Boarding Schools

Unread post by **suespud** » 02 Jun 2014, 21:42

My dil's father has offered to pay for his grandchildren to go to boarding school...coming home every weekend and holidays, but boarding through the week!! He thinks it is better than the education HIS grandchildren will get up in the north east, going to local primary and then comp.( he lives in Surrey)
Dil is none too happy..she doesn't want it!! My son is dead set against it..he has a Head of Department job in our local comp.
it's causing lots of problems for them.
He is a very domineering person... But my son won't back down.

I had a friend who attended a boarding school and it gave her many problems...mainly thinking she was a burden to her parents!!!
I would never consider sending a child away to school, although we did discuss it when our first was a baby. Then I realised very soon I couldn't be parted from him.
Children need to be with their parents as much as possible.
It breaks my heart to think of young children crying for their parents after a bad dream..or night terror.
Children being bullied, having to face it on their own..etc all the stuff children go through..without their parents care and nurturing ...
Nahhhhh it not the way I think children should be treat.

Unread post by **Ray Scully** » 02 Jun 2014, 21:58

You say he lives in Surrey Sue. Is this were he would like the children to be educated?

Ray

Unread post by **suespud** » 02 Jun 2014, 22:16

Ray Scully wrote:
You say he lives in Surrey Sue. Is this were he would like the children to be educated?

Ray

Ohh he has checked out the Public Schools up here... A couple in the Durham area were suitable seemingly

Unread post by **GillD46** » 02 Jun 2014, 22:56

Not something I would have EVER done.

Unread post by **suespud** » 02 Jun 2014, 22:57

GillD46 wrote:
Not something I would have EVER done.

Me neither Gill. Xx

Unread post by **Andrea S** » 02 Jun 2014, 23:08

Sue, Words fail me. How disgusting that a Father can suggest to his Daughter that she lives in a poor educational area and that (HIS) Grandchildren could do better elsewhere. A child's education begins at home in a happy environment. What is more exciting to a child than running home to Mummy and Daddy to tell then all about their school day. A star for their homework means Nana and Grandad have to be told. Falling over, who better than Mummy to make it better when they get home.
Marriage and bringing up children is hard enough without the stress that this must be having on your Son and DIL, and obviously following through to you. Ugh.

Unread post by **suespud** » 02 Jun 2014, 23:21

Andrea S wrote:
Sue, Words fail me. How disgusting that a Father can suggest to his Daughter that she lives in a poor educational area and that (HIS) Grandchildren could do better elsewhere. A child's education begins at home in a happy environment. What is more exciting to a child than running home to Mummy and Daddy to tell then all about their school day. A star for their homework means Nana and Grandad have to be told. Falling over, who better than Mummy to make it better when they get home.
Marriage and bringing up children is hard enough without the stress that this must be having on your Son and DIL, and obviously following through to you. Ugh.

Indeed Andrea...
Words are not failing me though....Iv had my say!!!
Ugh for sure!!!

He has helped them financially a little and seems to think he can dictate. It was supposed to be a gift... But now has conditions attached.
Dil left home at 16 because of his controlling ways.
He lives in the dark ages...won't accept things change.
GGGGRRRRRRRR!!!!!!

Unread post by **Holiday Planner** » 02 Jun 2014, 23:33

I can't imagine any circumstance where I would send primary aged children to boarding school. That's just too young. I can see the merit for older secondary aged children boarding when preparing for exams if the parents move around a lot, such as with the forces.
Don't set too much stall on league tables. My son was much happier in his first primary school which didn't have outstanding results, but encouraged independent thinking and treated my son's eccentricity with affection; rather than when we moved to a middle class area where he was bullied for being a geek (incidentally that school got it's results partly by virtue of the extensive private tutoring many received in the evenings!)

Unread post by **wolfie** » 02 Jun 2014, 23:43

No way would we have boarded ours although they did go to a school where this was an option but they were day pupils.

As a teacher, I maintain that your children learn as much at home as they do at school, all being that you devote time to them.

If you can't be bothered, and your life is more important, then send them to boarding school.

Unread post by **suespud** » 02 Jun 2014, 23:53

wolfie wrote:
No way would we have boarded ours although they did go to a school where this was an option but they were day pupils.

