The Middle East - a Summary

[oldbluefox]

I’m sure this will make everything about the current situation in Middle East plain and simple. A highly restricted briefing document on Syria ....

President Assad (who is bad) is a nasty guy who got so nasty his people rebelled and the Rebels (who are good) started winning (hurrah!).
But then some of the rebels turned a bit nasty and are now called Islamic
State (who are definitely bad!) whilst some rebels continued to support democracy (who are still good.)
So the Americans (who are good - who have always been good) started bombing Islamic State (who are bad) and giving arms to the Syrian Rebels (who are good) so they could fight Assad (who is still bad) which was good.
By the way, there is a breakaway state in the north run by the Kurds who want to fight IS (which is a good thing) but the Turkish authorities think they are bad, so we have to say they are bad whilst secretly thinking they're good and giving them guns (which is good) to fight IS (which is bad) but that is another matter.

Getting back to Syria.

So President Putin (who is bad, cos he invaded Crimea and the Ukraine and killed lots of folks including that nice Russian man in London with polonium poisoned sushi- he is the new Stalin) has decided to back Assad (who is still bad) by attacking ISIS (who are also bad) which is sort of a good thing?
But Putin (still bad) thinks the Syrian Rebels (who are good) are also bad, and so he bombs them too, much to the annoyance of the Americans (who are good) who are busy backing and arming the rebels (who are also good).
Now Iran (who used to be bad, but now they have agreed not to build any nuclear weapons and bomb Israel are now good) are going to provide ground troops to support Assad (still bad) as are the Russians (bad) who now have ground troops and aircraft in Syria. So a Coalition of Assad (still bad) Putin (extra bad) and the Iranians (good, but in a bad sort of way) are going to attack IS (who are bad) which is a good thing, but also the Syrian Rebels (who are good) which is bad.
Now the British (obviously good, except that nice Mr Corbyn in the corduroy jacket, who is probably bad) and the Americans (also good) cannot attack Assad (still bad) for fear of upsetting Putin (bad) and Iran (good /bad) and now they have to accept that Assad might not be that bad after all compared to IS (who are super bad).
So Assad (bad) is now probably good, being better than IS (but let’s face it, drinking your own wee is better than IS so no real choice there) and since Putin and Iran are also fighting IS that may now make them good. America (still good - they were never bad) will find it hard to arm a group of rebels being attacked by the Russians for fear of upsetting Mr Putin (now good) and that nice mad Ayatollah in Iran (also now good) and so they may be forced to say that the Rebels are now bad, or at the very least abandon them to their fate. This will lead most of them to flee to Turkey and on to Europe or join IS (still the only constantly bad group).

To Sunni Muslims, an attack by Shia Muslims (Assad and Iran) backed by Russians will be seen as something of a Holy War, and the ranks of IS will now be seen by the Sunnis as the only Jihadis fighting in the Holy War and hence many Muslims will now see IS as good (Doh!).
Sunni Muslims will also see the lack of action by Britain and America in support of their Sunni rebel brothers as something of a betrayal ( mmm.might have a point) and hence we will be seen as Bad.

So now we have America (now bad) and Britain (also now bad ) providing limited support to Sunni Rebels (bad) many of whom are looking to IS (Good / bad ) for support against Assad (now good) who, along with Iran (also now good) and Putin ( also, now, unbelievably, now good ) are attempting to retake the country Assad used to run before all this started?

I hope this clears it all up for you.

[Mervyn and Trish]

I'm very grateful Foxy, as I had no idea before. Could you also help me by clarifying whether a) Israel is good or bad, b) Germany, who once didn't like Israel, is good or bad, c) Scotland, which voted to see if it wanted to be our friend, is good or bad d) Libya, which seems to have dropped out of the news, is good or bad, and d) France, which favoured open borders and was happy to send terrorists mingled with asylum seekers to us but now wants to close the borders, is good or bad?

[towny44]

After reading this my head hurts so much I might need a lengthy lie down in a darkened room.

[GillD46]

That's all MUCH clearer now! Thank you!

[oldbluefox]

I'm very grateful Foxy, as I had no idea before. Could you also help me by clarifying whether a) Israel is good or bad, b) Germany, who once didn't like Israel, is good or bad, c) Scotland, which voted to see if it wanted to be our friend, is good or bad d) Libya, which seems to have dropped out of the news, is good or bad, and d) France, which favoured open borders and was happy to send terrorists mingled with asylum seekers to us but now wants to close the borders, is good or bad?

Do you want next week's lottery numbers as well?

[Mervyn and Trish]

Well if it's no trouble. ....

[ITWA Travel Writer]

Me as well Foxy. I’m sure Merv won’t mind sharing the jackpot with his Scottish Serf.

[poole boy]

well if I wa'sn't confused before I certainly am now

[allatc]

So now "Call me Dave" is going to spend billions of pounds on new aircraft so we can drop more bombs from a great height, and they and additional military hardware, like aircraft carriers and tanks, will be ready in about ten years time barring delays.

