnson replies: “: “Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am Boris Johnson, Prime Minister.””
The cashier says: “Yes, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of impostors and forgers and requirements of the legislation, etc., I must insist on seeing ID.”
Johnson says: “Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am.”
The Cashier responds: “I am sorry, Mr Johnson, but these are the bank rules and I must follow them.”
Johnson says: “Come on please, I am urging you, please cash this cheque.”
The cashier relents.
“Alright sir, here is an example of what we can do,” he says.
“One day, Tiger Woods came into the bank without an ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the Thames into a cup of tea held by the bank's chairman without spilling a drop. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his cheque.
“Another time, Gordon Ramsay came in without an ID. To prove who he was, he made delicious chicken parm right here on my table, called the branch manager a **** donkey, and fired everyone at the fish and chips joint next door. With that we knew who he was and cashed his cheque. So sir, what can you do to prove that it is you and only you?”
Johnson stands there thinking and thinking and finally says, "Honestly, my mind is a total blank. There is nothing that comes to my mind. I can't think of a single thing. I have absolutely no idea what to do."
The cashier replies: “That will do just fine good sir, will that be large or small notes?”
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Ray Scully
- Senior First Officer
- Posts: 2069
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Lancashire
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Ray Scully
- Senior First Officer
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- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Lancashire
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Ray Scully
- Senior First Officer
- Posts: 2069
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Lancashire
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Ray Scully
- Senior First Officer
- Posts: 2069
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Lancashire
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
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- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 17755
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Mervyn and Trish
- Commodore
- Posts: 17017
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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
STORY TIME:
THE RAKE
A man was working in the garden and his wife was about to take a shower.
He realized that he couldn't find the rake.. and yelled up to his wife,
"Where is the rake?"
She couldn't hear and she shouted back, "What?"
He pointed to his eye, and then pointed to his knee and made a raking motion.
his wife wasn't sure and said "What?"
He repeated the gestures. "Eye - Kneed - The Rake"
His wife replied that she understands and signals back.
She first points to her eye, next she points to her left breast, then she points to her backside, and finally to her crotch.
Well, there is no way in hell he could even come close to that one.
Exasperated, He went upstairs and asked her, "What the hell was that?"
She replies:
"Eye - Left Tit - Behind - The Bush" !!!
THE RAKE
A man was working in the garden and his wife was about to take a shower.
He realized that he couldn't find the rake.. and yelled up to his wife,
"Where is the rake?"
She couldn't hear and she shouted back, "What?"
He pointed to his eye, and then pointed to his knee and made a raking motion.
his wife wasn't sure and said "What?"
He repeated the gestures. "Eye - Kneed - The Rake"
His wife replied that she understands and signals back.
She first points to her eye, next she points to her left breast, then she points to her backside, and finally to her crotch.
Well, there is no way in hell he could even come close to that one.
Exasperated, He went upstairs and asked her, "What the hell was that?"
She replies:
"Eye - Left Tit - Behind - The Bush" !!!
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Mervyn and Trish
- Commodore
- Posts: 17017
- Joined: February 2013
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Mervyn and Trish
- Commodore
- Posts: 17017
- Joined: February 2013
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Ray Scully
- Senior First Officer
- Posts: 2069
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Lancashire
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
James was baptized. The pastor dipped his head into water 3 times and said you are now baptized. Your sins are forgiven, you are a new creation in Christ, your name is now Jacob. No more drinking of alcohol.
Jacob went home and goes to his refrigerator, took all his alcohol bottles out, dipped them into water 3 times and said you're baptized, your sins are forgiven, you're a new creation in Christ, your name is now Fruit Juice.
Jacob went home and goes to his refrigerator, took all his alcohol bottles out, dipped them into water 3 times and said you're baptized, your sins are forgiven, you're a new creation in Christ, your name is now Fruit Juice.
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david63
- Site Admin
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Ray Scully
- Senior First Officer
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- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Lancashire
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Mervyn and Trish
- Commodore
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- Joined: February 2013
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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oldbluefox
- Ex Team Member
- Posts: 12524
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Cumbria
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
I was taught to be cautious