As a teacher, I maintain that your children learn as much at home as they do at school, all being that you devote time to them.

If you can't be bothered, and your life is more important, then send them to boarding school.

Why do people have children if THEIR life is more important??
My OH worked away a bit , but I was there 24 hours a day.
Didn't go to work till they were all in their late teens, to help ( financially) them through university.

Unread post by **wolfie** » 03 Jun 2014, 00:15

No idea Spud.

I gave up work when ours were born, despite being on the management ladder, and only went back, as a supply teacher when ours went to school, only then for a few days a month and didn't go back full time until they were in their teens. I didn't miss any of the important milestones; first steps, first words etc. No regrets.

Unread post by **david63** » 03 Jun 2014, 06:47

From what you have said Sue there is no "easy" answer to this but one thing is for sure, and that is it will almost inevitably end in tears for someone.

Your grandchildren are, first and foremost, your son and daughter-in-law's children and therefore their responsibility on how they bring them up and educate them whether other family members agree or not - unless of course the grandchildren are suffering in some way (which there is no suggestion of in this instance)

One thing that I am sure that everyone want is the best possible education for the children but not knowing the schools in the area it is impossible to say what/where that would be but would sending them to a fee paying "private" local school be considered as a possible compromise by all parties?

Unread post by **suespud** » 03 Jun 2014, 07:39

david63 wrote:
From what you have said Sue there is no "easy" answer to this but one thing is for sure, and that is it will almost inevitably end in tears for someone.

Your grandchildren are, first and foremost, your son and daughter-in-law's children and therefore their responsibility on how they bring them up and educate them whether other family members agree or not - unless of course the grandchildren are suffering in some way (which there is no suggestion of in this instance)

One thing that I am sure that everyone want is the best possible education for the children but not knowing the schools in the area it is impossible to say what/where that would be but would sending them to a fee paying "private" local school be considered as a possible compromise by all parties?

David, of course the children's education is very important.
But my son and dil do not want to send the children to a "private " day school either. My son is a teacher, he knows the schools they have chosen are fine.
This is all about control from the grandfather, not what is best for them.
He is quite wealthy and is hinting that any inheritance might be jeopardised if they don't don't do as he requests.
They won't give in. The children will be fine at the local state schools, with support from their parents and us.

Unread post by **Meg 50** » 03 Jun 2014, 07:42

can he be asked to set up a trust fund to see them through Uni - rather than school?

Unread post by **GillD46** » 03 Jun 2014, 07:55

That would be a great help to most, particularly given the huge fees these days. But the problem is obviously in the control element - well done to your son and daughter-in-law in making a stand!

Grand parents should be sensitive to the parent's own thoughts.

Unread post by **barney** » 03 Jun 2014, 08:10

Quite simply, thanks but NO.

End of conversation.

Now, FiL, if you really want to help the kids out, I could do with a new F type Jag to run them around in

Unread post by **Andrea S** » 03 Jun 2014, 08:13

She, Is it really about education or pure jealousy the close bond you all have.
Grandparents are there to support their children, not dictate to them on how to lead their lives.
As for his financial help is he the only person to help out. I think not.

Unread post by **Boris+** » 03 Jun 2014, 08:31

Well - oh gosh you might have guessed this was coming ........ I went away to a boarding school when I was 9yrs old, and there were no problems.

Our daughter has been educated privately from the word go. She attended the nursery section of a prep school and then prep school, before moving onwards and upwards to boarding school. Obviously the prep school years were done on a day pupil basis, and then boarding school did what it says on the tin. She didn't come home every weekend - just as and when needed for special activities.

Now we have a granddaughter, and it is our earnest hope that the same path will be trodden (and enjoyed) by her.

We truly believe that our daughter wouldn't have enjoyed such a fantastic teaching experience if she hadn't gone through the private sector, and we are convinced that we did the best thing.

We are exceptionally close to our daughter - and the boarding school experience has done nothing to harm that situation.

Yes, it is wonderful to be with children every day, and if you can find a suitable school in the private sector which is within driving distance that's really wonderful, but if not - get out the trunks and travel.

