Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~

[Stephen]

It's Friday Fun Time

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[Stephen]

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th-grade students.

"Human beings are the only animals that stutter," she says.

Little Johnny raises his hand. "I had a cat who stuttered Miss," he volunteered.

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked young Johnny to describe the incident.

"Well," he began, "I was in the back yard ...with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!

"Gosh. That must've been scary," said the teacher.

"It sure was!" said Johnny. "My kitty raised his back, went 'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff'...

and before he could say "F*ck", the Rottweiler ate him!

[Stephen]

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[Stephen]

After having dug to a depth of 10 meters last year, Scottish scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 400 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 400 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Scots, in the weeks that followed, English scientists dug to a depth of 20 meters and shortly after, headlines in the Daily Mail were: 'English archaeologists have found traces of 500 year old
copper wire and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the Scots.

One week later, 'The Western Mail', reported that: 'After digging as deep as 30 meters in a peat bog near Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch, Owain Rhydian
Thomas the Jones, a local self taught archaeologist and ferret-sexer, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Mr Jones has therefore concluded that 600 years ago Wales had already gone wireless

[Stephen]

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[Stephen]

My local Chinese restaurant has been hit with a 10k electricity bill.

They said they can't turn off all the lights but they do dim sum.

[Ray Scully]

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[Stephen]

Leaked scripts have revealed that the next series of 'Doctor Who' will be the last.

In the final episode the Daleks set the TARDIS controls to land in a Yorkshire lorry park in the 70s.

[Ray Scully]

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[Stephen]

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[Onelife]

A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners

The lady says, "Come Again!"

The blonde says, "No, it's toothpaste this time."

[Onelife]

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one – and let the other one off.

[Onelife]

I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.

[Ray Scully]

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[Stephen]

A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners

The lady says, "Come Again!"

The blonde says, "No, it's toothpaste this time."

Heard it before but still made me laugh

[Stephen]

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[Stephen]

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[Mervyn and Trish]

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[Mervyn and Trish]

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[Ray Scully]

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[macca1914]

So I rang my mate Stan this morning and his wife answered:
"I wanted to wish you and Stan a good holiday," I said. "You fly from Gatwick tomorrow, don't you?"
She said, "Stansted."
"Blimey," I said, "he seemed absolutely fine in the pub last night."

[Mervyn and Trish]

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