15 sleeps to go.......

[Admiral of the Humber]

Dear Forumeers,

I have had a busy and tiring year so far with only a couple of days off but hey ho the next cruise is in sight and Aurora cruise R311 is only 15 sleeps away. Hopefully by 1pm on Friday 26th July I will eating my first curry of the cruise and drinking the first of many pints of Stella.

I only have to get through 10 days at work, a camping trip next weekend, the packing and a 252 mile car journey.......

Regards
Rob aka AOTH

[Silver_Shiney]

huh, rub it in, why don't you??

[Admiral of the Humber]

......you think this is rubbing it in.....just wait until next Thursday.....

I am ready for it Silver old Buddy...I'm knackered.

Regards
Rob

[Dark Knight]

aww bless,

you do look a bit ragged

[Silver_Shiney]

aww bless,

you do look a bit ragged

You've obviously been working him too hard with that fence!

[Dark Knight]

he aint done yet, we are golfing on Sunday

[Admiral of the Humber]

and putting wardrobe doors on tomorrow....as they are too heavy for him....

[Dark Knight]

you will need a holiday mate, they are huge doors and Lady D has enlisted the neighbour to help as well

[Silver_Shiney]

thank goodness I live a couple of hundred miles away - I don't need to bring out the "bad back" card!!

[Dark Knight]

that will be AOTH's excuse on Sunday when he gets his ass kicked on the links

[Admiral of the Humber]

Dear DK,

Might I remind you about the last time we played. One of us did at least give the approximation of a golfer (me) and one of us did not (you).

I look forward to posting a report early on Sunday afternoon.

Regards
Rob aka AOTH

[Silver_Shiney]

that should putt him off then!

[Not so ancient mariner]

that should putt him off then!

It's a fore-gone conclusion that AOTH will be a fairway ahead when they get to the club house.

[Silver_Shiney]

I'm glad we've ironed that one out

[Dark Knight]

cue endless golf jokes

[Silver_Shiney]

cue endless golf jokes

okay... you asked for it

It was a beautiful Sunday morning, not a cloud in the sky, the temperature was not too hot and not too cold.

The vicar got out of bed and looked out of the window and though "what a perfect day for a game of golf". Temptation overcame him and he phoned the verger to report that he had a migraine and would be unable to lead the service that morning.

He loaded his caddy into the car and drove off to the clubhouse.

He is amazed, at the first hole, to get a hole-in-one.

He is gobsmacked to get another hole-in-one at the second hole.

As he works his way round the course, he gets a hole-in-one every time.

The angels are looking down from heaven at this and are amazed that the vicar, who should have been at church preaching, is blessed with eighteen consecutive holes-in-one - a fantastic achievement for any golfer. They complain to God about the injustice of it.

God smiles and says "Yes, but who is he going to tell about it?"

[Not so ancient mariner]

And now for a somewhat less correct one......!



An American golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive into the woods.
Looking for his ball, he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back, a big
bump on his head and the golfer's ball beside him.
Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured it
over the little guy, reviving him.



"Arrgh! What happened?" the Leprechaun asked.
"I'm afraid I hit you with my golf ball," the golfer says.
"Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square. Ye get three wishes, so
whaddya want?"


"Thank God, you're all right!" the golfer answers in relief. "I don't want
anything, I'm just glad you're OK, and I apologize." And the golfer walks
off.


"What a nice guy," the Leprechaun says to himself. I have to do something
for him. I'll give him the three things I would want... a great golf game,
all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life."


A year goes by (as it does in stories like this) and the American golfer
is back. On the same hole, he again hits a bad drive into the woods; and
the Leprechaun is there waiting for him.


"Twas me that made ye hit the ball here," the little guy says. "I just
want to ask ye, how's yer golf game?" "My game is fantastic!" the golfer
answers. I'm an internationally famous golfer now." He adds, "By the way,
it's good to see you're all right."


"Oh, I'm fine now, thank ye. I did that fer yer golf game, you know. And
tell me, how's yer money situation?" "Why, it's just wonderful!" the
golfer states. "When I need cash, I just reach in my pocket and pull out
$100.00 bills I didn't even know were there!" "I did that fer ye also. And
tell me, how's yer sex life?"


The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment, and says shyly,
"It's OK." "C'mon, c'mon now," urged the Leprechaun, "I'm wanting to know
if I did a good job. How many times a week?" Blushing even more, the
golfer looks around then whispers, "Once, sometimes twice a week."
"What??" responds the Leprechaun in shock. "That's all? Only once or twice
a week?"




"Well," says the golfer, "I figure that's not bad for a priest in
a small parish."

[jacksparrow]

I have put you on my list Sir AOTHy..... do you know anyone else on your cruise?

[Admiral of the Humber]

[quote="jacksparrow"]I have put you on my list Sir AOTHy..... do you know anyone else on your cruise?[/quote

Wife, daughter, BIL, SIL and nephew....

How are you Jack? Well I hope.

[Dark Knight]

the good walk spoiled was not quite the humiliation I expected and at several times during the round, I could have passed for a golfer, which was a huge improvement on last time AOTH and I played
a fine Sunday morning's activity

[Admiral of the Humber]

DK, would you like me to talk you through my birdie....?!

[Dark Knight]

I was there when you did it ,you dipstick ???

[Admiral of the Humber]

Weren't you looking for your ball in a pond at the time? I thought you might have missed it.

[Dark Knight]

oh go on them....

[Admiral of the Humber]

8 sleeps to go.....

If the weather keeps up like it is for the next week I'll be coming back off my cruise looking like one of the crew.

The good news is that the packing is well underway....the bad news is that Mrs AOTH has "wasted" a big chunk of our spenders on a root canal job.

Ho ho ho

Regards
Rob aka AOTH