Cyber bullying

[Kendhni]

Another sad story where someone felt they had to take their own life.
Or a 14 year old who felt she had to take her own life.

The true side of cyber bullying and not the 'cry wolf' claims just because 'someone disagreed with me' ... why would anybody find it funny to tell someone else to kill themselves?
It is very sad that people are firstly so cruel to each other and secondly, and more importantly, that they feel they have nobody they can turn to.

Is there a solution? I am not convinced there is without mind control and thought policing programs ... the web has opened up a whole new world of communication but that has both its plus side and its negative side. It is difficult to police and you can not expect owners of sites such as Facebook, Twitter etc. to read every single post.

[david63]

Cyber bullying takes on several different guises.

There is the open cyber bullying where posts are made in open social media for all to see and whilst it is virtually impossible to prevent such behaviour any site with active moderation can do a "damage limitation" exercise on it. The major problem in this area though is about definition - just what constitutes cyber bullying? What one person will consider bullying another may not, but in any event it always has to be looked at in the context in which it is written.

Another form of cyber bullying can be found in situations where the contact is done in private - either through a private chat line, personal messaging or email. In amongst this I would include Internet Grooming - which is potentially more dangerous as people cannot see what is going on. Situations I would not be happy with are those where someone suddenly starts sending messages to another person where they are bemoaning the fact that they have been victimised. This type of message will generally start to get more frequent and seeking to get the other person to take their side and making out that everyone else is in the wrong and only they can see the truth. This does not only happen with youngsters it also happens with adults - particularly those who may be unfamiliar with how to handle such matters on the Internet. Believe me these people are very convincing.

If anyone feels that this has happened to them in the past, is currently happening or if it should happen at some point in the future on this site then please let one of the Admin/Moderator team know and action will be taken.

[Mo2013]

David, the very real danger is failing to see that the person who is 'claiming' to be victimised is actually telling the truth.

[Kendhni]

Got to agree David.

[Mo2013]

Fine words David. Do I take it that you are addressing the incidence of a member or members 'advising' other members to avoid - and have nothing to do with - a particular individual ?

[david63]

Fine words David. Do I take it that you are addressing the incidence of a member or members 'advising' other members to avoid - and have nothing to do with - a particular individual ?

I am not addressing anyone in-particular but just making some general comments

[Mo2013]

As am I David.

[Boris+]

Ok, maybe I am being 'dim', but these victims of bullying (yes, I agree what has been posted to or at them is horrid) - are they being forced to read the posts or open the email?

If the victims are forced to open/read any texts or posts or emails/pms etc., then the people forcing the victims need to be addressed. If the victims are not being forced - well that opens up a completely different can or worms.

The whole cyber bullying lark sickens me - it's a disgrace.

Em

[Mo2013]

Boris, it is human nature to be inquisitive and therefore open mails and thereby come across posts before a person realises the content. Abuse is just words but the bottom line is that there is no need for it and the abuser needs kicking into touch rather than expect the victim to just ignore. Being told - as a young man was who killed himself - that no-one liked him, not even his family - is just evil. Abusers are defective social cripples who crave attention and who derive pleasure from hurting others. They are sick.

[ChesterfieldJohn]

I believe that Cyber Bullying can also be very subtle.
For example a person may attack just one person on a board and each post that they comment on add negative or nasty comments.
They can also influence other people to attack that person or ignore them by using their online friendships.

Part of the problem is that people can be anonymous adn I think that for forums such as this (not singling this one out but using it as an example) there
should be some way of the moderators checking the identity of the posters. ( not sure how).

I also think that everyone should have a photo of themselves as an avatar which has also been checked.

Its to easy to hide behind a nickname.


It makes me laugh sometimes the nicknames people use

John

[david63]

there should be some way of the moderators checking the identity of the posters. ( not sure how).

Without going into details I can assure that some basic checks are made on all new members of this forum - in fact the system itself will check all new registrations.

I also think that everyone should have a photo of themselves as an avatar which has also been checked.

Totally impossible to police unfortunately John.

[Mo2013]

I believe that Cyber Bullying can also be very subtle.
For example a person may attack just one person on a board and each post that they comment on add negative or nasty comments.
They can also influence other people to attack that person or ignore them by using their online friendships. John

John, you have it in a nutshell. And these things happen because they are allowed to happen but administrators and moderators have the power to stop it.

