Becomming a Grandparent

[suespud]

Suespud said......"So you don't think you are overthinking bed linen...lol... Mixed messages for newly born babies??? It's a pattern on a cover.... Nothing more. Not worth anymore discussion... "

Sue, that's just soooo untrue.

My first duvet cover was Barbie (cast down from my sister).... and I'm still madly attracted to blokes called Ken.....

Ohhhh R..well at least your parents were certainly not forcing into being a boy....even though you are one.... I think..

[Kenmo1]

That too! We also have something in common....do you think I'm in with a chance??

Yes. I'm sure you are in with a chance.

I think we have gone off topic here and as Ken and I are not likely to become grandparents, I think we had better return the topic to the experts although I think we've lightened the subject up a bit.

Maureen x

[suespud]

I rarely post, for personal reasons, BUT, this thread is quite unbelievable.

Parents have the say so, end of.

Each of our parents contributed to buying things, buggy, cots, etc. BUT neither of them dictated to us what we should choose with regards to other things, we chose, and neither did they exert their preconceived ideas on us.... even 28 years ago things had changed from my days as a baby and how my Mum did it.

I had twins, eventually, after many hiccups and surgery. Despite everything that I did, make that didn't do, as advised, they were still born over 10 weeks prematurely with almost 2 dozen medics in attendance; obstetrician , anaesthetists , midwives , SCBU nurses and others whose job description I didn't know and, at the time, couldn't care less about.

They spent many weeks in SCBU and were eventually allowed home, still very small and needing feeding every 2-3 hours. I didn't give a hoot what they wore as long as they were OK, AND, I didn't buy a thing before they were born just in case things went pear shaped, again. The day after we got one of them home saw me leaving her with my OH and scurrying to town because she would not feed from the bottles that I had bought; same with twin 2 when she came home; over 7 weeks after they were born, but well before the date that we had been told to anticipate..........their due date and longer.

So, boris, chill out and prepare to enjoy the experience and NOT treat it as a military exercise.

So, whatever the, 'reasons on the ground' are, and I do hope they are not as serious as mine were, just chill out and more importantly, don't interfere, even if you feel that the parents are not up to speed with your way of thinking for the arrival, keep a low profile, they will thank you for it, and I think they may also thank you for also not voicing your concerns regarding their preparations, or your perceived lack of them,in public.
K
I didn't buy a thing until they were born; OK cots were ordered but could have been cancelled, ditto the pram, all on a,' just in case,' scenario. Our 2 survived without any angst as to whether vests or babygros were the best. TG neither my mother or MIL were as controlling as you appear to be.

Well said Wolfie.
Nothing worse than a mother or mil who states.." Well in my day...we did it this way"
My daughters mil used to change the baby into clothes she had bought and preferred,when she looked after him and changed him back for going home. Romper suits...etc...
Until my daughter found out that is....
She won't be doing it with this baby, that's for sure.

[Admiral of the Humber]

Suespud said......"So you don't think you are overthinking bed linen...lol... Mixed messages for newly born babies??? It's a pattern on a cover.... Nothing more. Not worth anymore discussion... "

Sue, that's just soooo untrue.

My first duvet cover was Barbie (cast down from my sister).... and I'm still madly attracted to blokes called Ken.....

At least now we know where you got your "careful" attitude to spending from......

[Meg 50]

my mil disapproved of my choice of reading matter for my children - as a primary school teacher I did actually have some understanding of the subject...

She scorned "The Tiger who came to tea" cos it might make the children think it might really happen...and replaced it with " The rabbit's wedding" (!!!!!) - the pictures in which scared SD witless!


She also got cross one day cos SD as a 3 year old gave her a children's encyclopedia to look at with her (the pictures were excellent!). She felt it was ridiculous that SD spent her life with her nose in a book.

[Andrea S]

Em, I am lost here, why is it you looking at curtains and bedding. That is the parents job and their choice.

I understand you are trying to be helpful but what about the other set of Grandparents. Are you including them in your ideas or are they doing the same kind of thing themselves.

