It's Friday Fun Time
Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 17745
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
It's Friday Fun Time
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 17745
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 17745
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 17745
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 17745
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
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- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 17745
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
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- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
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- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 17745
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 17745
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
I was on safari in Zambia and we were on foot, looking for lions.
"Mabwe," I said to my guide. "What should I do if a lion suddenly appears before us in the brush?"
"Just stand still boss," he replied. "He won't attack you."
"But what if he does?"
"Then run away, zig-zagging through the trees so as to confuse him."
"But what if there are no trees?"
"Then run as fast as you can back to the jeep and get a rifle."
"But what if he catches up with me before I get back to the jeep?"
"Then reach down, pick some sh*t off the ground and rub it in his eyes. That will blind him and give you a chance to escape."
"But what if there's no sh*t on the ground?"
"Believe me, there will be."
"Mabwe," I said to my guide. "What should I do if a lion suddenly appears before us in the brush?"
"Just stand still boss," he replied. "He won't attack you."
"But what if he does?"
"Then run away, zig-zagging through the trees so as to confuse him."
"But what if there are no trees?"
"Then run as fast as you can back to the jeep and get a rifle."
"But what if he catches up with me before I get back to the jeep?"
"Then reach down, pick some sh*t off the ground and rub it in his eyes. That will blind him and give you a chance to escape."
"But what if there's no sh*t on the ground?"
"Believe me, there will be."
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kaymar
- Senior Second Officer
- Posts: 772
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Ellan Vannin
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
Dolly Parton and Queen Camilla die on the same day and they both go before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven.
Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the angel must decide which of them gets in. The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should get into Heaven. Dolly takes off her top and says, 'Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure the angels will be pleased to see them everyday, for eternity.'
The Angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question..
The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, shakes it up, and gargles. Then, she spits into a toilet and pulls the lever..
The angel chuckles and says,'Okay, Your Majesty, you may go in.'
Dolly is outraged and asks,'What was that all about? I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down. She spits into a commode and gets in! Would you explain that to me?'
'Sorry Dolly,' says the angel, but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair - no matter how big they are.
Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the angel must decide which of them gets in. The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should get into Heaven. Dolly takes off her top and says, 'Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure the angels will be pleased to see them everyday, for eternity.'
The Angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question..
The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, shakes it up, and gargles. Then, she spits into a toilet and pulls the lever..
The angel chuckles and says,'Okay, Your Majesty, you may go in.'
Dolly is outraged and asks,'What was that all about? I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down. She spits into a commode and gets in! Would you explain that to me?'
'Sorry Dolly,' says the angel, but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair - no matter how big they are.
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kaymar
- Senior Second Officer
- Posts: 772
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Ellan Vannin
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
* A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid but he reckoned he could stop any time.....
* I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance. It wasn't good, I pushed her over easily.
* A new Middle East crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'. A spokesman for the channel said.... 'A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the humor, but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.'
* My son's been asking me for a pet spider for his birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £10! B*ll*cks to this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
* Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.
* I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. "Morning." I said. "No" he replied, "just having a p*ss."
* I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.
* The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner.
Talk about Dyson with death…..
* Did you hear about the fat alcoholic transvestite?
All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary.
* Paddy says "Mick I’m thinking of buying a Labrador ."
"sod that" says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind"
* My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning,
can you believe that - 2:30am?!
Luckily for him I was still up playing my drums............
* I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance. It wasn't good, I pushed her over easily.
* A new Middle East crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'. A spokesman for the channel said.... 'A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the humor, but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.'
* My son's been asking me for a pet spider for his birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £10! B*ll*cks to this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
* Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.
* I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. "Morning." I said. "No" he replied, "just having a p*ss."
* I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.
* The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner.
Talk about Dyson with death…..
* Did you hear about the fat alcoholic transvestite?
All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary.
* Paddy says "Mick I’m thinking of buying a Labrador ."
"sod that" says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind"
* My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning,
can you believe that - 2:30am?!
Luckily for him I was still up playing my drums............
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Ray Scully
- Senior First Officer
- Posts: 2069
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Lancashire
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Stephen
Topic author - Commodore
- Posts: 17745
- Joined: January 2013
- Location: Down South - The civilised end of the country :)
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
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Ranchi
- Senior Second Officer
- Posts: 919
- Joined: September 2014
Re: Mornin All ~~~ :) ~~~
A pretty quiet April Fools day in the media yesterday compared to previous years. Only JKRowling’s ‘Only kidding’ tweet seemed to light the press’s blue touch paper.
Perhaps we aren’t in such jovial times as we used to be. Panorama’s spaghetti harvest was a past highlight and as I mentioned before this from BMW was a favourite of mine
https://flic.kr/p/2pE1xrx
However this one was pretty good
https://www.flickr.com/photos/20030902 ... 7C9o0q6cS0
In 1977 the Guardian ran a 7 page Travel Supplement on the Island of San Serriffe. Typography people will get the joke ... and the details on the map.
Genuine advertisers colluded in full.
Perhaps we aren’t in such jovial times as we used to be. Panorama’s spaghetti harvest was a past highlight and as I mentioned before this from BMW was a favourite of mine
https://flic.kr/p/2pE1xrx
However this one was pretty good
https://www.flickr.com/photos/20030902 ... 7C9o0q6cS0
In 1977 the Guardian ran a 7 page Travel Supplement on the Island of San Serriffe. Typography people will get the joke ... and the details on the map.
Genuine advertisers colluded in full.
Last edited by Ranchi on 02 Apr 2024, 09:04, edited 1 time in total.