[Dancing Queen]

I believe that Cyber Bullying can also be very subtle.
For example a person may attack just one person on a board and each post that they comment on add negative or nasty comments.
They can also influence other people to attack that person or ignore them by using their online friendships.

Part of the problem is that people can be anonymous adn I think that for forums such as this (not singling this one out but using it as an example) there
should be some way of the moderators checking the identity of the posters. ( not sure how).

I also think that everyone should have a photo of themselves as an avatar which has also been checked.

Its to easy to hide behind a nickname.


It makes me laugh sometimes the nicknames people use

John

John, I think we have the advantage on this forum that it is very well moderated or in my opinion it is, others may choose to disagree that is their prerogative, I also find not just on this forum but most of them some people will argue that black is white because they believe they are never wrong.

As for anyone influencing anyone else, well someone would be a pretty shallow person if that were the case, there are certain people I will avoid on a forum because it is my choice not to interact with them for whatever reason, someone else may feel the same way as I do but they would certainly not have been influenced by me.

I have been a member of the P&O forum for the last 5 or 6 years and yes you do form friendships with people but no-one has ever influenced me, I make my own mind up about people as I imagine 99% of people do.

With regard to avatars, I think it should be the choice of the individual, let's be honest you could put any photo up and say it was you ( it has been done !! ) when I am comfortable with any online friendship I am more than happy to tell people about myself, there are many members on here that have my e-mail address, my home address/ telephone number and have met me or know what I look like, they have earned that trust just as I have earned theirs.

I don't believe anyone hides behind a screen name but I do believe it is everyone's right to do so if they so wish, there was an instance on another forum when someone who knew my real name chose to make it public knowledge ( this was not an accident it was done out of spite ) no big deal really as I have/had nothing to hide but that choice was taken away from me, consequently that person was banned from the said forum.

[Mo2013]

I remember being on another forum and some people decided to google another member for reasons best known only to themselves, then laughing and ridiculing that person with what they had 'googled'. When the victim did the same to one of their number to show them how it felt, he was banned. The original googlers remained.

I wonder what planet some people live on when the 'fail' to notice what is right in front of their eyes, with people going to great lengths to discredit someone and using every opportunity to score points with comments about their posts. I have been told that people have been 'advised' by others not to have anything to do with another individual and there is no excuse or justification for marginalising and ostracising someone in this way.

[Boris+]

Hi Mo,

I appreciate the content of your response. I don't think that I could agree with the word 'sick' though - that's just me being an awkward old trout! To me if someone is sick they need help and support. I think perhaps you might (hopefully) agree with my alternative description of horrid, nasty or evil?

Aloha!

Em

[Mo2013]

Hi Mo,

I appreciate the content of your response. I don't think that I could agree with the word 'sick' though - that's just me being an awkward old trout! To me if someone is sick they need help and support. I think perhaps you might (hopefully) agree with my alternative description of horrid, nasty or evil?

Aloha!

Em

Em, I appreciate your reply. However, I remain convinced that anyone who can behave like that is sick - for their actions and lack of responsibility for the consequences of their actions, is at the very least, antisocial. It is cruel, vindictive, spiteful and there has got to be something wrong with someone so consumed by all those negative emotions towards someone - in some cases, who they don't even know. Too many people think they are just having a larf, it's sport to them, any reaction they get is brilliant, and they'll say anything to get a reaction - no sorry, they are sick.

[Dancing Queen]

Just to clarify as we seem to have a similar situation here, my post referred to a she and was an example of how spiteful some people can be.

Like with any situation if someone thinks they have carte blanche to say or do anything on a forum then there is always "admin" to deal with it and if anyone violates the T&C then they accept the consequences, I prefer to go down that route if necessary, tit for tat gets no-one anywhere.

[Mo2013]

I think in the interests of fairness, it needed pointing out that to google someone to find out their real name is wrong, and laughing about the results into the bargain is childish and spiteful. Even worse is that person ends up being banned for doing the same thing - because they wanted to give their enemies a taste of their own medicine. The unfairness was that the original group remained whilst the solitary person was banned. The Admin in that case were found to be unfair and lacking in enforcing the rules for everyone. There may have been a good reason for someone to disclose another's name. However, I concede that to do so is also wrong. Everyone makes mistakes but most people learn from their mistakes and move on.