Will you be looking after the baby when your Daughter returns to work?. I think you will find it isn't necessary for you to have things already prepared. Mums become adapt at bringing everything but the kitchen sink with then. They know which cuddly they like best and as they get older their favourite toy won't leave them.

[Admiral of the Humber]

Hi Delboy,

I quietly hoped and dreamt that our daughter would be into languages, history, classics ( so maybe a legal career), and I went with the flow and bought little pink(ish) dresses. When she made her own decisions for her career from about age 11 I was a little surprised, but let her have her own head. How she has turned out as far as career is concerned couldn't be more different from what I had hoped for when she was little, but we supported her all along the way, so I don't really think that we conditioned her - more like she conditioned us.

What bothers me at the moment is that I look around at different clothing suppliers (and soft furnishings too), and the only soft furnishing I can find (which I like the quality of the fabric of) which is not 'sexist' is a range at JL with farmyard animals on. It's bright and colourful without being garish, and as the baby grows up it can be educational. Otherwise the choice is pink etc or blue with boats or trains! I think it's a bit limited.

As far as clothing is concerned I can similarly take issue with loads of ranges, but at least at Baby Gap there is a small selection of clothes that fit the bill.

Em

There are some cute nursery sets on the Mamas and Papas website......the Millie and Boris range tickled me.

[Delboy]

Hi Delboy,

I quietly hoped and dreamt that our daughter would be into languages, history, classics ( so maybe a legal career), and I went with the flow and bought little pink(ish) dresses. When she made her own decisions for her career from about age 11 I was a little surprised, but let her have her own head. How she has turned out as far as career is concerned couldn't be more different from what I had hoped for when she was little, but we supported her all along the way, so I don't really think that we conditioned her - more like she conditioned us.

What bothers me at the moment is that I look around at different clothing suppliers (and soft furnishings too), and the only soft furnishing I can find (which I like the quality of the fabric of) which is not 'sexist' is a range at JL with farmyard animals on. It's bright and colourful without being garish, and as the baby grows up it can be educational. Otherwise the choice is pink etc or blue with boats or trains! I think it's a bit limited.

As far as clothing is concerned I can similarly take issue with loads of ranges, but at least at Baby Gap there is a small selection of clothes that fit the bill.

Em

I never hoped or dreamt what my children would be, they would make up their own mind when the time came, and this is in fact is what happened, both now having self employed careers of what interests them.

As for clothing and soft furnishings, the only thing I know about farmyard animals, is that our youngest grand daughter who is now 6 going on 11, was for a long time into pepper pig. Then it was the pop group JLS and now it's Harry and One direction and these interests have often been reflected in her bed linen, and the clothes she wears. Also she will soon let you know what she likes or does not like.

Don't know about baby grows, but she has a One Diection onesie.

[Boris+]

Currently mostly my husband and I think alike on virtually everything, and daughter is 99% there, and her husband probably 98% there. Yes, we have some interesting discussions - but they always make the actual decisions.

So, 'we' feel we are all singing from the same songsheet - and in the main it is their decision in everything - whether I like it or not. Personally firstly I don't like all this lugging loads of stuff around, hence the items which will be kept at our main home; and secondly if it means that daughter can still on some occasions use her beloved sports car which makes her happy, again that's fine by me. For those small items which just have to 'go with in the car' we gave daughter matching Radley bag, wellies and brolly - which she loved. All I want is a happy young couple and a happy baby.

We have been told quite plainly (and we agree with this) that new currently available items which make life easier for young parents is the way to go. Yes, we do query one or two items. The other Granny is insisting on doing hand knitted stuff in colours which have been mentioned as unpopular; but we already have an outline list of which toys and books etc from the parents-to-be.

Em

[Boris+]

Hi Rob,

Thanks for the heads-up about the Mamas and Papas stuff - I like the Timbuktales range; it might well fit in nicely with the new paintwork etc. I've never been into one of their stores - been past, but never in. We've got to go very near one next week, so I'll try and pop in and have a look.