Em

Unread post by **Sarah62+** » 03 Jun 2014, 08:42

I also went to boarding school at the age of 10. It was very strange at first, but I enjoyed 6 years at a school in Bexhill. I now have a lifelong bond with alot of my school friends still 40 years later, (facebook is very useful here).

But... it should always be the choice of the parents as to where their children are educated. Sounds like a very bullying Grandfather, who is used to getting his own way. A firm NO is required, and an explanation that he is harming his relationship with his grandchildren, if not now but most certainly in the future.

Good luck, and hope you stay strong.

Unread post by **suespud** » 03 Jun 2014, 09:42

Boris+ wrote:
Well - oh gosh you might have guessed this was coming ........ I went away to a boarding school when I was 9yrs old, and there were no problems.

Our daughter has been educated privately from the word go. She attended the nursery section of a prep school and then prep school, before moving onwards and upwards to boarding school. Obviously the prep school years were done on a day pupil basis, and then boarding school did what it says on the tin. She didn't come home every weekend - just as and when needed for special activities.

Now we have a granddaughter, and it is our earnest hope that the same path will be trodden (and enjoyed) by her.

We truly believe that our daughter wouldn't have enjoyed such a fantastic teaching experience if she hadn't gone through the private sector, and we are convinced that we did the best thing.

We are exceptionally close to our daughter - and the boarding school experience has done nothing to harm that situation.

Yes, it is wonderful to be with children every day, and if you can find a suitable school in the private sector which is within driving distance that's really wonderful, but if not - get out the trunks and travel.

Em

Each to their own of course. But why does it have to be a private school within driving distance?
Are there no state schools suitable?
Did you not miss her if she only came home on special occasions?

Unread post by **ITWA Travel Writer** » 03 Jun 2014, 10:45

Living up here in the rugged north of the UK, as some people see us, we have in the main excellently run state schools.

We also have within walking distance from where I live, Gordonstoun School. They take pupils from eight to eighteen and have alumni studied with Oxbridge grads and many Royals from not only this country but from all over the world.

In such a school where teachers have class sizes of between two and six, in the senior school, there is no doubt that teaching such small numbers must benefit a student. There is also the addition of being able to build a social structure with those who will eventually be the leaders of industry and commerce throughout the world. This is one facet that state schools just cannot match.

However, there are good boarding schools and there are bad boarding schools!! There are also children who take to the boarding school environment and again other children who do not.

I loved it, but my daughter hated it so we placed her in a state school where she flourished into a well-rounded individual.

There is no one who knows their children better than their parents. They in the end are the ones who will best decide, not grandparents, aunts, uncles, family tradition, or money.

Unread post by **Ray Scully** » 03 Jun 2014, 10:50

I'm glad we did not board our sons out. I think it would make it easier for them to put us in a care home when we start to become a nuisance

Ray

Unread post by **Andrea S** » 03 Jun 2014, 10:52

Ray, That is funny and possibly true.

Unread post by **Dancing Queen** » 03 Jun 2014, 11:10

Wasn't it Prince Charles who said he spent many unhappy years at Gordonstoun

Unread post by **Onelife** » 03 Jun 2014, 11:37

Hi Sue,

It sounds to me that your Son and daughter in law have aready arrived at their decision and one that l'm sure they won't regret. I have watched enough programs about boarding schools, most of which have been enough to bring tears to my eyes let alone the eyes of those poor kids who are forced to attend such institutions.

Ok they may well get a better education but that education will inevitable leave them with some deep rooted emotional scars...

Regards

Keith

Cruise Community Forum

Boarding Schools

Boarding Schools

Re: Boarding Schools

Re: Boarding Schools

Re: Boarding Schools

Re: Boarding Schools

Re: Boarding Schools

Re: Boarding Schools

Re: Boarding Schools

Re: Boarding Schools

Re: Boarding Schools

Re: Boarding Schools

Re: Boarding Schools

Re: Boarding Schools

Re: Boarding Schools

Re: Boarding Schools

Re: Boarding Schools

Re: Boarding Schools

Re: Boarding Schools

Re: Boarding Schools

Re: Boarding Schools

Re: Boarding Schools

Re: Boarding Schools

Re: Boarding Schools

Re: Boarding Schools

Re: Boarding Schools

Board Disclaimer