Some do think they have carte blanche to say what they like and I for one expect that Admins will take the appropriate action but, it is a great pity that targeting and unpleasantness towards others is there in the first place.

[Boris+]

Ok, Mo - that's fine by me.

Em

[Dancing Queen]

I think we can all feel happy and secure that we have a great admin team here and it's turning out to be a very nice friendly forum, I suspect that is down to good moderation and fairness to everyone

[Kendhni]

Please note the events of what happened on another board are not anything we can do about here and I would rather we did not see another argument start on this board.

As someone who was present (but stayed out of it) it is obvious from postings already made that there is a very selective interpretation (and incorrect memory) of what happened being related and I would rather it did not escalate ... I will therefore delete any further posts on that subject ... and NO you can not thinly veil them by relating them to how your to pet frog never got kissed by a Princess either

[Andrea S]

I agree with DQ about this site. It is friendly and admin do keep it under control.

Some people think that admin should be exactly that and feel it wrong that they contribute to posts. Personally I think that with them joining in it shows they are keeping a check on posts and they can see at first hand any possible problems.

Any form of bullying is frightening and tends to happen in school playgrounds. Cyber bullying is a different thing altogether. It is sinister and committed by a 'faceless' person. Young people see a friendly avatar and gradually get pulled into something out of their control. It is a form of grooming by someone who knows exactly what they are doing.

Sometimes on this forum you don't know whether the poster is male or female. At some point you twig on but I feel safe in the knowledge that admin do have details of them.

[Kendhni]

Sometimes on this forum you don't know whether the poster is male or female. At some point you twig on but I feel safe in the knowledge that admin do have details of them.

Andrea if it is of any help, I can inform you that I am all male .... however if Julie finds my invoices from Amazon for the new computer equipment I have just sneaked into the house then that situation may change

[ChesterfieldJohn]

I believe that Cyber Bullying can also be very subtle.
For example a person may attack just one person on a board and each post that they comment on add negative or nasty comments.
They can also influence other people to attack that person or ignore them by using their online friendships.

Part of the problem is that people can be anonymous adn I think that for forums such as this (not singling this one out but using it as an example) there
should be some way of the moderators checking the identity of the posters. ( not sure how).

I also think that everyone should have a photo of themselves as an avatar which has also been checked.

Its to easy to hide behind a nickname.


It makes me laugh sometimes the nicknames people use

John

John, I think we have the advantage on this forum that it is very well moderated or in my opinion it is, others may choose to disagree that is their prerogative, I also find not just on this forum but most of them some people will argue that black is white because they believe they are never wrong.

As for anyone influencing anyone else, well someone would be a pretty shallow person if that were the case, there are certain people I will avoid on a forum because it is my choice not to interact with them for whatever reason, someone else may feel the same way as I do but they would certainly not have been influenced by me.
Jo , this is how bullying works, not just online but in real life as well.

I have been a member of the P&O forum for the last 5 or 6 years and yes you do form friendships with people but no-one has ever influenced me, I make my own mind up about people as I imagine 99% of people do.

I wasnt referring to you
With regard to avatars, I think it should be the choice of the individual, let's be honest you could put any photo up and say it was you ( it has been done !! ) when I am comfortable with any online friendship I am more than happy to tell people about myself, there are many members on here that have my e-mail address, my home address/ telephone number and have met me or know what I look like, they have earned that trust just as I have earned theirs.

I don't believe anyone hides behind a screen name but I do believe it is everyone's right to do so if they so wish, there was an instance on another forum when someone who knew my real name chose to make it public knowledge ( this was not an accident it was done out of spite ) no big deal really as I have/had nothing to hide but that choice was taken away from me, consequently that person was banned from the said forum.

Sorry, but if you look at online bullying then people who do it rarely use their own names, even create a false identity sometimes.
Again I certainly wsnt referring to you :0


John

[oldbluefox]

Sometimes on this forum you don't know whether the poster is male or female. At some point you twig on but I feel safe in the knowledge that admin do have details of them.

Andrea if it is of any help, I can inform you that I am all male .... however if Julie finds my invoices from Amazon for the new computer equipment I have just sneaked into the house then that situation may change

The blond wig, pink negligee and pink fluffy slippers are just a smokescreen!!