It's Friday Fun Time
Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
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Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
It's Friday Fun Time
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
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- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Being married is solving problems together.
Problems I wouldn't have if I was single.
Problems I wouldn't have if I was single.
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
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- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
I was driving through the village today when reading a sign which said "Max Speed, 40".
I thought, "Happy birthday, Max. Have a great day."
I thought, "Happy birthday, Max. Have a great day."
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Kendhni
- Ex Team Member
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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
True story. For the good lady's 40th birthday I took her on Ocean Village and, on her actual birthday, I had booked a table in the La Luna (?) restaurant. I put on my usual scruffy outfit and she put on a very on point (for the time) red cocktail dress that was slightly low cut, but not overly so, and a push up bra. I also gave her a present and a card with one of those badges saying 'I am 40' which she proudly wore.Stephen wrote: 04 Nov 2022, 08:20I was driving through the village today when reading a sign which said "Max Speed, 40".
I thought, "Happy birthday, Max. Have a great day."
In the restaurant a woman came up to us and told her she thought it was disgusting ... her husband was was apologising profusely, as she stormed out of the restaurant with him in tow, meanwhile the good lady and I looked at each other and thought 'WTF just happened?'. We bumped into him a couple of days later and again he was apologising ... apparently, having seen us, he had made a joke to his wife about her getting a badge advertising her chest size and it blew up on him very quickly.
It took us at least 2 days before we stopped laughing, especially because when we met him the second time, the good lady was wearing her tee shirt emblazoned with 'Area of outstanding natural beauty'.
Last edited by Kendhni on 04 Nov 2022, 09:11, edited 1 time in total.
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
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- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 17755
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
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- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
If you want 3 square meals a day, plenty of TLC and the touch of a good, honest woman, try this little ditty on your wife next time she asks which of your clothes need washing.
"If it's on the chair, one more wear.... If it's on the floor, wash it ya whore...!!"
John: Bed 7,Ward H, City General Hospital.
"If it's on the chair, one more wear.... If it's on the floor, wash it ya whore...!!"
John: Bed 7,Ward H, City General Hospital.
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Ray Scully
- Senior First Officer
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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Ray Scully
- Senior First Officer
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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Chalgrave4
- Cadet
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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
GOVERNMENT LEAK
To help save the economy in this economic crisis, the Government will announce - next week- that
the Home Office and Immigration Department will start deporting Pensioners instead of asylum seekers, so lowering
welfare benefits and NHS costs.
Older people are easier to catch and will not remember how to get back home.
Be sure to send this notice to relatives and friends so they will know what happened to you.
I'll see you on the bus
To help save the economy in this economic crisis, the Government will announce - next week- that
the Home Office and Immigration Department will start deporting Pensioners instead of asylum seekers, so lowering
welfare benefits and NHS costs.
Older people are easier to catch and will not remember how to get back home.
Be sure to send this notice to relatives and friends so they will know what happened to you.
I'll see you on the bus
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Kendhni
- Ex Team Member
- Posts: 6520
- Joined: January 2013
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
A shepherd was minding his flock when a BMW approaches him at high speed and skids to a halt in front of him. The young driver gets out of the car in his designer suit, Rayban glasses and Gucci shoes, walks over to the shepherd and a asks 'If I can guess how many sheep you have will you give me one?'. 'Aye alright' replies the shepherd.
The young man gets out his iPad, connects it to his iPhone, opens up his browser and surfs to the NASA page where he loads up a GPS satellite navigation system to scan the area. He then opens up his data analysis tool and passes the images through it, followed by several complex calculations. After a few minutes he receives a detailed 100 page report that he sends to his miniature printer.
'You have 1472 sheep", he says proudly.
'Aye, that be correct" says the shepherd, 'help yourself to one of my sheep'. The young man looks around and selects one placing it in the back of his car.
The shepherd then asks "If I can guess what you do, will you give me back my sheep?"
"I'm game for that, why not." answered the young man.
So the shepherd says "You are a consultant".
"Correct", said the young man, "How did you guess?".
"No guessing needed." answers the shepherd. "You turned up without anyone calling you ... you expect payment for telling me something I already knew, bt answering a question I never asked ... and you know nothing about my business ... now give me back my dog."
The young man gets out his iPad, connects it to his iPhone, opens up his browser and surfs to the NASA page where he loads up a GPS satellite navigation system to scan the area. He then opens up his data analysis tool and passes the images through it, followed by several complex calculations. After a few minutes he receives a detailed 100 page report that he sends to his miniature printer.
'You have 1472 sheep", he says proudly.
'Aye, that be correct" says the shepherd, 'help yourself to one of my sheep'. The young man looks around and selects one placing it in the back of his car.
The shepherd then asks "If I can guess what you do, will you give me back my sheep?"
"I'm game for that, why not." answered the young man.
So the shepherd says "You are a consultant".
"Correct", said the young man, "How did you guess?".
"No guessing needed." answers the shepherd. "You turned up without anyone calling you ... you expect payment for telling me something I already knew, bt answering a question I never asked ... and you know nothing about my business ... now give me back my dog."
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david63
- Site Admin
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Kendhni
- Ex Team Member
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Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
I always thought that this thread was a bit like BBC programming ... repeats form the last 20 years
Last edited by Kendhni on 06 Nov 2022, 14:19, edited 1 time in total.