Em

[suespud]

Currently mostly my husband and I think alike on virtually everything, and daughter is 99% there, and her husband probably 98% there. Yes, we have some interesting discussions - but they always make the actual decisions.

So, 'we' feel we are all singing from the same songsheet - and in the main it is their decision in everything - whether I like it or not. Personally firstly I don't like all this lugging loads of stuff around, hence the items which will be kept at our main home; and secondly if it means that daughter can still on some occasions use her beloved sports car which makes her happy, again that's fine by me. For those small items which just have to 'go with in the car' we gave daughter matching Radley bag, wellies and brolly - which she loved. All I want is a happy young couple and a happy baby.

We have been told quite plainly (and we agree with this) that new currently available items which make life easier for young parents is the way to go. Yes, we do query one or two items. The other Granny is insisting on doing hand knitted stuff in colours which have been mentioned as unpopular; but we already have an outline list of which toys and books etc from the parents-to-be.

Em

When my children were born, and we were given gifts of clothing that someone had lovingly made...even if we were not keen,we made sure the babies wore them at least a couple of times in the presence of the person who made them. Something which my daughter has done too. Then the babies wore them for bed on top of nighties or Babygros in the cold weather. Babies have no preference ...

[Delboy]

Currently mostly my husband and I think alike on virtually everything, and daughter is 99% there, and her husband probably 98% there. Yes, we have some interesting discussions - but they always make the actual decisions.

So, 'we' feel we are all singing from the same songsheet - and in the main it is their decision in everything - whether I like it or not. Personally firstly I don't like all this lugging loads of stuff around, hence the items which will be kept at our main home; and secondly if it means that daughter can still on some occasions use her beloved sports car which makes her happy, again that's fine by me. For those small items which just have to 'go with in the car' we gave daughter matching Radley bag, wellies and brolly - which she loved. All I want is a happy young couple and a happy baby.

We have been told quite plainly (and we agree with this) that new currently available items which make life easier for young parents is the way to go. Yes, we do query one or two items. The other Granny is insisting on doing hand knitted stuff in colours which have been mentioned as unpopular; but we already have an outline list of which toys and books etc from the parents-to-be.

Em

Em

I think the above post says it al for me, my sympathies are with the other granny, she does not appear to be having a lot of input, and what little she has, does not appear to be appreciated.

Time to take my leave from this thread, it's getting a little too HB for me. (HB a TV character)

If it's not a wind up, then I find it all a little bit sad, just my opinion.

[emjay45]

I do think it's harder when you are the MIL. I only ever 'interfered' twice. The first was to suggest my DIL used terry towel nappies and not the disposable type ( which I still think are an abomination) for the sake of the environment. She simply looked at me as if I had lost my marbles. The other time I have mentioned on here before, and that was to give an opinion of the name they had chosen for my first grandson. Big mistake. I don't think I've ever really been forgiven for that. Since then I have kept my opinions about bringing up children to myself, though I've had to bite my tongue a few times.

[jay-ell71]

Em…….So far as "lugging" lots of stuff around… Yours will not be the only place baby is taken. He/she will visit friends, nursery, in-laws even go on holiday and the parents will have the 'lugging' down to a fine art. It will be easier for them to take all the stuff than not. If they leave stuff at home, it might be the very stuff you have run out of, or don't have. You don't need a nursery at your house, just the room for everything that comes with baby when visiting you. You keep the travel cot, they "borrow" it when they need it. Simples.

Mamas and Papas have the most delightful everything for babies. Mothercare is excellent too and much more affordable. Babies are babies not fashion icons.

I hope the baby gets to wear the "layette" MIL is making even though it will have to be hand washed.

[Admiral of the Humber]

My parents have been very supportive of my family and those of my brother and sister.

