Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

Unread post by **Stephen** » 22 Oct 2021, 08:39

It's Friday Fun Time

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Unread post by **Stephen** » 22 Oct 2021, 08:39

"Do anything nice at the weekend?" asked the blonde bird at work today.

"Yeah, we saw James Bond at the cinema" I replied.

"Oh ,oool!" she said, "What was he watching?"

Unread post by **Stephen** » 22 Oct 2021, 08:41

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Unread post by **Stephen** » 22 Oct 2021, 08:43

I was at that Newcastle game the other day, they were shite.

Had to feign a heart attack to get out.

Unread post by **Stephen** » 22 Oct 2021, 08:45

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Unread post by **Stephen** » 22 Oct 2021, 08:47

"Would you like one of those things that tests your blood pressure For Christmas?" My wife asked.

I replied, "You can f**k off if you think your mum's coming for dinner again."

Unread post by **Stephen** » 22 Oct 2021, 11:45

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Unread post by **Stephen** » 22 Oct 2021, 11:47

I said to the checkout girl, "Has anyone told you how beautiful you are today?"

"No, they haven't," she smiled.

"Well " I said, "there's always tomorrow."

Unread post by **Ray Scully** » 22 Oct 2021, 11:51

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Unread post by **Ray Scully** » 22 Oct 2021, 11:53

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Unread post by **Ray Scully** » 22 Oct 2021, 12:04

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Unread post by **Ray Scully** » 22 Oct 2021, 12:30

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Unread post by **Stephen** » 22 Oct 2021, 13:51

Has shooting begun on that new Alec Baldwin movie?

.....asking for a friend

Unread post by **Stephen** » 22 Oct 2021, 13:52

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Unread post by **gfwgfw** » 22 Oct 2021, 16:06

The strongest day of the week is . . . . .

Unread post by **Ray Scully** » 23 Oct 2021, 11:38

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Unread post by **Stephen** » 23 Oct 2021, 13:07

Like it Ray

Unread post by **Mervyn and Trish** » 24 Oct 2021, 19:08

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Unread post by **Mervyn and Trish** » 24 Oct 2021, 19:09

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Unread post by **Onelife** » 27 Oct 2021, 11:13

This morning, my wife was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast and as I walked in, she turned to me and said, "You've got to make love to me this very moment!" My eyes lit up and I thought, "This is my lucky day!"
Not wanting to lose the moment, I didn't waste any time at all and I gave her a banging right there on the kitchen table.

Afterwards, she said, "Thanks." and returned to the stove.

More than a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"

She chuckled, "The egg timer's broken."

Unread post by **screwy** » 27 Oct 2021, 11:31

Mine would have been extremely hard boiled then.

Unread post by **Onelife** » 27 Oct 2021, 12:25

A man is in Hospital bed wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth. "Nurse" he mumbles "are my testicles black?"

The nurse raises his gown, holds his cock in one hand and his balls in the other. She takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them sir."

Man pulls off the oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly: "Thanks for that. It was lovely but listen very very carefully ... Are-my-test-results-back?!"

Unread post by **Mervyn and Trish** » 27 Oct 2021, 17:42

I need advice, I’ve suspected my wife of having an affair for some time, usual signs.
Phone rings and other end just hangs ups, she’s staying later at work, goes out with the ‘girls’ a lot more than usual.
Any way I decided last night that I would hide behind my new car and wait for her to come home, she came back just after midnight in a car i didn’t recognise, when she got out she took her knickers out her handbag and put them on.
At this point I noticed a crack in my near side rear light cluster, with about an inch of water in the unit. Is this something that can be repaired or do I need a whole new light unit? Cheers.

Unread post by **Stephen** » 27 Oct 2021, 17:58

Nice one Merv.

By the way, I would try drilling a small hole in the lense, drain the water then repair with some clear resin

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