Boarding Schools

[barney]

I'm just trying to read between the lines here a bit Sue, but my guess is that you are not too keen on the bloke.

Would I be right ?

There always the point that maybe he doesn't like them very much and therefore won't make the effort.

A good friend of ours took an immediate dislike to her daughter's (then) boyfriend many years ago.
They are now (unfortunately for her) married and have two beauitful children.

She still can't stand the guy, but puts on a brave face for her daughter
Occasionally it slips a bit.

I have a football mate of mine who's Mother absolutely despises his wife over something that was said about 25 years ago.
Makes it very awkward at family do's as you can imagine.

[Manoverboard]

Moby,it has nothing to do with them "not being arsed", it's all grandads way on most stuff. They stay in hotels now when they go because grandad thinks kids should be seen, and not heard and doesn't like the mess they make in his house. He has a four bedroomed house. They ended up in a travel lodge one Christmas because he couldn't stand his 3year old grandson in his house!! They often make arrangements, take time off work etc, only to be told he has called it off for one reason or another.
He has been invited up here , flights booked for him, but then calls it off.

He has never travelled here to see his daughters home and where she lives.
Btw he isn't old. Was just 60 last year.

Fair enough, I stand corrected on the detail but let's all hope that one day the ( by then not so ) little ones don't blame their parents for their not seeing enough of their Grandfather.

60 years old you say, he seems destined to die a very lonely old man but it has to understood that not all men enjoy having their homes covered in Marmite and Jelly

[Meg 50]

is dil an only child?

[Dancing Queen]

A friend of ours was here this afternoon ( male ) he just happened to mention that tomorrow morning he is looking after his youngest grandson as his daughter has to go into work for a meeting prior to her going back after maternity leave.

He and his wife play a very large part in the care of their 6 grandchildren and I know their children both appreciate that and all the other help they get from them.

I thought it a good opportunity to ask him what he thought about boarding schools ... did he think if one or all of them would benefit from being away from home (money being no object of course) would he support his children if they thought it was the right thing to do .. I got a very big NO, he said pretty much what several others have, if a child has special talents they will thrive wherever they go to school but nothing can substitute for the time and love that is given by parents and grandparents.

Maybe that is a selfish attitude but I suspect one that is shared by many on this forum

[Manoverboard]

I had special talents and my school was a total waste of space ...

[Dark Knight]

moby
you went to a special school and your "talents" were a waste of space

[Dancing Queen]

I had special talents and my school was a total waste of space ...

Do we really need to know this Moby

I'm sure you have many special talents but are they 'printable'

[Boris+]

Hi Jo,

I completely respect what you have said, but if a child has talents might that child not have a better chance to shine in a situation where the child:teacher ratio is lower? It's not just the 'educating' a child that goes on in the private sector - it's teaching the actual subject (as opposed to showing a child how to pass the exams), putting on the 'polish', giving a child the 'edge', and imbuing confidence. I can't put my finger on it, but there are schools which do a completely and utterly stunning job, and if a child is going to head for university, the school will ensure that the child has the right information in the right boxes on the application forms.

Children in private education don't go without love just because they are in the private sector - there is a very high chance that they wouldn't have received the 'love' that everyone refers to anyway.

As I said, I can't put my finger on it - but whatever it is, count me in.

Em

[Manoverboard]

I had special talents and my school was a total waste of space ...

Do we really need to know this Moby

I'm sure you have many special talents but are they 'printable'

moby
you went to a special school and your "talents" were a waste of space

Ok ... it's a gotcha

[Meg 50]

Hi Jo,

I completely respect what you have said, but if a child has talents might that child not have a better chance to shine in a situation where the child:teacher ratio is lower? It's not just the 'educating' a child that goes on in the private sector - it's teaching the actual subject (as opposed to showing a child how to pass the exams), putting on the 'polish', giving a child the 'edge', and imbuing confidence. .......


Em

near to us is a highly thought of day private school

- re teaching the subject, not to the exam...

the teachers there prefer to get children in at 10/11 who have come from the state sector because they have been taught to think, not just taught to pass common entrance

[Boris+]

Hi Meg,

Have any of your children had to prepare for common entrance? The better the school whose entrance exam a child is preparing for, the more preparation there is to do.

It is not simply passing the exam, but getting through other assessments and interviews as well.

However, all that is a bit academic in terms of this thread. If Sue and her family truly wish children to remain at home, then I think it would be wise (whilst still upholding personal beliefs) and kind to wish her well, and be a bit supportive. She's not doing anything wrong - she's simply doing (or her family will be doing) what the majority of them think is the best path to tread.

Em

[ChesterfieldJohn]

Hi Meg,

Have any of your children had to prepare for common entrance? The better the school whose entrance exam a child is preparing for, the more preparation there is to do.

It is not simply passing the exam, but getting through other assessments and interviews as well.


Em

And I am sure that the amount of money the parents have counts as well.

[Dancing Queen]

Hi Jo,

I completely respect what you have said, but if a child has talents might that child not have a better chance to shine in a situation where the child:teacher ratio is lower? It's not just the 'educating' a child that goes on in the private sector - it's teaching the actual subject (as opposed to showing a child how to pass the exams), putting on the 'polish', giving a child the 'edge', and imbuing confidence. I can't put my finger on it, but there are schools which do a completely and utterly stunning job, and if a child is going to head for university, the school will ensure that the child has the right information in the right boxes on the application forms.

