Which would you prefer?

[Boris+]

If you are organising a 'get together' which involves a lunch out somewhere - which would you prefer..... would you prefer to let everyone run up a very large bill for food and drink and then have just one bill and divide it equally between everyone; or would you rather everyone pay for exactly what they've enjoyed?

Em

[Meg 50]

depends whether the amounts consumed are similar - seems a bit rotten expecting a Teetotaller to subsidise some one else's massive drinks bill

[Boris+]

Hi Meg,

That's what I was thinking. I've been to a couple of lunches recently, and one was a situation where everyone 'paid their own way' - didn't seem to cause any problems for the waiters at all. The other one was a situation where the organiser asked for one total bill and then told everyone that the total amount was to be split equally between all those attending.

Many of the people attending had consumed more courses and more drinks than some of the guests, and those who had consumed less didn't seem particularly happy about the situation but said nothing to 'keep the peace'. I couldn't help but think that one or two of the people had 'more than their fair share' because they realised that they could take advantage of the situation - which I don't think is very nice at all.

Em

[GillD46]

I go out with old school friends every month. Because we only moved back here a couple of years ago, and they have always lived here, I can't make the rules, but they pay for what they eat and drink. So I go along with it, though personally I feel it's very petty.

When out with our old friends - couples - we always split the bill equally, even though I don't drink. But with the newer friends, they like to pay for their own meal and nothing more. We go along with it, because we have been welcomed into the group, but we quietly find it rather tight!

[Kenmo1]

depends whether the amounts consumed are similar - seems a bit rotten expecting a Teetotaller to subsidise some one else's massive drinks bill

I'm with Meg on this one.

[colwill]

And I'm with GillD.

[Manoverboard]

Can't be arsed to sit there working it all out as a norm but when on a coaching holiday recently, for example, we did ( collectively ) ask the waiter to apportion the meal costs to the appropriate couples.

As for non drinkers surely a glass of elderberry presse(sp) etc can be approaching the price of a modest glass of wine, else order a more expensive meal to offset the difference ... unless consumption is very high of course and then simply request two splits, one for the food and another for the booze ?

[oldbluefox]

If I'm out with friends I'm not bothered about splitting the bill and don't worry what A or B has had to eat or drink. I've had the pleasure of their company so any differences are irrelevant. If I've had an enjoyable night out in their company I am happy whatever it has cost me.

[Manoverboard]

... If I've had an enjoyable night out in their company I am happy whatever it has cost me.

Yeah, what are you doing on Thursday

[oldbluefox]

No problem Mob. I'll meet you in the Belle Vue in Papcastle and I'll treat you to a decent pub meal. Are you drinking still or carbonated?

[Boris+]

I've been party to a bit of private chat about this recent outing where some of the people who consumed far more than others have now been dubbed as 'free loaders' - and it appears that they knew quite well what they were doing.

I really wouldn't like to be thought of like that - and it's even been suggested in the private chat that it's the 'freeloaders' who are the 'tight wads' because they lived it up and did so being pretty certain that they would get away with it.

Then I suppose there's the other side of the issue which has now surfaced - those who didn't 'over consume' but paid through the nose are now mentioning the fact that one or two couples who drank heartily (alcohol) then merrily got into their cars and drove themselves home.

I think the more I think about it, the more I think that people should pay for what they have themselves consumed - and then they are not contributing to the habits of people who intentionally drink and drive.

Oh well - thanks for all the replies, I know it's nice to treat friends (and family too), but that can always be done separately from the main bill of course.

It does sort of raise a different question though - would you personally buy alcohol for people who intend to (and actually go on to drive) drive a vehicle on the public highway straight away? I don't think I could bring myself to do that.

Em

[GillD46]

No definitely not. Fortunately when we go out, I always drive because I don't drink very often - and never if driving. When out with my "girl" friends, generally our husbands share the taking and collecting.

[oldbluefox]

If they were friends who drank like fish it would be a courtesy for them to offer to pay the extra to cover their indulgence. Clearly it would be a different matter if they were just taking you for a ride.

[Quizzical Bob]

I'm a firm believer that you should pay your own way in life

[jay-ell71]

A dozen of us had dinner to celebrate a birthday a while ago. When it came to paying, one member of the group insisted on paying only for what she had. This meant the rest of us had to pick up the shortfall. She also avoided the tip It left a bad taste. (No pun intended !)

