It's Friday Fun Time
Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 17755
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
It's Friday Fun Time
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 17755
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 17755
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 17755
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
As I lay on the Hospital bed, waiting on the Surgeon coming to explain what went wrong with my bypass operation, my heart was in my mouth.
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 17755
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 17755
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
My wife found out that our dog (a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took
it to the vets . He found that the problem was hair in the dog's
ears. He cleaned both ears, and the dog could then hear fine. The vet then
proceeded to tell Andrea that, if she wanted to keep this from recurring,
she should go to the store and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in
the dog's ears once a month.
My wife went to the store and bought some "Nair" hair remover. At the
register, the pharmacist told her, "If you're going to use this under your
arms, don't use deodorant for a few days."
My wife said, "I'm not using it under my arms."
The pharmacist said, "If you're using it on your legs, don't use body lotion
for a couple of days."
My wife replied, "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm
using it on my Schnauzer."
The pharmacist says, "Well, stay off your bike for about a week.!?
it to the vets . He found that the problem was hair in the dog's
ears. He cleaned both ears, and the dog could then hear fine. The vet then
proceeded to tell Andrea that, if she wanted to keep this from recurring,
she should go to the store and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in
the dog's ears once a month.
My wife went to the store and bought some "Nair" hair remover. At the
register, the pharmacist told her, "If you're going to use this under your
arms, don't use deodorant for a few days."
My wife said, "I'm not using it under my arms."
The pharmacist said, "If you're using it on your legs, don't use body lotion
for a couple of days."
My wife replied, "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm
using it on my Schnauzer."
The pharmacist says, "Well, stay off your bike for about a week.!?
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Ray Scully
- Senior First Officer
- Posts: 2069
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Lancashire
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Ray Scully
- Senior First Officer
- Posts: 2069
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Lancashire
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 17755
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 17755
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 17755
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Onelife
- Captain
- Posts: 14154
- Joined: January 2013
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
My penis is so big that it frightens the ladies….so I had to leave the park.
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Ray Scully
- Senior First Officer
- Posts: 2069
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Lancashire
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Ray Scully
- Senior First Officer
- Posts: 2069
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Lancashire
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 17755
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 17755
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 17755
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 17755
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
A man goes to the Dentist to have a tooth pulled. The dentist pulls out a needle to give the man an anaesthetic.
"No way! No needles! I hate needles!" the patient said.
The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man again objects. "I can't do the gas thing - the thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating to me!"
The dentist then asks if the man has any objection to taking a pill.
"No objection," the patient says, "I am fine with pills."
The dentist then returns and says, "Here's a Viagra tablet."
The patient says, "Wow - I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer!"
"It doesn't," said the dentist, "but it will give you something to hold onto when I pull out your tooth."
"No way! No needles! I hate needles!" the patient said.
The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man again objects. "I can't do the gas thing - the thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating to me!"
The dentist then asks if the man has any objection to taking a pill.
"No objection," the patient says, "I am fine with pills."
The dentist then returns and says, "Here's a Viagra tablet."
The patient says, "Wow - I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer!"
"It doesn't," said the dentist, "but it will give you something to hold onto when I pull out your tooth."
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Kendhni
- Ex Team Member
- Posts: 6520
- Joined: January 2013
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
To the great relief of the world Putin dies and is sent to hell. However the devil liked what he had done so after a few years he is given a day off for good behaviour. He decides to go to his favourite bar in the centre of Moscow for a vodka and starts talking to the barman.
Putin: Is Crimea ours?
Barman: Indeed it is
Putin: Donbas?
Barman: Also ours
Putin: What about Kyiv?
Barman: We got that as well
Being satisfied with the answers Putin puts on a smug smile, knocks his vodka down and asks the barman how much he owes.
Barman: 5 hryvnia
Putin: Is Crimea ours?
Barman: Indeed it is
Putin: Donbas?
Barman: Also ours
Putin: What about Kyiv?
Barman: We got that as well
Being satisfied with the answers Putin puts on a smug smile, knocks his vodka down and asks the barman how much he owes.
Barman: 5 hryvnia
Last edited by Kendhni on 01 Oct 2022, 12:42, edited 1 time in total.
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Kendhni
- Ex Team Member
- Posts: 6520
- Joined: January 2013
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Putin's biggest achievement has been to turn the second best army in the world into the second best army in Ukraine.
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Kendhni
- Ex Team Member
- Posts: 6520
- Joined: January 2013
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Stormy Daniels and Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth arrived at the Pearly Gates on the same day to be met by Peter who told them
"Unfortunately, there is only one space available today so you have to tell me why you should get it.”
Stormy takes off her top and said "Look at these, the most perfect breasts God ever created. It will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity.”
Peter thanked Stormy and turns to Queen Elizabeth for her response.
The Queen walks over to a toilet and pulls the lever ... Peter immediately opens the gate to let her in.
Stormy was outraged and yells "What's the deal here?”
“Sorry, Stormy," said Peter, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair.".
"Unfortunately, there is only one space available today so you have to tell me why you should get it.”
Stormy takes off her top and said "Look at these, the most perfect breasts God ever created. It will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity.”
Peter thanked Stormy and turns to Queen Elizabeth for her response.
The Queen walks over to a toilet and pulls the lever ... Peter immediately opens the gate to let her in.
Stormy was outraged and yells "What's the deal here?”
“Sorry, Stormy," said Peter, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair.".