Children in private education don't go without love just because they are in the private sector - there is a very high chance that they wouldn't have received the 'love' that everyone refers to anyway.

As I said, I can't put my finger on it - but whatever it is, count me in.

Em

You tell me Em, as long as you can live with the decisions you made that is all that really matters.

[Dancing Queen]

Hi Meg,

Have any of your children had to prepare for common entrance? The better the school whose entrance exam a child is preparing for, the more preparation there is to do.

It is not simply passing the exam, but getting through other assessments and interviews as well.


Em

And I am sure that the amount of money the parents have counts as well.

Nail on the head John

[Boris+]

Hi Jo,

We - my husband and I and our daughter are all completely content with the decisions we made for her education all those years ago. The feeling was that there was an opportunity and we took it

Sue and her family now face a decision, and as they and they alone know the 'ins' and 'outs' of their family life they and they alone are best placed to make that decision; and I wish them loads of good fortune, happiness and joy.

A family is a team - and in many teams there will be people who are in the majority and in favour of one particular option, and also there may well be a minority who wish a different decision had been made. The important thing is to all pull together and put aside these differences and be happy.

Em

[Boris+]

This is going to sound a tad naïve - but money hasn't got much to do with it.

Many private school parents face a choice - plain and simple holidays and a basic car etc and private education, or fancy car and holidays (albeit it on credit) and state school.

It's not what you've got, it's how you use it.

Em

[suespud]

Frank
I have offered my opinion and obviously it was not what the OP wanted to hear, so the obvious point is, what did she want to hear?
that she is right and everybody supports her 100% and well done for being such a wonderful caring person?
I read the OP as a cynical attempt to besmirch somebody , because they are from Surrey and have money, and to try to garner support for their own point of view, whilst denigrating somebody else's good intentions
If it has nothing to do with Surrey grandad, then it sure as hell has nothing to do with Geordie Grandma either

so read what I wrote and for heaven's sake stop self electing to get upset, as it has nothing to do with anyone but the parents......end of

DQ

Agreed we may have different interpretations and different view points and agreed there is no guarantee of success at a private school but no harm going either.

Anywho, this is pointless and none of anyone's concern but the parents and whatever they decide is ok for them, I just hope they don't give into to Granny pestering and make the wrong choice

bye bye

And your opinion is as welcome as anyone else's DK, it isn't about wanting people to agree with me if you read the post again you will note the decision has already been made and it was made by my son and DIL who are the parents which is as it should be, any decisions about THEIR children is entirely up to them, I support them no more no less.

Where did I say I was right, being against something doesn't mean I am right but having brought up 3 of my own and my friends 3 children, for many years,and seen them develop and go on to Uni all have good careers I think I can take a little of the credit for how they have turned out....

I don't believe I said I am a wonderful caring person either..... I am happy to help out as much as I can for ALL my grandchildren what I don't do is interfere which is what you are implying, I might bump my gums on here, but I'm very careful of what I actually say to them...... I help because I want the best for my children and grandchildren but ultimately they make all the important decisions so don't assume you know anything at all about me, attack the post not the poster, although that is probably wasted on you as you seem to revel in trying to upset people , although it failed miserably on me, ,I guess it was just my turn, for you to try this week !!

When you become a parent you just might understand that there is such a thing as unconditional love or maybe that is just reserved for your dogs.

[Dark Knight]

Sue
perhaps if you had just asked if children should go to boarding school , my response would have been different, my opinion would have been the same but a different response
The way I read your post, was that you had gone out of your way to run down Surrey granddad , to justify your opinion, which was re-enforced by your further posts

apologies if I was over zealous but I thought pointing out his failings did not add to your post, in fact it detracted from it, hence my responses, once again apologies, if I was a bit harsh

[suespud]

Sue
perhaps if you had just asked if children should go to boarding school , my response would have been different, my opinion would have been the same but a different response
The way I read your post, was that you had gone out of your way to run down Surrey granddad , to justify your opinion, which was re-enforced by your further posts

apologies if I was over zealous but I thought pointing out his failings did not add to your post, in fact it detracted from it, hence my responses, once again apologies, if I was a bit harsh

DK, think you for your reply. I know Iv come across strongly against grandad, but it's such a difficult and delicate thing to handle. There obviously is a lot more to it, than I have explained. I'm on the edge watching my son and dil stand firm against a man who has dictated, bullied, controlled and caused much heartache, to his daughter, wife and stepsons and it isn't easy.
The boarding school was just the latest ploy.
My frustrations at the situation are obvious!!!
My dil can't go to her mam..so she comes to me for comfort..
Believe it or not, I don't slag her father off...even if I feel I want to stott his head off the wall!!!
I tell her he is her dad, he is trying to do what he thinks is best, but if you don't want the same thing you must tell him.
Which she and my son did.
He then threatens to dis-inherit her, but they have stuck to their guns. Their children won't attend boarding school.

It's a sad situation.