The only time either of them really tried to interfere had most of us in hysterics. The culprit, my father, was at the time a 73 year old ex Merchant Navy Master Mariner. He was not happy with Miss AOTH's ice skating coach as it was taking Miss AOTH rather a long time to perfect a double toe loop (don't ask I've no idea either) and he felt we should change coaches. We thanked him for his concern and pointed out that he was a 73 year old ex Merchant Navy Master Mariner and let the ex UK international skater and coach of twenty years standing carry on. Miss AOTH thankfully subsequently perfected her double toe loop ( or so I am reliably informed).

Regards
Rob

[Andrea S]

All a baby needs is endless love. To thrive they need a full tummy and warmth.
It doesn't natter where they sleep or what they wear. As they get older a cardboard box will be more fun than any expensive toys they are bought.

Anything given should be gratefully received as it will have been given with love.

Love is from the heart, not the shops with branded names.

[david63]

Another mere male observation.

I thought that babies liked to have familiar things around them rather than changing from one to another.

[Boris+]

As far as the stuff which the other granny is making - I would have loved to have done some handmade stuff, but I really do think enough is enough, so I'll let the other granny do it; but I have a sneaky suspicion it won't get used.

If I'd done a set, I would have done a cardigan, bootees and mittens, and a little hat (as opposed to a bonnet), and then I would have made and embroidered a bit to match the other knitted items.

I'm not in anyway keeping anything from the other grandparents. They sometimes have problems with signal, so everytime there's any news, if the young parents are dashing to get back to work I make sure that I ring up the other grandparents and give them all the news and updates. We're also busy now starting on redecorating a spare bedroom so that when the 'event' happens they can stay with us.

However, the other granny doesn't make herself very popular, criticising everything - from the nursery colour scheme to my daughter's size - all of which are beyond my control, and I have to bite my tongue regularly. I dread to think about the reaction to the name - as and when it's announced. She wants everything done her way, it's awkward; and I can't help but support our daughter and her decisions.

Oh well - it'll all come out in the wash.

Em

[Anne D]

I feel really sorry for the other Grannie.

Anne

[Andrea S]

Me too, It could be anyone on here with a son .

[Boris+]

Well thanks for your comments - but then you aren't au fait with the ins and outs of the situation on the ground.

Em

[Meg 50]

just wish to point out that hand knits can be machine washed these days - I spend a lot of time knitting baby clothes commissions!

[Jan Rosser]

I've been reading this thread with interest and exasperation I have two sons who do not and never have lived locally so my contact with my grandchildren (2 girls in one family and 2 boys in the other) has always been for a few days at a time with overnight stays. So I am the mother in law and at times it can be difficult but I have bitten my tongue and never ever interfered in any way - if asked I have given my opinion or advice and although often frowned on it is quite laughable how many times they have come around to my way of thinking.

Both families decorated and furnished the nurseries, chose the colour scheme, the pram etc. themselves with no input from me (except for contributing financially ) and a fine job they made of it too. I was amazed how things had changed from when my sons were babies mostly I might add for the better.

It is totally different being the mother in law of the new mum to be but I am close enough to my sons to have always been kept informed by them of what was happening - I shall never forget my youngest son phoning in tears to tell me his wife was in labour - my response was to get back to her and pull himself together but not in printable language

My grandchildren have been the most wonderful gift and for that I have to thank both my DIL's and my sons but they are ultimately their responsibility and what an amazing job they have done bringing them up hopefully in some small part influenced by their own upbringing by me and their father

[jay-ell71]

Beautifully put Jan……...

[suespud]

Hi Sue,

Each to their own - but our daughter slept in her own nursery at night from the day she came home (and I believe it was the same for her husband too).

QED I reckon that this particular baby will go home and straight into the nursery at night. I believe that the prospective parents will follow suit.

One thing we are most definitely all agreed on - no dummies, no way.

Wish I was cruising!

Em

Boris, this has bothered me all day. Yout posts about clothing, Babygros in particular, restricting (in your opinion) growth fabrics, decor...all seem to be of major importance to you( if not the parents to be).
Yet you seem to have brushed aside all the safety advice given about the baby should be in with the parents for the first six months, to help protect against cot death. This is why I agree with Derek, that surely theses posts from you are a wind up.