Apart from the above, in any group I have ever been out with, whether it be four or 12, the bill is split between all. This is the most friendly way to be IMO. Who wants to do accountancy at the end of a pleasant evening out.

[Dancing Queen]

I personally don't have a problem splitting the bill when out with friends but then I've never been someone who would be keeping a check on what someone is drinking or ordering from the menu, I think if it bothered me I would choose my friends more carefully.

We do have one friend ( I use the term very lightly ) who, when the bill arrives sits and scrutinises it to make sure she hasn't been charged 20p too much, I find that very embarrassing and needless to say we avoid going out with them.

As for drinking and driving .. not something I ever do nor does my husband, if we are out for the evening we take a taxi, as for anticipating that people will drink and then drive well that is just what it is 'anticipation' no-one can know for sure what someone else will decide to do, this is something between you and your conscience, if I saw it happen I wouldn't hesitate to pick a phone up and call the police but thankfully none of our 'circle' are that stupid !!

[Stephen]

I prefer to let someone else pay

[Andrea S]

If we are out with friends we split the bill. When out with the family they buy the drinks at the bar pre dinner then it is our treat.

Some people do tend to have different ideas.

Some years ago we used to go out with friends who always shared the cost of whatever they bought. When we were out together for a meal my friend would work out exactly what hers had come to and at the table gave the cash to her Husband, even waiting for any change.

[jay-ell71]

Andrea..... I love that anecdote. Thanks for sharing it !!!!

[Meg 50]

we have a variety of arrangements - sometimes it's their or or treat and contributions are refused, other times one couple pay for the food and the other the drink


In a large group it's more difficult. If we're all having similar amounts of food and drink we'll all chuck in cash

[Boris+]

I have to agree with QB, and Meg too - the thing is I wouldn't dream of running up a bill and then expecting other people to pick up the tab; unless it was an invite to an all inclusive do.

When I invite folk to come along and have a meal out, then I fully expect to cover the complete bill and tips and a taxi home if necessary; I just don't like people 'woollying' around, loading the bill, outdrinking and outeating everyone else, and then smiling at the prospect of other people having to cover the overconsumption, greed and sheer gluttony of others.

However, I recently went to a meal out where this sort of thing happened, and had put up with people (not friends really I hasten to add), boasting about just how clever/wise/wealthy they are, and then blow me down they have to get their mobile phones out and struggle to find the calculator - to divide the blasted bill by ten!

I think that if and when I get 'invited' out by this particular crowd then I will quietly arrange to pay my bill before the end of the meal, and when they announce it's time to divide the bill 'equally', then I can say I've already sorted my bill. Hopefully if they don't like it I won't get invited again.

Em

[GillD46]

It sounds as though you don't really care for these people much anyway, Em. Maybe just not meet up with them again.

[Dancing Queen]

I have to agree with QB, and Meg too - the thing is I wouldn't dream of running up a bill and then expecting other people to pick up the tab; unless it was an invite to an all inclusive do.

When I invite folk to come along and have a meal out, then I fully expect to cover the complete bill and tips and a taxi home if necessary; I just don't like people 'woollying' around, loading the bill, outdrinking and outeating everyone else, and then smiling at the prospect of other people having to cover the overconsumption, greed and sheer gluttony of others.

However, I recently went to a meal out where this sort of thing happened, and had put up with people (not friends really I hasten to add), boasting about just how clever/wise/wealthy they are, and then blow me down they have to get their mobile phones out and struggle to find the calculator - to divide the blasted bill by ten!

I think that if and when I get 'invited' out by this particular crowd then I will quietly arrange to pay my bill before the end of the meal, and when they announce it's time to divide the bill 'equally', then I can say I've already sorted my bill. Hopefully if they don't like it I won't get invited again.

Em

So your original question was really about what 'you' should do Em having already dined out with this particular group ( or at least that is how I'm reading it ) tbh if you find 'this crowd' so distasteful why not just say NO if and when you get an invitation ... simples.

[Meg 50]

I'm with GillD here.

Be economical with the truth - tell them you're babysitting or some'at and use the cash on a meal à deux with OH

[Boris+]

I suppose we went to this meal because we felt that we had to.

It's a shame that people make us feel like that - it wasn't really a pleasure, and I would have been much happier not going. I will try and not repeat the experience.

Meanwhile, whenever I have to organise a similar event having now heard how people felt after a couple of outings with this particular group of free-loaders, I will diplomatically ensure that the waiters know from the outset that everyone is settling their own individual bills - and then they can all blame just me instead of mouldering at each other.

Em