P&O Community site is back!!!!

[qbman1]

On the new larger ships with the so-called "Sky Screens" they are providing threadbare sofas where you can sit in your pants and string vest and have your dinner on a tray so you northerners can feel at home.

Sadly, not too much graffitti to make you feel welcome as they have chaps from Saudi Arabia with smart blue uniforms and well worn buckets going round after dark to wash it all off each day

[Dark Knight]

so no chavs and pikeys selling dope then? it is gettin me wondering if it is not a bit posh for the likes of us?
and what is a cruise snob? heard they waft about telling all and sunday, how posh and cashed up they are and constantly harpin on about , it aint like it used to be and standards ave dropped, are we ok to give em a quick slap, to shut em up, as we don't want to stand out as a bit common like?
and do we have to dress up, I am appy to put some jeans on at night but that is about it?

[qbman1]

Oh, yes, there's plenty of pikeys - just take a look at all the Mercs in the car park but they tend to get a body cavity search before they will be allowed on the boat to you will just have to take your own dope. Just tell them it is horlicks - that usually works.

Cruise snob? Mmmm - perhaps you mean those oldie goldies who harp on about something called Can-Bra. Apparently it was a rusty old tub where you had to share the lavs and one shower with a bunch of moaning old minnies - but for some reason they still view it with rose tinted glasses.

No need to dress up. They bang on about something called dress codes but no one ever seems to bother and they all pitchup kitted out for a gipsy wedding

[Dark Knight]

sounds lush and just up our alley..........

speaking of which, what is the form for err having adult time?..coz when we go to Torramilenus, we normally put a sock on the door andle to let the nippers know we are at it, so they bugger off and raid the buffet
now I ave been told the walls are a bit thin and I dont want next doors hearing me and the missus banging like the privvy door after a good vindaloo, so, do we still put a sock on the door andle so they all know or is there like a hangy thing you put on the door to warn other folk, as the missus is a bit of a screamer??

[qbman1]

No, you'll be alright. There is a beaten up paper thingy that you can hang on the door handle - one side says "make up my cabin" so you can let the cleaner know to pick up your pants and stuff strewn around the floor and the other side says "resting" so everyone going past knows you are at it !

[Dark Knight]

this boating gaff sounds a right result
now which boat do we book as I know some of em have a name for being a bit cheap and attract the wrong sort of pikey?
do we go for one of the old ones with no stuff or the biggies wiv loads to do?
wouldn't want to get stuck wiv a load of old giffers on scooters and that , as they just get in the way

[qbman1]

I hear tell the best to go for is something called Ventoora or Azoora. Apparently they both have this lemonade deck thingy which doesn't go all the way round the front of the boat so the old codgers don't like it (me included !!)

[qbman1]

I dread to think what Floosie will say if she reads this !!

[Dark Knight]

are the oldies segregated in like a room or a pen? otherwise they don't half get in the way, especially when they dither about at the buffet?
no idea what a lemonade deck thingy is, so I dont fink we will be arsed about that, and and how do you reserve a sunbed so some git don't steal it when we are off doing uver stuff? we normally leave our stuff on em and tell anyone wivin earshot to keep their soddin paws off it?

[noddy10]

You are allowed to bathe once on a 7 night cruise and twice for longer trips. Towels are only provided on request if you get very wet. The loos are very temperamental on board and you are discouraged from using them at all times.


So you have been on Canberra then qbman1

[Supersleuth999]

Oh no, not that old chestnut. I can't help but notice there are lots of members who haven't asked a cruising related question either ......... just sayin'

Maybe so, but it's nice to have a "general chat" area which is free of the abusive trolls who frequent other forums (fora??).

And we will endeavour to keep it that way

May I make a suggestion. Perhaps reducing your posting would help

[qbman1]

Some of the boats do have pens on the back deck - but I have never quite worked out whether it is for the grumpy old buggers or to contain the dreadful children they seem to let on these days.

You'll be alright with the sunbeds, they provide towels just for the purpose of leaving on as many sunbeds as you want so you can have one wherever the sun is. Might be an idea to buy half a dozen old books from the charity shop before you go so you can scatter them around on the beds as well to help scent mark your territory

[qbman1]

So you have been on Canberra then qbman1

Sadly not, but I have been on so many cruises with people who have, I feel like I was there myself !!

[Andrea S]

Thank you for brightening up a dreary day.
You are such idiots but oh so funny.

In case you forget there is a casino where you play strip poker.

[Dark Knight]

QB the cat bloke

I was wiv you up untill you said books??? we ave Kindles and I pads and I ain't leaving them for some light fingered sod to ave it away wiv, so we stick to using towels and threats to make sure no cheeky cove as it away wiv me bed

you really know this boating lark dontcha

[Dark Knight]

to the nice bird who chimed in about strippers....

do you still put money down their knickers or is it charged to your room and you settle up later, or do you get fake fivers like in Spearmint Rhino and Sophisticats, down London?

gawd elp us, there is so much stuff to remember, I will ave to start a list

[qbman1]

That Andrea's a one. Strip poker? She will fit in well so make sure you invite her along on the next boat trip!

What's all this kindle and I pad malarkey? All I know is one's for starting fires and the pads for stuffing in me incontinence pants

[Dark Knight]

cat bloke
you need to get into the cyber age mate, its the future, it is also handy for cloning other peoples room cards and stiffing them for your drinkies
see not all of us is fick like

[suespud]

Will you two pack it in...I'm trying to do housework...and you're distracting me
My OH home tonight, I need to get on.

[qbman1]

Good job you didn't let the resident travelling salesman know you were home alone Spud - he would have been right round, trying to sell you something plastic !

PS sorry about our ravings this morning - clearly a quiet day in the bustling world of commerce !

[Dark Knight]

it passed a bit of time on a quiet day, I think everyone is on holiday?

[Stephen]

As an added bonus of information

Loo paper quality is dependant on class of cabin, starting off with The Daily Star for the stern lower deck inside cabins rising to the Daily Mail for the suites, where both sides are allowed to be used

[suespud]

Ohh I enjoyed it..made me really laugh out loud!! Travelling salesmen welcome any time..as long as he has batteries with him

[Dark Knight]

Batteries include Sue, plus a full demo if needed

[Silver_Shiney]

QB the cat bloke

I was wiv you up untill you said books??? we ave Kindles and I pads and I ain't leaving them for some light fingered sod to ave it away wiv, so we stick to using towels and threats to make sure no cheeky cove as it away wiv me bed

you really know this boating lark dontcha

Sorry, lad you can't read your book by Kindle as nekkid flames aren't allowed on board.