How about spending a few million now on beefing up border control so that everyone who comes in and out of the UK can be checked!

[emjay45]

I lost track so long ago as to who were the good guys and who were the bad guys. In fact does anyone really know? After reading your post OBF it's all really clear. They are all bad guys I think.

[Mervyn and Trish]

So now "Call me Dave" is going to spend billions of pounds on new aircraft so we can drop more bombs from a great height, and they and additional military hardware, like aircraft carriers and tanks, will be ready in about ten years time barring delays.

How about spending a few million now on beefing up border control so that everyone who comes in and out of the UK can be checked!

Exactly the same thoughts went through my mind!

Me as well Foxy. I’m sure Merv won’t mind sharing the jackpot with his Scottish Serf.

Very happy to share if there's a few million coming my way.
Foxy can you PM the numbers to me and McITWA? We don't want everybody muscling in on our good fortune.

[jay-ell71]

Thank you very, very much. All very clear now. After reading all that I will be lying down in a darkened room for the rest of the day. J

[screwy]

After reading that i'm off to the Doc's....my head hurts..!

[qbman1]

How helpful! It's a bit like that cricket one that appears on countless tea towels. Better not put it here or I will be strung up by the ModPlods for going off topic! Sounds like one for the off-topic thread.

[ITWA Travel Writer]

So now "Call me Dave" is going to spend billions of pounds on new aircraft so we can drop more bombs from a great height, and they and additional military hardware, like aircraft carriers and tanks, will be ready in about ten years time barring delays.

Don’t knock it “allatc”.

Up here on the “Costa del Moray” Ma Cameron and Wallpaper Ossie have succeeded in scrapping all our Nimrod Maritime aircraft and the years of research work that went into its replacement, only to announce yesterday that they were going to buy nine aircraft from the USA. Do they have shares in Boeing I wonder?

Militarily they have now proved themselves to be as naive as the “Telly Tubbies”. Talking about putting all your eggs into one basket. Lossiemouth, only three miles from my castle, is now the only air base left in Scotland, also the largest in the UK. So what do they do, yes let’s put another squadron into Lossiemouth so that any of our enemy’s only need one bomb to obliterate our RAF's, new fighter, new bomber and our new maritime squadrons. Great strategy that!!

[allatc]

I don't object to sensible military spending and I understand that these items have a long lead time BUT I can't see how this long term strategy helps in the short term. Nor do I believe that dropping bombs on IS in Syria does anything to prevent Paris style attacks in the UK. So as I went on to say - where is the spending to make our woeful border controls fit for purpose.

[Manoverboard]

I just don't see the problem, we were taught from an early age how to spot the difference ... so, all the good guys wear white hats and all the bad guys wear black hats.

Simples

[Romig1]

So, just how does the Turks shooting down a Russian jet fit into the summary?

[qbman1]

I just don't see the problem, we were taught from an early age how to spot the difference ... so, all the good guys wear white hats and all the bad guys wear black hats.

Simples

I was once mentioned in a weekend feature article in the Telegraph that described me and a colleague as "the men in the black hats and BMW" (but I was very much a good guy !!)

[qbman1]

So, just how does the Turks shooting down a Russian jet fit into the summary?

The Russian pilot was probably wearing a black hat.....?

[Mervyn and Trish]

So, just how does the Turks shooting down a Russian jet fit into the summary?

Probably the same way as the Russians or their supporters shooting down a Malayan airliner.

[Silver_Shiney]

Militarily they have now proved themselves to be as naive as the “Telly Tubbies”. Talking about putting all your eggs into one basket. Lossiemouth, only three miles from my castle, is now the only air base left in Scotland, also the largest in the UK. So what do they do, yes let’s put another squadron into Lossiemouth so that any of our enemy’s only need one bomb to obliterate our RAF's, new fighter, new bomber and our new maritime squadrons. Great strategy that!!

Not to worry John, it would be a "proper" war that would involve such a strike and, as such things don't develop overnight, all the squadrons would have long since been dispersed to other locations. The same would go for Brize Norton, now home to all our transport fleet and Waddington, home to all the surveillance aircraft.

[Silver_Shiney]

So, just how does the Turks shooting down a Russian jet fit into the summary?

Extremely delicately... you'll no doubt be aware that the Turks are claiming that the Russian jet was in their airspace, denied, of course, by the Kremlin. Given the circumcisions of the flight, I should have thought the Turks could have cut a little slack.

[ITWA Travel Writer]

That is as may be Alan, but will our enemy's know that all the squadrons have been moved and that they are only bombing Duffus Castle, which is within a few meters of the end of runway 05 and Lady Macbeth's washing!!

[Silver_Shiney]

look on the bright side, John, the heat from the blast will sterilise the washing of any bacteria still left by the laundering process